Self-Loathing Twitter Employee Chronicles the Doom and Decadence of San Francisco's Most Tax-Exempt Startup

Meet Twitter Entitled, an unfortunate and pitifully hilarious collection of overheards within the headquarters of Mid-Market's golden goose.  It's blood-boiling, really—like watching Veruca Salt tantrum her way through Wonka's Chocolate Factory.  But who can resist laughing at bad eggs?

Another self-loathing Twitter employee, who claims to know the person responsible for the account, assures us these quotes are genuine rumblings of alleged human beings—a claim we have no way of substantiating, but we don't particularly doubt either. [UPDATE: at some point this afternoon, the maintainer added “#satire” to the description. Read into that however you want.] [UPDATE II: jwz reports that Twitter's “comms team was crying a river over this today,” suggesting this isn't satire.]  So enjoy a few of our favorite gems, and thank your lucky stars that This Is Ron Conway's Town Now:

Comments (22)

much funnier

That whole mid-market slum lanka should be thankful to Twitter and other recent move-ins for their generosity.

And thank the Chinese while you are at it, for coughing up the cash for the renovation of the Renoir hotel.…

Time for the vagrants, street urchins and assorted pumpkins to scram.

Long overdue.

So some so-called civic good excuses people for behaving like unmitigated children? No, this isn’t a question of Twitter’s benefits to the city or the economy, merely an eye-roll-filled criticism of the attitudes of the grotesquely spoiled.

Also, Twitter has done nothing to solve the problems of poverty, substance-abuse, and mental illness that plagues the denizens of Mid-Market. All it’s done is help displace the problem, making it some other city’s problem.

And I hope this goes without saying, but no one thinks all employees are like this, so don’t get too bent.

OK, we;re scramming. Would you mind if we all come over to your house? We’ll bring forties, but we’re gonna use all your t.p.

I would like to tell Twitter, and you for that matter, what they can do with their generosity but it would take more than 140 characters so I’ll settle for a simple and to the point: “Go fucking do one. You wound.”

honestly, nobody should ever have to endure one-ply toilet paper

Award-winning headline.

Ed Lee should be dragged into the streets and publicly shamed for allowing Twitter to use SF like Apple uses Nevada and Ireland as a tax free haven.

Hear, Hear.

Or voted out of office.


These are absolutely, positively NOT real sentiments. It’s a sarcastic account that derides the entitled mentalities on display at other high profile tech companies.

So why does the account post photos from within the HQ?

Sorry duder, but I tend to believe the Twitter employee that knows the maintainer over a semi-anonymous comment.

How about the fact that the account description says #satire

That was definitely added within the last few hours. Curious, for sure–but it wouldn’t surprise me if it’s someone trying to save their own skin. Updating the post, regardless.

Or it could just be that the author didn’t think anyone could possibly think it wasn’t satire to begin with. How could you not, with gems like
“this artificial grass is too long for bocci ball” or
“#1: Are you free for a 1-1 this afternoon?
#2: Listen, I’ve got a Beer Pong match and Counter Strike Tournament, I’m already double booked.”

This article is like when the Chinese press reference the Onion seriously.

Yes, but, see, the self-righteous hipsters need to laugh at the self-entitled googlers/etc to feel better about themselves. This twitter account is how they “imagine” the douchey tech people actually act. It’s nice to “catch” the “other side” directly “in the act”.

Having spent too many years of my life working there, I can confirm this account is a perfect summary of the attitudes of my old coworkers (although, yeah, no one ever played CS)

This is obviously satire. And this article represents some of what’s wrong with “journalism” these days. I work at another tech company and we’re constantly afraid of doing funny things like this because some narrow-minded blogger/website will take it out of context, and spin it to make the company look bad. It sucks. We were doing something funny recently and our PR team cracked down on us explaining that this kind of thing could be spun to make the company look bad. I thought they were being over-cautious and suddenly felt restricted, like I was at a big company. It’s sad to see that they were right.

Yeah, this is accurate.