If you grew up in the Bay Area in the 90s, it was nearly impossible to watch syndicated episodes of The Simpson/Full House/Sister Sister (Roger ftw!) without regularly being interrupted by a demonic voice-over warning you that Monster Jam was about to head to “OAK-LAND, SAN JOSE!” to tear shit up with over sized baby-dick compensating vehicles with names like 'Grave Digger' or 'Maximum Destruction'. As a child I always wonder who the fuck would actually spend money to go to these rallies. Now, as an adult, I ask “$15 for all-you-can-mock people watching and the chance of death and/or loss of limb? And I can get shit faced and BART directly there?? Why the fuck not?“ 

As Kevin pointed out to me, San Franciscans love nothing more than hating on automobiles, so it only makes sense we go to an event dedicated to smashing cars, right? I think there's some truth to that. Think about it: San Franciscans love getting drunk, hating automobiles, and going to Oakland so they look well rounded. So why don't they love monster jam?

Wait, don't answer that… Just tuck away your pretentious ego for a few hours and bury it in some Earthquake Hi-Gravity malt liquor and Monster energy drink, and come hang out with all your Myspace friends from Anitoch at the Oakland Coliseum this Saturday. Be sure to get the bassist from Papa Roach to autograph your program! (HINT: He's working at one of twelve concession stands on site).

Grave Digger r00lz

(Event details here)