— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
Not to be all tumblry here, but Leslie over at Squid Pro Quo has put out one of the most important pieces of journalism I've read all year:
9) You’re in the very outer circle, but you’re definitely in the shit. You know this because you are starting to see little old ladies collecting aluminum cans. Here lies what I like to refer to as Parade Townies, lurkers that aren’t so much interested in celebrating baseball as they are joining in a spectacle. You have RV’s blasting music with people dancing on top. They’re charging $5 to use their restroom. They had the foresight to get there early enough to find parking for their land boats but didn’t care enough about the parade’s purpose to get any closer.
8) As you move inward, you start noticing that everyone is blazing. Hard. All of a sudden you want a hot dog and to be at home watching Planet Earth.
7) Here is where you start seeing an abundance of impromptu street vendors selling overpriced giants merch. A child is crying for an $8 mylar balloon. You buy a $50 t-shirt from a gypsy. You’ll notice later that it’s not real and actually says “Gliants”. Four loko flows freely.
Now, I don't want to spoil the rest, but let's just say that there are drunk girls, pregnancy, and unbearable first world problems.