Dolores Park
My favorite day in Dolores Park, ever. Went down dressed as Zombie Cold Beer! Cold Water!. For those of you not from San Francisco, “Cold Beer! Cold Water!” is a man who walks around Dolores Park with a cooler bag selling, well, yeah…. cans of PBR (sometimes Simple Times) and water. Here are some photos of him. And while he’s not wearing this outfit in any of those shots, I promise this is pretty damn close to what he wore most days this summer.
I can do a pretty good impression of his call, and he kind of sounds like a zombie anyway, so I went with it. I had my zombie walk on, and set out hollering… over and over and over… “Cold beer! Cold Water!” Some people had no idea what was going on, but most people recognized who I was supposed to be. And THREE different people mistook me for the man himself, all saying something like, “Oh, my god! He dressed up for Halloween!” One man was convinced I stole CBCW’s shirt. Ganja Treats took my photo! I sold twelve beers and four waters (though I gave away like half of them). But where was the OG CBCW?
I got up to leave after a couple hours, carrying my cooler, continuing the zombie walk and yelling his call, when suddenly, I heard him. He was only fifty feet or so away from me. “Cold Beer!” he yelled. “Cold Water!” I responded. People were cracking up, and one woman came running after me demanding I go after him and take a photo. I was on my way out though and having never talked to dude in my life didn’t know if he’d really appreciate my costume and I chickened out. Still, I had a blast.
Photos by Erin Steach.
Previously on Uptown Almanac
A few people are reporting that a police chase ended in front of Dolores Park this afternoon, finishing with the suspect fleeing on foot and eventually getting tasered. Given how shitty the cellphone service is around there, there's not a lot of info on what happened. Anyone else see anything?
If you were willing to brave the wind today, you would have been able to witness the best day of the year to go to Dolores Park: Jesus Day! That's right, a group of Jesus fanboys and fangirls took their "amplified music" to the park to "praise the lord" and hate on "east coasters" and debauchery. Of course, their message was largely ignored by 20-somethings drinking and smoking nearby, but good for them. I'm certain that at least one cool kid took their message to heart.
Anyways, I would have put more effort into this post, but I need to get to bed so on Sunday morning I can wake up at 6:30am so I can go to a keg party on Hayes.
Hi Internet.
I'd like to share a story from the other day. It was a nice day. A little windy but nice. It was Friday. I have a little routine that I like to do on Friday afternoons: I take my phone to Dolores Park with a bottle of MD20/20 (I like Red Grape) and answer all the emails I ignored over the week. Afterwards I go black out at a bar. So anyway, I finished up pregaming in the sun and was crossing Dolores to go to Valencia and this total cunt of a lady (who I sure is nice and was just having a bad day but FUCK HER) barrels through the intersection in her stupid green Prius honking at me and not slowing down even though i'm in the middle of the road. She came within 18 inches of hitting me... close enough for me to spit on her car, scream "you crazy bitch" and give her rear bumper a little love tap with my bike.
Anyway, the point is this:
- that intersection is a fucking death trap waiting to happen
- fuck Noe Valley
- fuck priuses
- fuck the city for taking 13 years to get anything done
- fuck the dolores park bathrooms
- ...
- I need to get laid for the first time in 13 and a half months, get drunk and calm down
So yeah, give me a fucking set of stop signs or I'm motherfucking doing it myself. That's right, I'm willing to actually contribute my time to making this world a better place (for myself, fuck the rest of you). My stop signs will be made with stolen plywood, some spraypaint and pure distain. They'll also look like Janet Reno's face but that's what you get when functional alcoholics do what the city should have done years ago.
Also, if anyone wants to help make these stop signs, I'll totally give you a beer and let you play with my chainsaw*. Holler in the comments and I'll get in touch (not until Friday thou).
(photo by Jamison Wiser. I wish my mom named me Jamison)
* that isn't a sexual thing
What does the South Sunset Playfield have to do with Dolores Park? Everything.Rec & Park finally launched their completely disappointing Dolores Park Renovation website. Naturally, there is no way to submit community input or feedback, no additional information that we didn't report on two months ago, nada. The "get involved" section links to some random page about planting sprouts or weed or some shit... half the links either don't work or go to some irrelevant page (my favorite is the twitter link in their 'social media toolbar').
The only thing this site tells us is that the next community meeting is going to be sometime in July and the construction schedule has been pushed back to February 2012. And it took the city government 2 months to get this thing out the door? Fail.
Previously on Uptown Almanac
UPDATE: 4th found.
This one is by Dolores Park:
Also, there's apparently one at 9th and Howard, but no pics yet. Sounds like someone might have caught a real-life sighting?
Previously on Uptown Almanac
Erica says:
The air was filled with thousands of bees and the buzzing was so loud I could hear them from my the apartment. Now they're building a nest in my backyard. Yippee.
If you're allergic, you might want to steer clear of Dolores Park over the next few day. Or don't. I'll just steal your beer when you go into shock and they take you away in an amberlamps.
Reader Neil points out that "NIMBY neighbors are already on the scene" at the recently opened Dolores Park-inspired bar in Brooklyn:
Wow, what a great bar! Do you know what would make it more awesome? A roof! And sound-proofing!
Seriously, as one of the hundreds of neighbors who won't be falling asleep until 4AM every night this summer, this place sucks. That room that's open to the sky that everyone is raving about? All of that noise has to go somewhere, and right now it is bouncing off of all the buildings and going straight into our windows. I can hear EVERYTHING people are saying, even if it's only 1 or 2 people... the noise is magnified enormously. I can't even tell you how loud we have to turn up our TV to cover the din. I didn't move to Park Slope to have to sleep with the windows closed and earplugs in every night.
(link)
Jamie M. is your stereotypical Dolores Park NIMBY. Looks the part, probably hasn't gotten "serviced" in 6 months, and her "interests" include "calamari, clams, mussels, oysters, bourbon, wine, sushi" (read: moving to suburbia and shitting out two kids whose father is a sperm bank next fall).
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