You only have a few more months to cash in your friend's $100 “standing offer” to crap in Dolores Park's notoriously-inviting powder room, because when the park renovations are all wrapped up, the clubhouse will be little more than a nice patch of grass.

From what I'm told, it was a rare moment of neighborhood consensus—80% of the park neighbors voted to level the allegedly 'historic' building.  The neighbors had already approved two new bathroom buildings for the park (one by the 18th and Church Muni stop and another by the playground) and figured it wasn't worth saving the relatively useless structure and the hundred years of human shit caked to its sad walls.

Connie Chan, Rec & Park's Deputy Director of Public Affairs, sent us a one sentence statement on what's next:

The community has overwhelmingly voted to remove the clubhouse, which will be reflected in the final concept plan, and will go through an environmental review process with SF Planning Dept.

I have no idea what most of that means, but I understand that “environmental review process” is synonymous with “it takes five years to do anything, so don't count your chickens.”

Anyway, I sincerely hope we get to pay our final respects to the building that has somewhat served our need for a quite place to fuck around with needle drugs in some spectacular funeral pyre.  Ed Lee can hose down the building with napalm while the denizens of Dolores Park silently stand around the building, Tecates in hand, breathing the asbestos-filled smoke.  And just as the building begins to smoulder, Cold Beer Cold Water will emerge from the crowd, lifting a boombox over his head, and begin playing November Rain.

It'll be sweet as hell.

[Photo by Melissa Marie]

Jake Swearingen (not pictured) tells us all about it:

This guy was posted up and drinking silver cans of what looked like Coors, telling girls where to pee (like, “Here, this bush!”) and saying something in Spanish.  There were a couple other guys, but I didn't want to walk through all the urine to get more pics of the crowd of watchers.

I suppose when you pee in public, you should expect such things, but wweeiirrdd.

[Pic and title inspiration by Jake Swearingen]

The Dolores Park Playground Renovation is now underway and a long segment of chain-link fence is closing off a large segment of the southern end of The Park for revilers and potential Chaac-Mool customers.  And while this deals a horrifying blow to our intoxicated late-night swing set sessions, the choice of fence signage is pretty shitty given the recent closure of the DP bathrooms.  Are we to now assume we can drunkenly drop our drawers and deposit a dirty deuce at the foot of these 1-800-toilets?

And for the curious, these fences block off a lot of the park. They pretty much take away half of the usable area of the southern section:

This tree is the ultimate metaphor for the Tenderloin: left for dead in a trash-filled alley, rotted out, and used as an improvised toilet by the homeless.