Fillmore

The kids are doing just fine without you

Saturday I was off eating brunch or some dumbshit that adults in this town do when I get a text from a rap blogger friend that just says “Jerkin battle at the japantown ymca.” Well considering that's around the corner from me and I'm not doing shit but lame brunch I figure fuck it, I'm rolling. Turns out it was the Bay vs LA jerkin battle and homes was there to talk to Young Sam and that's why he knew about it. I hadn't heard shit on the streets aka the internets but thought, shit this could be cool.

We were definitely the oldest people there to witness a sea of brand new snapbacks and jerk shirts cheer teenagers doing some crazy ass moves. I don't know how many of you internet reader motherfuckers know about Jerkin but it's a style of music that for the most part people have forgotten about since it popped off a few years ago. The New Boyz got a deal and then fools tried to act like it never happened but the kids keep it alive. Shit was all fun but then this fucking kid breaks out his goddamn moves. Just watch this video until about the 19 second part and get your mind blown. I don't even know how you get your body to do shit like this but this kid is fucking crazy dope.

I gave up on watching breakdance battles years ago, I hate when dudes start uprocking in the club now, it's fucking annoying but really I can't front I had fun watching these kids get loose and just enjoy their scene.

Shit Too $hort Says

Hater Tuesday made it out to the Too $hort show last weekend at Yoshi's and documented the shit he said on stage, proving once and for all why a Too $hort show is better than any indie rock concert you'll ever go to:

  • How you gonna be broke when you got a pussy?”
  • What the fuck were ya’ll doin in ’89? Most ya’ll in here were in 3rd grade listenin’ to Too $hort. You wanna know what I was doin’ in ’89? I was a grown ass man. I had a drop top Cadillac, a big ass cellphone, big ropes danglin’ from my neck …driving cross the Bay Bridge gettin’ my dick sucked.”
  • Square bitches shut the fuck up!”
  • They told me to stop taking weed from the white people in the crowd.”
  • There is a girl in the front row right here… I just want to fuck her face. Girl, I feel like my dick and your face have a connection.”
  • I be fuckin’ aunties. It used to be baby sisters, now it’s aunties. I’m 45….nigga been around. Ya’ll laugh but I’m telling you, Too $hort fucked your auntie….And some mammas. Investigate. Find out ask some aunties. Don’t be surprised when they like, “How you know I fucked $hort?”

Be sure to read the whole thing to find out his opinions on having sex with grandmothers.

[Hater Tuesday | Photo by Troy Holden]

New Sketch Comedy From Wobbly H: "Roommates"

If you're into longer, darker sketch comedy, Wobbly H, fronted by local comedian Corey Loykasek, is a group worth looking into.  While some of their earlier sketches had some funny gags but not much follow through, their more recent videos do a great job exploring characters on the brink of insanity and individuals whose narcissism is based purely on mediocre accomplishments.  Yes, I know having to spend five to eight minutes on any one video is pure torture, but you actually sat through Jackass 3D the other day, so I think you can manage.

Listen Bitch, I'm going to put you up on some fucking game right now.

(this dinner will cheer you up)

Do you like drinking? Do you like getting buck? Do you even know what getting buck entails? Whatever though, the point is that for years San Francisco liquor stores have been satisfying the needs of neighborhoods by combining rap music sensibilities and liquor. As far as I know it all starts with the Cutty Bang, the classic of all these corner store hook ups. What is a cutty bang? Well if you find yourself on 3rd and Newcomb you might realize that there isn't exactly a vast array of night life choices. You've got to find a way to entertain yourself and having a liquor store that sells tiny bottles of alcohol can only lead to brilliance. Well someone took some bottles of Seagrams, Bicardi, Taquaray, an 8oz can of Dole Pineapple juice, and dumped that shit into a cup. No one seems to know the name of this legendary pioneer in “mixology” but the drink was immortalized by Tay Da Tay and later KNT.  

There are a grip of these drinks; the names and ingredients seem to change according to where you cop. The most consistent drink by far is the Cutty Bang. There are other drinks though like the What It Do, The Big Unk, The Killa Hoe, Getting Hyphy, the Money Maker, Walk It Out, Do You Like It Raw, Tupac, The Obama, Kobe, Casper, Trible B's, Wipe Me Down, and so on. For the most part the formula is simple, take 3 or 4 different kinds of alcohol, throw in some kind of chaser then just give it some kind of rap related name and boom you're fucking done. But as far the drinks go the cutty bang is my drink of choice, that shit might look maney but it's fucking good.

Around 2005 I discovered that Charlie's Pharmacy had these hook ups also, and even a motherfucking menu! The old menu is no more but it had some gems like The Thizz and The French Quarter which was a bottle of wine and a bottle of vodka, instant get wrecked. The new menu though has more drinks. They also got some real fucking monsters like the WTF which is just a bottle of Captain Morgan's and a bunch of shitty gin and bacardi, but it will get you straight for 15 bucks.

This past Sunday my wife decided to try out the Getting Sloppy which can be seen below. It's basically like drinking a plastic jolly rancher that taste like liquor made from Puff Daddy's ball sweat.

I got the Quit Hating because it's called the Quit Hating, it's a shitty margarita tho. I should have said fuck it and stuck with the cutty bang.

Some spots in the mission will put together a cutty bang if you ask, they seem to know the deal on 24th and Folsom but don't be surprised if you ask and have to tell dude what ingredients you want. If you want to get more legit though hit up the 3rd St Liquor Store (3rd & Newcomb) or Charlie's Pharmacy (Golden Gate & Fillmore). Charlie's has a funky set up where you have to hit the back counter for drinks, some are on the counter but the menu faces the counter so you have to turn around to see it. They use to give out ice with the cups but got some heat for it so now you got to supply yourself.

Oh yeah forgot to mention the Wipe Me Down! I don't fuck with caffeine but holy shit this one had me tripping. That Mac Dre Hunid Racks ain't no joke, it's rarely in stock but when it is it's fun to fuck with if you like getting amped up and breaking shit.

The Fillmore Sucks Dick At Mexican Food

 

yeah the Fillmore has never had decent mexican food, ever. There use to be Poblano something on golden gate and fillmore that shit was edible at least. Fucking La Salsa shut down, that was like Taco Bell but with 50% less dog food. Some how Fillmore Mexican Grill is still in business. I don’t know how the fuck that has happened, motherfuckers got sriracha on the tables. Look I’m down to give other races chances but when the Korean dude running the place can’t buy tapatio you know the place is fucked. I don’t even know if he’s Korean but he’s asian and considering the Koreans already own everything down there I’m going roll with that. Besides they already run the sushi spots, why not take over the mexican food too.

Anyways this isn’t about the Korean’s, it’s about their burritos made of cardboard and sludge accompanied by completely clueless awkward service. This combination of sucks naturally means that yelptards give it good reviews for “freshness.” Hey assholes, my shits are fresh too but I don’t eat them. Fuck this place, I can’t even tell you what I’ve eaten at this place because the fucking gruel they shovel into tortillas is so fucking bland all memory of what I actually ate there escapes me.

In the wake of La Salsa closing down Tacobar is opening this month. They are going with the freshness tag too but I got more faith in these dudes than Fillmore Mexican Grill. I mean fuck, you really can’t do any worse than all the other dumbasses who’ve tried to have taquerias on Fillmore. The closest competition is El Super Burrito on polk and that shit taste like a bucket of rotten dicks. You got Burrito Express on Divis which sometimes gets a edible pass but barely. Tortilla Whites if you want to get your happy hour on with a room full of Becky’s and Chad’s stuffing their faces with whitebread nachos and bowls of margarita bullshit. I’m really hoping Tacobar can come through, making a decent fucking taco can not be that fucking hard. I can’t even get tacos delivered anymore from the tenderloin (yeah it was that bad) since El Patron closed. I don’t always want to roll to the mission or make tacos myself. I just want to give someone some fucking money and eat some goddamn tacos. Can’t a motherfucker live?

Fuck I need to get out of this neighborhood, it’s killing me.