(Photo from generic1)
generic1, famous for blogging politics and whatever, had a gun put to his temple by one of two muggers in Oakland the other night and his reaction was to run like Carl Lewis. And he won! Nice job. Sounds like a horrifying experience and we're glad he's okay. The Oakland Cops on the other hand won't even take a report from him, which is the really phenomenal part of the story. You can read all about his harrowing experience here.
*I seriously considered whether it was proper to put the word fuck in the headline, but then I scrolled down and saw a photo of a dog taking a shit, so I figured it was okay.
Photo and Question by Matt Holte.
I went to this ridiculous panel discussion at the pretentiously-named Commonwealth Club the other night called "If Not the Chronicle, Then What?" The panel was billed as a smart conversation about how new media (which is just a fucking stupid-ass name for BLOGS because the print world feels like they have to reclaim every goddamn thing for themselves so we cannot even have a fucking name anymore) doesn't do beat reporting but everyone still needs to have news + political coverage so who will do it if the Chronicle dies off? Of course, the panel was kinda odd: Brock of SFist + the white whale of The Bold Italic were the solid choices, then there was Jeff of Muni Diaries, which isn't a news site at all but a place were SF's racists gather to share stories about how much brown people scare them, and some bro who works at Twitter. I don't know why the fuck people think 140 characters can be journalism. Twitter is a place where we misspell things, talk about how drunk we were last night, fail at being funny, and, you know, share links to real journalism/cat pictures. NEXT.
So, I should have known that this panel was going to spawn a post at the SF Weekly that would make me want to bring a sharp razor, the Donnie Darko soundtrack, and the toaster into the bathtub, but I was completely unprepared for S.F. New Media Admits It Can't Quit Chronicle. First off, San Francisco's "New Media" didn't admit shit, 3 people on a stage did. They can go on reading that unreadable shit all they want but I don't know of any other bloggers that do. Here's the thing, I understand technology scares you. People won't read your rag anymore so you'll have to go back to being a greeter at Wal-Mart. We're going to have an entire generation of young lads that think finger fucking a girl is an iPhone gesture. This is a terrible future ahead of us. I understand you're not ready to accept it.
Of course, instead of making some inane statement, why didn't the Weekly just point out how fundamentally flawed the entire conversation was? Some white bitch during the Q+A section said "I haven't heard you guys talk about the Chronicle too much" and then everyone starting talking about how important beat reporting is. I really wish I was on that panel. "If not the Chronicle, then what?" I would have stood up and said "Read the fucking Appeal you fucktards" and then exposed myself to the entire audience. Shit would have been real. These idiots all seem to think that if Hearst dies off, THERE WILL NEVER BE A NEWS ARTICLE EVER AGAIN. That's bullshit. Have you ever even read the Appeal? Eve is a fucking monster. If she was a mother, she'd be the type of mother that would turn out 15 kids in 4 years and you'd be left saying "how the fuck did you do that?" Luckily for humanity, Eve just writes about eight dozen stories a day that you get to read for free. Fancy. fucking. that.
I'd like to propose a panel. Eve, myself, Laura Beck, Brock and a hampster will all shotgun about 5 cans of Colt 45, sit at an elevated table so we're talking down to the audience, and give a panel titled "If Not 'New Media,' Then Who Will The Chronicle Steal Their Leads From?"
I'm not one to get all "HEY IF I TURN THIS INTO AN EVENTS BLOG I'LL GET MORE READERS BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS AND NEED A BLOG TO TELL THEM WHAT TO DO" but anyone who explicitly invites us to shit on their movie gets some respect in my book, so go to the Victoria Theatre (16th @ Capp) tomorrow for a 3pm or 7pm showing. I'll be the guy puking between the seats and cursing at the Israeli apartheid state.
despite the fact that the only movie review that i've seen on uptown almanac is a picture of a drunk chick on the can, we're going against our better judgment and inviting you to the screening of our documentary this saturday. the film is about a corner store owner at church and 15th that we followed through the last year of the process of bringing his family to san francisco from the west bank (a ten year process). more info on our site.
I don't know whether to immediately get a ticket, go to temple and pray for hipster forgiveness, or cry.
The best part of this whole thing is that it WONT BE KOSHER FOR PASSOVER because it is presumably going to be cooked in Mission Beach's trayf kitchen. WIN. FAIL. Argh, internets, which is it today?
Heeb Magazine is partnering with Mission Beach Café for its annual Slow Food Seder. Traditional Jewish dishes, made with fresh, seasonal, local and organic ingredients, will be served alongside the very best in new American fare. It’s both a Passover dinner and fine dining experience.
The meal is $55 per person for four courses, excluding tax and gratuity. For reservations, call (415) 861-0198 or book online at http://www.missionbeachcafesf.com. Menu below.
There was no menu below.