Uptown Almanac

Not sure how “new” a lot of this shit is, but I decided to roll down a few alleys that I hadn't been down in a while this weekend:

So the other day my friend Kahla showed me this highly comprehensive list of types of bitches that a third grade teacher in Washington, D.C. found on the floor in a hallway of school … and I am LOVING IT. My personal favorites are “got all that mouth but can't step bitches,” “bitches that be ignoring you when you know they can hear you” and “uncreative bitches.” You can find the whole list here.

This morning Kahla & I were inspired to compile a Types of Bitches list more suited to our immediate social environment. We're calling it Types of Bitches: Mission Edition. With only 25 entries it's just the beginning of the full compilation, so feel free to suggest any bitches we may have missed in the comments.

So far, we have identified:

1) Chrome bag but no bike bitches
2) Resident DJ bitches
3) Selling doilies and owl necklaces on Etsy bitches
4) White bitches who think they're “down” 'cause they listen to Too Short
5) Throwing up in Delirium bitches
6) Toms-wearing smelly feet bitches
7) “Are those skulls?” bitches
8) You just locked the wrong wheel of your bike up bitches
9) Head-to-toe American Apparel bitches
10) Unemployed bitches who think they're artists
11) Flask of Ancient Age in the bar bitches
12) Morrissey tattoo having bitches
13) Moustache party throwing bitches
14) Crush on a bike messenger bitches
15) Trust fund having but pretending to be poor bitches
16) Leather-wearing vegan bitches
17) Thinking they're all that modeling vintage for their friend's eBay store bitches
18) Peacock feather earring bitches
19) Walk of Shame down 24th St. bitches
20) Bitches you can tell were scene kids back in high school
21) Won't stop talking about how much they love Portland bitches
22) Stripping to pay for that postgraduate philosophy degree bitches
23) Bitches fucking that guy you used to fuck
24) Been “26” for the past five years bitches
25) Butchering Salt-n-Pepa songs at 500 Club on Sunday night bitches

What type of bitch are you? Right now I'll admit to being #11 and slightly #14. I was #6 for about two weeks back in the summer of 2007. It wasn't a good look.

I know this postage stamp is hard to make out, but RumNose just stitched together this epic panorama of Heron Alley.  You won't regret the 9mb pageload for the full version.

Well, except for Evelyn Taft obviously, and Gary Radnich, but everything else makes me sad. At least this guy has a tripod. I've seen other KRON reporters just put the camera all crooked up on a garbage can.