Local Mission Eatery is opening in the next two weeks just a few doors down from Philz on 24th.  All dishes will arrive 1 day late and be a minimum of 1,000 words.  I kid.  The name sure is stupid but it does look well lit inside, meaning you can see just how ugg your date is.  I’m told they are going to source local organic food and do cooking classes in the back, indicating this place will be a hit with dull white people holding dSLR cameras.  AND LUNCH.  WE NEED MORE LUNCH PLACES.

I feel like if this place wants to ‘keep it real,’ they’ll let you order beer by the glass or bottle.  Shit will be like ordering a bottle of wine, only the most cracked-out waiter will come over with a white towel on the arm holding a 40.  The head of the table will inspect the Born On Date, swirl a taste around in the glass to get the fizzy Colt 45 taste we all crave, throw it back and start mumbling Ol’ Dirty Bastard lyrics about whores with herpes in their assholes.  DO IT.

(real news on Tablehopper)