Stanley Roberts

Hippie's Bite Worse Than Dog's Bark

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

KRON's resident voice actor and all around wonderful human hater Stanley Roberts received his inevitable assault this week.  However, it wasn't from his vilified rabble-rousing Wiggle cyclists, but instead from a crusty pair of dreaded Telegraph Ave. gutterpunks.

After they harassed him for a few minutes during the filming of one of his beloved and helium-pitched “People Behaving Badly” segments, one of them attacked him from behind. From the Oakland Tribune:

“I never saw it coming,” he said.

When the first man attacked, Roberts said he turned around, grabbed him by the throat and pushed him up against a wall, telling him to not touch him before he let him go. Roberts then said he tried to walk away but that the men followed him and attacked again.

”Sleeping Bear” Stanley Roberts then woke up from hibernation and fought back, but the resulting brawl left $6,000 in equipment broken, his press pass stolen, and his back sprained.  The condition of the dog is not known at this time.

And, of course, this isn't the first time a subject of his creepshot journalism lashed out at the noted vlogger, as old school fans will recall this rather brilliant verbal assault from 2011:

(Thanks Patrick and Amanda for the tips!)

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Intrepid Journalist Captures Hoodlum Cyclists BLAZING Through Harrison Street Stop Sign At Multiple MPH

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Evil-doer.

Our all-time favorite TV journalist Stanley Roberts has turned his nanny cam back onto San Francisco's ever-increasing population of two-wheeled criminals.  But this time he's not waging war on the Wiggle; rather, taking a look at the the 3-way intersection at 18th and Harrison.  Witness:

Now, it might be worth pointing out that the offending bike lane and ghost rider in question doesn't actually cut through traffic, as they ride beside parked cars like it was any old stretch of road. (Might I add that it's incredibly common for motorists not to be required to stop in such cases either.)  But I suppose nuance and reason is irrelevant in the media's war on bikes.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

KRON's Stanley Roberts Sticks His Dick in a Beehive Again

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Following Tuesday's controversial report on cyclists running stop signs on the Wiggle, KRON's “sleeping bear” Stanley Roberts returned to the scene of the shoddy journalism to instigate cyclists once again.  And, adorably, Stanley was somewhat surprised by reaction he got from the crowd.

Apparently, he wasn't all to pleased with the LASHING he got on Twitter and Uptown, so he went back to the Wiggle to get bent out of shape all over again.

Exhibit A.

After complaining about being labeled anti-bike (he is) and taking issue with people telling him to start picking on cars, he brushed off his detractors by saying, “What is this, the fifth grade? Why is everyone pick-in' on meee?”

Now Stanley is showing the middle finger meanies who's boss with a renewed war on bikers: no more headphones or ear buds because they're unsafe (or maybe not)—“end of discussion.”  And this sleeping bear, woken up by the pokes of Wiggle riders behaving badly, is putting these hardened criminals on notice:

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

World's Most Amazing Voice Covers Cyclists Running Stop Signs on the Wiggle

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Oh here we go again: the notoriously anti-bike and generally stodgy Stanley Roberts was out again filming “People Behaving Badly.”  This time? The two-wheeled locusts bombing through the Wiggle's stop signs, displaying a general disregard for law and order as they aim to plow over dogs and other helpless pedestrians.

Stanley boasts the number of $300 tickets SFPD issues to these miscreants as the victims of a broke police force point out SFPD probably has better things to do.

As you may remember, SFPD bicycle officers have a troubled relationship with stop sign laws, often treating them as yield signs themselves.

Towards the end of the video, around the 1:20 mark, Stanley goes on to interview an 'angry' pedestrian who rails against the recklessness of cyclists while numerous automobiles run the stop sign in the background.

SFPD did not pull any of those vehicles over.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Stodgy Stanley Roberts Not Stoked with Separated Bike Lanes

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

We gotta admit: we're not particularly stoked on the new separated bike lanes along JFK in Golden Gate Park either.  We love the fact the city is trying new things, and separated lanes have typically worked well in other cities, but they aren't really panning out in Golden Gate Park.  People park their cars in the lanes, use the lanes as sidewalks, have made the approach to stop signs difficult, and people clearly have no idea how to park in the new spots.  That's not to say the idea should be dismissed entirely—not at all.  The city could put up new signage explaining the situation, install a curb between the bike lanes and the parking spaces, or actually stripe out specific spaces for people to park.  You know, address the problems.

But KRON's Stanley Roberts!  Fuck!  People are Behaving Badly, you see, and those people are the government experimenting with improving our transportation.  Grrrrrrrrr, Stanley mad!

Naturally, Stanley took his amazing voice and the camcorder he bought off eBay with all the milk money he's been saving up and interviewed a couple of angry (grrrrrrrr) dumb-dumbs in minivans about the problem.  And guess what?  They hate bicyclists!  “Where should bikers be a bikin'?”  In the middle of traffic, where they've always been biking.  Obviously!

I don't know what my favorite part of the video is: when some green thing claims her door will now get sideswiped when she opens it (because, that's not already a problem on roads without bike lanes.  Plus, she wants the American Privilege of opening her door into cyclists, not traffic) or when Stanley doesn't interview a single cyclist, urban planner, or someone who might actually be in favor of the lanes.

Watch below:

[Thanks for the tip, Tuffy! | Photo by SF Bike Coalition]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: