Video

Vintage Clip of KRON 4 Splooging All Over Bike Messengers

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

One of my favorite shitty lines is from the movie The Sum of All Fears.  My paraphrasing here, but basically a girl is describing her new love, Ben Affleck, to her friend:

Girl 1: On a scale of one to ten, how hot is he?

Girl 2: One to ten? A thirteen.

That quote perfectly sums up this clip.  First, if I had to rate this clip, I would give it an enthusiastic 13 OUTTA 10.  Second, the narrator is such a dork about his love of bike messengers, you can't help but think they are the Ben Affleck of San Francisco.  Enjoy:

(Thanks to commenter cat for the tip!)

Loko 4 Dat Loko

— By Serg |

Gwop Gang of Cleveland rapping about 4Loko obviously. Jane maybe interested in a sponsorship deal if 4loko is kicking dollars around. It's kind of sad that the legacy of St Ides has been reduced to 4loko and Icing, although that strawberry kiwi shit sucked, yeah I rocked it, I was 15 fuck it and it was cheaper than Schlitz.

(via Nation Of Thizzlam)

"Kid’s so god damn nuts I’ll forgive him for wearing his sister’s pants"

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Albe's Zack Gerber Edit from Albe's BMX on Vimeo.

One of my favorite things in the world is to hear what people from states that don't border a major body of water think of cool kid culture.  For example, one of my buddies from the Flagstaff AZ area was up here this weekend so, naturally, I took him by Dolores Park:

“I can't believe how many guys wear women's pants and ride track bikes.”

(laughing) “They aren't women's pants.”

“Really?  I thought that was the hipster thing?  Go into the women's section and find the tightest fitting jeans possible.”

“No, those are 'skinnies' and companies make men's styles.”

“That's fucked.”

Anyways, this morning I see that choice quote from Big Johnny, another guy from Flagstaff, on Drunk Cyclist talking about some BMXbro doing 'sick shit' without brakes.  So, apparently based on my sample of 2 people, everyone in Flagstaff thinks the Mission is full of cross-dressers.  Also, watch the video.  Wait until the billboard to house to street shot.  Fucking nuts.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Being a Bay Area Car Salesman is "The Most Difficult Job in the World With the Exception of One and That's Being President of the United States"

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Check out yet another amazing documentary from California is a place.  This time about about a 20-year-veteran car salesman from a non-defunct Alameda car-lot.

Big Vinny from California is a place. on Vimeo.

Once upon a time, he was a local celebrity. He earned his nickname after doing a tv commercial for a Round Table pizza named The Big Vinny. For over twenty years, he was the face and voice of a successful used car business in small town Alameda. He sold and he sold and he sold and Californians drove away happy. Today, everything has changed. The business is dead. The lots sit empty. Big Vinny is out of work. But he still remembers the good times.

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

These have officially replaced the icing phenomenon as my new obsession

— By Jane Parton |

We've all oohed and aahed over the Victorian era footage of the carriage ride down Market Street (My, that man's derby hat looks positively smashing! … are those horses?) but honestly, I find the footage in this video from 1984 far more compelling.

It's just some guy driving down Broadway onto the Embarcadero Freeway (for those of us born post-Loma Prieta who don't actually remember it, that part is actually pretty cool) and across the Bay Bridge. Towards the end he's listening to “White Lines” by Melle Mel on the radio. Basically this video is everything  - well, almost everything, since the 49ers aren't in this - that I've imagined being awesome about San Francisco in the 80s, all rolled into one. If I actually were to time-travel to the city in 1984, I'm pretty sure that I'd inevitably end up intervening in my parents' budding romance and screwing up my future existence, but after seeing this, I think it's a risk I'm willing to take.

This second video is much prettier than the other one and shows many different parts of the city, like Fisherman's Wharf when it was actually charming and not horrifying, and Mission Street when those empty theaters that will soon be condos were actually theaters. The parts shot around Nob Hill look basically the same as today, but the rest is mind-blowing.

Maybe it's just the aged quality of the film, but in this old footage the city looks so clean and well maintained, and everyone's dressed really well. I guess the world of the early 1960s really did look exactly like Mad Men! Let it be known that I fully support a resurgence of skinny ties in the Financial District suit-wearing population. For now when I want to see cute sixties style my only option is to go to Edinburgh on Wednesday nights.

So anyway, you know how sometimes on Mission Mission they post about something from San Francisco way back when and all the old timers take to the comments and reminisce? I'd be really psyched if that were to happen on this post. I love all those stories about how much cooler this city was before the dot-com boom.

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