Mission District

Valencia Gets Its First Parklet

As mentioned back in October, Freewheel Bikes petitioned the city to have a bike-themed parklet installed outside the shop on Valencia and 20th.  And they apparently succeeded! I guess they didn't get the clear to make it bike-themed with a repair area built into the parklet, but it's got hella flora and astroturf, which is a nice upgrade from the one on 22nd.  Unlike the one on 22nd, there isn't a bunch of complimentary businesses around this parklet for people to spill out of, so it'll be cool to see if this actually gets as much usage.

Local Dogs Also Glued to the TV This Morning

Like everyone else, I couldn't keep my eyes off the tragedy unfolding in Japan this morning.  Of course, local news stations begged us to feel sympathy for Santa Cruz's resident boat owners, which is almost as classy as telling us the greatest tragedy in the Oscar Grant murder trial was the looting of a Foot Locker.

Too bad dogs can't use the internet.

Sex as a Competition is Not Sexy

A few people out there noticed the irony in Kink.com offering discounted Armory tours on International Women's Day because, you know, nothing says “yay women!” like a romantic stroll for two around a BDSM sex dungeon.  However, having never been to The Armory or watched their flicks, I could only really guess as to what went on there.  Lucky for me and my feminist feathers that need ruffling, Salon's Tracy Clark-Flory spent last Friday watching Kink's live porno wrestling event, Ultimate Surrender [NSFW]:

Once a month, fans gather for Ultimate Surrender at the [Kink.com] porn palace and watch women tussle in the nude with the ultimate aim of “sexual humiliation.” (There's another series with just men called Naked Kombat.) This is not jello wrestling: Fingers are stuck in orifices, breasts are groped, faces are sat on and cheeks are licked — all for “style points.” The final round culminates with rough group sex — although it is tame compared to the “device bondage” and “slave training” that Kink.com is known for. The wrestling venue looks like a normal gymnasium — padded floor, bleachers, a scoreboard — save for the elevated platform for a cameraman and a large flat-screen TV showing what the Web audience is seeing as the event streams live. The bleachers are packed and fans are sitting on the floor around the ring, taking up every available space.

The crowd is scattered with faces I recognize from the neighborhood — the white-blond hipster girl from my local gourmet pizzeria — and mixed groups of 20- and 30-somethings sipping tall cans of PBR in paper bags. Not to sound like a prude but: These are clean, attractive, normal-looking people! One woman is wearing a sheer black shirt under which her nipples are plainly visible, but she seems more out of place than I do in my jeans, T-shirt and sneakers. There are two refs: one fully clothed, mic'd up and controlling the scoreboard; the other a porn star wearing booty shorts and breasts bursting out of her striped top. The four wrestlers come out wearing string bikinis and black sneakers. They start with an arm wrestling match: Two girls get down on their hands and knees, backs arched, butts wagging in air. There is a scattering of cheers and claps as they clash, but for the most part, the audience is sedate. People are chatting to their friends, taking swigs of beer, laughing at the absurdity of the scene.

While the scene Tracy sets up sounds like a laughable “Oh, Mission kids…” scenario, it's anything but.  Clothing is torn off with teeth.  Wrestlers grapple each other, hopping to leverage a good position; not for a pin, but to gain points through finger-banging and grabbing breasts.  “Two fingers in the pussy!,” the ref yells while tapping on an iPhone to track the score.  When someone orgasms, victory music is played (hopefully not Duran Duran's Hungry Like The Wolf) and the competitors leave the ring.

The Salon piece heavily pushes the tone that Ultimate Surrender is an ugly, violent, unfeminine display.  Having never seen it for myself, I'll leave the judgment up to Tracy, but it sure does sound like a classy occasion.

[Salon]

Local Organizations Running Out of Gang Violence Prevention Funds

Mission Local brings us news of the struggling organizations tasked with preventing gang violence from occurring in the first place.  Mission Beacon and the Northwest Community Response Network (CRN), ML explains, patrols the Mission in vans providing safe rides to kids during times of high tensions to prevent them from being swept up into street battles.  However, with $4/gallon gas, the organizations are struggling to keep the vans running.  They've appealed to SFPD to donate the gas, but the Department's promises of assistance have not been met to date.  Moreover, these organizations no longer can afford to do more than drive kids to and from their destinations:

And then,” adds Tuller, “What do you do once they’re in the vans? What do you do with them? You don’t have any money to buy them a pizza. To take them to the movies. Or to take them out of town for the weekend, the way that we used to. Yet the police department is entitled to a lot of overtime because they’re in a state of emergency.”

None of us are getting extra recompense,” a woman adds, ”other than that we love our kids and don’t want them to die.”

There's not a lot of information out there as to how to help these organizations, but you can donate to Mission Beacon on their website.

[Mission Local]

Bauer on Mission Chinese Food: "The Best Food Served in the Worst Surroundings"

I generally don't care about Michael Bauer's restaurant reviews because he talks about places that wouldn't appreciate it if a customer walked in the front door wearing jorts. However, Mickey B. occasionally goes slumming and talks about some “dive” that regular people can eat at.  Take his latest review, tackling neighborhood-favorite Mission Chinese Food. Predictably, he dug the food, calling MCF the “poster child for alternative dining scenarios.”  No doubt that's some high praise for a pair of worthy chefs, but what got me was his take on the restaurant's interior.  “Ignore the decor,” warned Bauer:

Clearly, Mission Chinese Food wins the award for the best food served in the worst surroundings. There's no ambience, the service can be slipshod at times and the beverage list consists of soft drinks, four beers including Blue Moon ($4) and house red and white wine for $4.

No ambience?  Dude, no.  I can get behind complaining about Blue Moon, but that dragon hanging from the ceiling is one of the most badass decorations found in any of San Francisco restaurants.  The only thing MCF could possibly do to make that place better is get a second dragon, if for no other reason than to let me watch two dragons fight for an hour while doing acid and eating szechuan pickles.

[SF Gate | Photo by Michelle Marie B]

What's Up With the "Lally's" Doorstep at Zeitgeist?

Wendy MacNaughton, illustrator of the killer “Meanwhile, Mission Bartenders” that appeared in The Rumpus, just published a bunch of b-sides to her blog, including this sketch of the front step into Zeitgeist.  Like Wendy, I've always been curious about what “Lally's” was all about, but figured the bartenders' time would be better spent blowing off another customer's question.  Wendy, on the other hand, got the scoop:

this is the doorstep of what is now Zeitgeist, but was once ice cream shop that doubled as a speakeasy during the prohibition years. ice cream was served upstairs, booze down below. the original tile entry remains.

Not that I don't enjoy a good tamale in a buck with my pint, but ice cream with an speakeasy in the basement?  Sounds like my dream come true.

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