"Kid’s so god damn nuts I’ll forgive him for wearing his sister’s pants"

Albe's Zack Gerber Edit from Albe's BMX on Vimeo.

One of my favorite things in the world is to hear what people from states that don't border a major body of water think of cool kid culture.  For example, one of my buddies from the Flagstaff AZ area was up here this weekend so, naturally, I took him by Dolores Park:

“I can't believe how many guys wear women's pants and ride track bikes.”

(laughing) “They aren't women's pants.”

“Really?  I thought that was the hipster thing?  Go into the women's section and find the tightest fitting jeans possible.”

“No, those are 'skinnies' and companies make men's styles.”

“That's fucked.”

Anyways, this morning I see that choice quote from Big Johnny, another guy from Flagstaff, on Drunk Cyclist talking about some BMXbro doing 'sick shit' without brakes.  So, apparently based on my sample of 2 people, everyone in Flagstaff thinks the Mission is full of cross-dressers.  Also, watch the video.  Wait until the billboard to house to street shot.  Fucking nuts.

Guest Commentary: "Union Street Fest: The Most Pointless San Francisco Festival"

(Editor's Note: this was authored by reader Neb, resident of Alamo Square, “The land halfway between the Mission and the Marina.”  Frankly, I'm surprised anyone reading this blog would have gone to Union St. Fest, but whatever.)

Having the cultural depth of an MMA arena crowd in Ed Hardy shirts, the Union Street Festival managed to degrade my expectations of the SUV Strollerfest of babies who were conceived at Circa. Held just blocks away from the Marina, the bridge and tunnel crowd gave the people of Fremont an excuse to rival the Jersey Shore cast in the daytime. Rushing over 5 hours earlier then their normal blowout voyage in a race to the bottom, proving Union Street as the most pointless Festival in San Francisco.

While the rest of San Francisco was enjoying the sunshine by biking through Golden Gate Park, debating the merits of bros icing bros while drinking equally lame New Belgium in Dolores Park, or perfecting their papercraft wizardry of blunt rolling, B&T managed to cram together in Gary Coleman-sized, walled-off beer gardens in the middle of the street.

Outsourcing the arts directive to Sausalito photography galleries with the appeal of new tourist markets, the booths consisted of crafts too American Apparel for Indie Mart, Yupster corporations targeting people with actual jobs, and a get your picture taken with Gavin “Batman” Newson photo op. The rest of the tents consisted of generic overpriced festival food found at any event but this time hungry patrons were only constrained by their muscle shirts, not Outside Lands border fences.

A Marina acquaintance described their turn at the overrun, Union Street shit show as “horrible. So overwhelming with drunken douchebags.” (Her words, not mine).  Look for next year's festival to be sponsored by orange spray-on tanfriendly zero percent interest rate ING. See you next year, Circa 2011.

Are L.A. Frat-Hipsters Inspired by Candy Ravers?

(photo via ChinaShop Magazine)

A friend introduced me the cultural embarrassment LMFAO this weekend.  After about 90 seconds into their video “Shots,” I was pretty sure we were not actually friends anymore:

Bro: gonna listen to LMFAO now and surf Maxim.com
Kevin J. Montgomery: LMFAO?
Bro: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNtTEibFvlQ
Kevin J. Montgomery: these guys are fucking hipster tools
Bro: NO THEY AREN'T
Bro: they're a product of the commodification of the hipster aesthetic
Bro: this is frat music
Bro: surprised you've never heard of them
Kevin J. Montgomery: so much product placement
Kevin J. Montgomery: how are they grammy nominated
Kevin J. Montgomery: this is a joke. I can't take this anymore. where's my gun? my computer needs to die

Anyways, two days later, I see this picture of some Neon Princess on ChinaShop Mag. and I can't stop thinking about the tools of LMFAO.  Is L.A. just full of electro-hipster that dropped too much e in high school?

Fairfax

I figured nothing could be better than waking up at 7am Saturday morning after merely getting 4 hours of sleep and driving up to Fairfax for 3.5 hours of mountain biking.  Unfortunately, I was wrong.  Because of this, I took ever opportunity to take photos of graffiti high up on Fairfax's hills.  Shitty pics by me, good pics by Paul R.

BONUS PIC: I puked about 20 seconds after this pic was taken.

Free Donuts on National Donut Day... except in San Francisco?

 

Today is National Donut (or Doughnut, if you're fancy) Day, which wouldn't be all that exciting since almost every single day of the year honors some kind of food, but I got excited because Krispy Kreme and Dunkin' Donuts are getting in on the action! Krispy Kreme is giving out free donuts (buyer's choice!) at participating locations, which was great when I thought I remembered a Krispy Kreme at Pier 39 from childhood field trips, and sad when I looked at their site and they said the nearest location was in Daly City—1575 Sullivan Ave., to be exact. Dunkin' Donuts is requiring a little more monetary effort on your part, and will only let you wrench a free donut from their grasp once you cough over enough for an iced coffee. I thought surely, there had to be a Dunkin' in SF but nada! zilch! America may “run on Dunkin,” but apparently San Francisco only runs on over-priced brunches, fog, and a loathing for public transportation. What gives with the lack of donut chains in SF? Are independent donut purveyors slanging out free deliciousness? Dynamo at least acknowledges the holiday, but doesn't seem to be jumping on the free donut express. If you know of anywhere spreading their sugary fried holes of love fo' free, holler in the comments section.