"The Gayest Messenger Bag Money Can Buy"

This just in: you can ride a fixed-gear track bicycle, lug packages across town and destroy family values all the at the same time!  DANG, jk y'all.

Buy it now from Timbuk2.

(Hat Tip YMFY)

Freedom From Porn: Protesting Steve Jobs' Stance on Pornography on the iPad

San Franciscans will protest anything: a reader cued us in on the latest protest going on around Apple's WWDC today.  That's right, Freedom From Porn is went around SOMA this morning tagging Apple ads.  So now instead of seeing someone Facebook creeping some girl named Jessica, you now know Steve Jobs likes to share vids of gang bangs.  From their website:

Dear Steve,

You don't want people looking at vaginas on the tablet you named after a feminine hygiene product? Something smells fishy.

Sincerely,

Dudes who like porn

P.S. If you agree that porn is great, you should send your favorite vids to sjobs@apple.com

Dunno about this.  I know it's kind of lame he doesn't allow porn in the app store because Daddy Knows Best, but considering many companies are embracing HTML5, isn't this sort of moot?  Can't we access Adult Friend Finder already?  Wait, does anyone reading this blog know what HTML5 is?  FUCK.

Anyways, here's a safe-for-work video of the protestors in action:

Freedom From Porn from Freedom From Porn on Vimeo.

Escape From New York Pizza, The Club

After the security guards graciously informed me that “Sir, you're standing in the middle of the street,” they went on to tell me that this was in fact an open and operating Escape From New York Pizza during the day.

Seriously? Just how fucking big is it in there??  As crackin as the scene may have been, I didn't pay the cover to find out.

And so I invite you, dear readers, to caption this photo.  Here are a few to start you off.

 a.) Two topping minimum.

b.) Cover costs more than a slice.

c.) Greasiest stripper poles on the West Coast.

d.) (…fill in the blank with your comment…)

 a.) Two topping minimum.

b.) Cover costs more than a slice.

c.) Greasiest stripper poles on the West Coast.

d.) (…fill in the blank with your comment…)

Is the Inner Mission the "Hipster Ditch?"

Curbed SF is declaring “that part of Inner Mission” full of nu-restaurants like Flour + Water should be called “Hipster Ditch.”  (R.I.P. “Media Gulch”).  Clearly the real estate agents, with their evil neighborhood renaming tactics, won't let that name stick, but is it a good one?  Obviously, the word “Hipster” is so over and that part of the Mission seems to my untrained eye to be more hispanic than PBR, but what do I know.  (Link)

(photo by The London Boil)

Summer Mini Vacation #2: The nude side of Baker Beach

Yesterday my friends & I got up bright and early (read: around noon) and mobbed out to Baker Beach … after making a quick pit-stop on Clement for some mimosa-making supplies. It was foggy when we got there, so we spread out our blankets on the clothed side - among dudes in Polartec vests walking golden retrievers and a Russian wedding with no fewer than eight inches of clip-in hair extensions per bridesmaid - and ate our lunch.

An hour or so later, the sun broke through the fog, the sky cleared and my friend and I managed to talk everyone else into a mass migration to (dun dun DUN) the Naked Side.

While obviously I can't put naked pictures of myself and my friends frolicking in the ocean on this blog, suffice it to say it was an invigorating experience.

There is truly nothing like climbing on rocks barefoot, seaweed between your toes, as the waves crash all around you, nothing like running naked through the surf with a 40 of High Life in your left hand and a carton of Tropicana in your right. I can't help but throw out a really trite reference here, but … I've sometimes wondered what it's like to be on one of Ryan McGinley's infamous naked roadtrips. If yesterday was any indication, the answer is really, really amazing.

For real though, readers, you all should do this! Maybe you can't afford to jet off to the Ligurian Riviera for topless sunbathing, but it is fully possible to create a little piece of Cinque Terre right here in San Francisco. I'm not a hippie by any means, but being naked in nature is straight-up fun.

Do Mission Bars Need Their Own iPhone App?

I'm not 100% sure why this app exists with Yelp and what not, but if you're new to town or bad at filtering out the noise, someone made an app “Mission Bars.”  Because I don't understand iTunes, I cannot give you a link to the app.  Anyways, there are so many bars off the list, perhaps it is just editorializing which are the best?  Mission Bar, Make-Out Room, The Attic, Clooney's (the bar of 2010), Dovre Club, Zeitgeist (not that they need to be put on any more lists), El Trebol, the JayN' Bee Club and many others are all off the list.

That said, the brief descriptions of each bar are generally honest.  Unlikely everyone who denies Doc's Clock is a North Beach/Marina bar, they call out the obvious.  Oddly enough, they don't mention that Delirium is a coke bar.  Shrug.

Followup: Dolores Park Police Chase

Chalkman weighs in:

CHP hot pursuit of red camero. KPIX news van in pursuit as well. Perp comes down Dolores and realizes mistake as “cars parked for church—wink wink” have Dolores down to one lane each way. Perp cuts across middle and drives down wrong way before cops box him in. Driver bails between 17th and 18th, runs around corner at 18th and Dolores and gets tazed by SFPD on the garage door next to Bi-Rite creamery (red door with white diamonds). Passenger stays with car and has multiple guns pointed at her by CHP and SFPD.

Tazer scream was loud enough to get me to come out from my place across the street. Perp cuffed and taken away by CHP within 15 mins of tazering.

Obligatory WWDC/iPhone 4 coverage: NOW WITH STEAMY VIDEO CHAT YALL!

(Image via gdgt, caption via Gizmodo)

Yup, there's video chat …so long as your using WiFi and it's to another iPhone 4.  But hey, it's the thought that counts right?  Hopefully they'll quickly figure out how to make it work seamlessly between iPhone 4s and other Macs, then it will be at least kinda/sorta useful.  

Also, that sexy metallic band that runs around the edge of the redesigned body?  It's an extension of it's antenna.  That's hawt.  And sort of conceptually phallic now that I think about it…

This beast is also boasting multi-tasking as promised, a supped up battery, the iPad's A4 processor, four times the screen resolution of the 3GS, and an upgraded “back” camera they're comparing to “an old Lieca”.  (All info jacked directly from Gizmodo's live blogging of WWDC.) 

The iPhone 4 drops on June 24th, preorders start the 15th, at $199 for 16gb and $299 for 32gb.  Freak the fuck out, San Francisco.

If San Francisco Crime Was Elevation

Reader “Mission Grinch” sends us this excellent map of Crime data in SF:

Congratulations to the hard working whores of Capp street for bringing home the city's prostitution championship. What would that trophy look like?

The sad part is that Capp St. straight up DOMINATES in that category.  That said, I was surprised how little robbery happens in the Mission.

Be sure to check out the full set on Doug McCune's blog.