No Lighter, No Matches, No Problem

If anyone ever asks you where San Francisco's creative center is, point them towards Dolores Park.  After discovering that no lighter was available, boy busts out a credit card sized magnifying glass and starts burning the danke HC 420 with it.  Reminded me of killing ants in my grandparent's backyard.  Al Gore would be proud.

Hippies fuck up my Friday commute home with their misdirected BP protest, resulting in more gas use.

SF Weekly reports that KevMo's hippie cyclist cohorts are planning some kind of anti-BP protest party that should start momentarily.  I do like parties and I do like protests against foreign dickwad oil companies, but what I don't like is when you assholes do it at the ARCO station at Divisadero and Fell at 5:30pm on a Friday afternoon.  

The section of Fell between the Octavia off-ramp and Divisadero is the kind of one-way corridor where if just one asshole decides to double-park, it dominos and the entire strip turns from a 5 minute drive into a 20 minute drive.  So fuck you for ruining my Friday and causing hundreds of motorists to spend even more time idling in their cars, burning even more gas.  Also fuck you for taking this out on an individual station owner; because he's totally to blame for BP's irresponsible policies, amirite?  Dick.

Also, here's a New York Times article to explain to you exactly why you're a misinformed dipshit.  I'd gladly do it, but I have to leave work early to deal with this shit storm you've created for me on Fell St.

As Jon Stewart would say, here's your moment of zen:

“We think that area could be put to better use, like a park, community garden or storefront.”

~Janel Sterbentz, event organizer.


[UPDATE: 8:00PM, 6/11/10]

I drove by around 6:30pm.  There was a fair turnout who were only partially obstructing the entrance to the station.  Traffic on Fell was noticeably slower, with serious congestion beginning around Steiner. 

Photo courtesy of my shitty cameraphone and the extra traffic that allowed me to take this pic.

BevMo Five Cent Wine Sale

you guys: 5 cent wine time at BevMo. This is like Christmas for boozy housewives and the vast majority of the people in DUI classes. You do have to buy a bottle to get the discount, but is MORE wine really a bad thing? I tried to cheat the system by buying the stuff priced like it tastes like dirt and gasoline with notes of suck for full price and the expensive (read: expensive for me, approx $20) for 5 cents, but then I realized it has to be two bottles of the SAME wine. Bor-ing. BevMo is sneaky and knows I'll just buy more wine to get some variety. Anyways, there's at least three locations in San Francisco (on Bayshore, Van Ness, and Geary), and at least one location conveniently located a 20 minute walk from my apartment if anyone wants to pick me up some vino. You can also place your order online and go get it picked up, or get it shipped to your home, if your bike isn't up to getting weighed down by your alcohol problem and you dont want commuters mean mugging you on MUNI.

And no word yet on whether KevMo will also be honoring the sale, and offering you a second time for 5 cents if you purchase him for full price. Last time I checked, full price was roughly the cost of a few pbrs, shots of whiskey, and a compliment about his bike.

Former Indie Rockers / "Cool Dad" Band Weezer Release US World Cup Theme

Weezer reminds us that it DOES matter if you win or lose.  BEAT ENGLAND!  Lets do this for the Brits taxing our forefathers, British Petroleum spilling oil onto our shores, and for Radiohead snubbing Miley Cyrus last year.

All the cool kids will be at AT&T Park tomorrow at 11:30am for the USA vs England game, Fun Cheap SF has the details.

Weezer's 'Represent' is available to download for free on iTunes.

Cool Kid Travels: Tel-a-LaViva

An Israeli “burrito”.  Our friend Idan insisted that we try them.  I'm a monolinguistic American so I let him order for me in Hebrew.  The tortilla was chewy as fuck, there was no rice and beans involved and no cheese for obvious (kosher) reasons.  If that doesn't paint a clear enough picture, let me just add that there were also pickles and several 'mystery sauces' involved.  If this was supposed to be Mexican food, then why the fuck did it taste like sweet and sour sauce? (via Panda Express)

Needless to say, Tel Aviv is not the Mission.  In fact, from what I could tell no part of the country is even remotely hipster.  No fixies, no ironic mustaches, and no jorts sans me and my SF cohort.  This is a place where there's no distinction between vintage and thrift in fashion; if it's new it's good, if it's old it's bad.   Up until a couple of months ago, there was even a customs ban on the iPad.  And you DON'T want to fuck with Israeli customs when your Apple products are on the line.

One of the few 'archeological' findings suggesting the possible presence of a hipster culture; featuring an 'Indie/Tronic' dance party and 2k6 buzzband the Klaxons(?)

One of the few 'archeological' findings suggesting the possible presence of a hipster culture; featuring an 'Indie/Tronic' dance party and 2k6 buzzband the Klaxons(?)

One of our Israeli friends, Liat, is a self proclaimed 'club girl'.  She prefers the kind of scene we had experienced just the night before at the Port district of Tel Aviv (imagine the Marina club scene to the seventh power of Mediterranean flavored douchedom.)  At the Port I had blown through almost 180 scheckles on cabs and cover alone.  YES, THAT'S A REAL KIND OF MONEY.  

I was fed up with the techno laced fist-pumping scene and Liat knew it.  So on the second night of our doomed three day quest to find a karaoke bar in a karaoke-less country, Liat met us at a place loosely translated as “The Third Ear” where rumors of karaoke had been whispered from six degrees of Hebrew separation.  When she came down the stairs to greet us she had a look of disgust and warned us profusely as to how awful it was and just how much we would hate it inside. 

Since this supposed 'karaoke bar' was located above what looked like a medium sized record store; too disorganized for a Barnes & Noble yet too sterile for Amoeba, I was understandably skeptical.  But we had just spent 45 minutes walking here, so ignoring Liat's prophecies we climbed the stairs to investigate; the walls slowly beginning to take on the appearance of a stickered and graffiti'd MIssion bathroom.  As we neared the top I heard the familiar dying cat calls of amateur night at the the Mint, but quickly discovered that it was actually the sound of a local three piece rock band playing for a surprisingly well sized crowd.  For the first time in Israel, I was in love with a bar.  The low lighting; the selection of whiskey and stout on tap; the first Israelis I had seen in two weeks with even half a sense of style.  It was just like an SF dive except you could still smoke inside (RIP Amber) and between the bands the jukebox had a playlist that ranged from the White Stripes to the Beach Boys.

Settling in with our drinks, I pointed out a pair of girls to Liat.  One was what most Americans would identify as a hipster with a capital H.  Horizontal striped dress, the bangs, exaggerated red lip stick.  I explained to Liat that these girls were what we would call “hipster” in America, and asked her if they had a word for them here.  She looked at the girls, then turned to me with disappointment and very matter of factly said one word: “Trashy.”

Bi-Rite Opening a Second Location on Divis

Best non-vegan Halloween costume ever.

Best non-vegan Halloween costume ever.

If you don't read Inside Scoop, you might have missed this: the folks at Bi-Rite are opening a second market (sorry Creamery fans) at Divisadero and Grove.  Paolo says “it's very much TBD,” so maybe they'll have a combination of the market selection with some scoop service.  Interesting part of the piece is that they compare Divis to 18th and specifically compare Golden Gate Park/Alamo to Dolores Park.  Maybe they are preparing for the business hit that the Dolores Park renovation will bring?  I'll personally be spending my lazy afternoons at Potrero del Sol, but that's mainly because I hate crossing Market St.  Is Alamo the next big thing?

(photo by jackhonky)