Douche On Wheels

Badass Freedom Van Owner Actually Sleazy Pick-Up Artist That Harasses Women On OkCupid

We've been fans of the Pedobear/R.I.P 2pac/Freedom Van that parks around Cesar Chavez for quiet some time, and recently other neighborhood notables picked up on it and give it more deserved praise.  But today we learn—much to our dismay—that the rando behind the wheel of our neighborhood's most idiosyncratic vehicle is actually Jeff “Jeffy” Allen, a professional pick-up instructor who harasses local women on OkCupid.  Katie J.M. Baker of Jezebel got to the bottom of it:

Last August, Amanda, a 26-year old Marketing Manager for a software company based in San Francisco, received an message on OKCupid from Captain_Derp. His initial missive was obnoxiously twee — “Um. Hi. Anyways, I feel you appear attractive and consequently would like to explore the possibility of enhancing your life by means of exposure to my awesomeness kthxbai” — but she was curious about a photo on his profile, captioned: “Consensual Sex in the Missionary Position For the Sole Purpose of Reproduction Van. I painted it myself.” […]

Captain_Derp asked her to meet him at a tapas bar, but the night before their date she had a change of heart, and messaged him to say as much. In response, he wrote, “Why am I not surprised. Eat a bag of dicks” and “Also, I guarantee your date with me would be far more horrifying than these last two amateurs you went out with. I drive a fucking RAPE VAN. Ps you're fat.” Lovely. [Read on]

Not only that, but the stencils of people on the back isn't some sort of hilarious joke “people I've hit” body count, but actually a boastful running tally of women he's given STDs to:

Should we be giving someone the attention they crave simply for being a chauvinist?  No.  But considering we've sung his praises before, letting this slide is just too much.