Bicycles

Playable Electric Guitar Bicycle (And Other Functional Nonsense From Cyclecide)

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

If you suffered the misfortune of not attending Cyclecide's Heavy Pedal Crank Art Exhibition, here is a brief look at the brilliantly creative bicycle hooey you missed:

What we have here is a functional, playable electric guitar bicycle thingy.  I have no idea how real guitars work (other than that heroin addicts pick them up and make beautiful sounds), never mind a bicycle electric guitar.  But I was assured by a handsome scumbag in a denim vest that it most certainly played music, despite its burdening weight.

This is a custom lowrider with a bejeweled seatpost and a smoking baby gripping a nip of Jack.

I was told Cyclecide is no longer permitted to ride the Bomb Bike within a 6 block radius of Civic Center Plaza anymore (I was not actually told this).

This bike punches the dumb fucks in front of you hogging the bike lane.

Finally, this beautiful Mad Max monstrosity really stole the show.  It features a detachable sidecar, ammo storage, “oh shit” bars, fuel canisters (for burning down the state, or something), bells, whistles, and countless cup holders for bottles of bourbon.

With that, I must implore you to check out Cyclecide's next show, so follow their blog and keep up to date.

SFPD Officers Think Bikes Stopping For Stop Signs is Kinda Bullshit Too

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Local cyclist Amy Farah Weiss explains what went down on Haight the other day:

At the 25 second mark, this video shows two cyclists on Haight Street demonstrating the “Idaho roll” (aka yielding at a stop sign rather than fully stopping) … the catch is that these are SF police officers on bikes. I am fully supportive of the “spirit of the law” approach to bike-riding, and wish that tickets were only given when a cyclist shows disregard for the safety/flow of others.

I'm personally interested in this issue since I received a $388 ticket for failing to come to a full and complete stop at an EMPTY intersection on the Wiggle (In my case I applied my brakes and wasn't pedaling, but the officer wasn't moved by my “spirit of the law” defense).

For those of you not in the know, the “Idaho Stop Law” is a nice piece of Reagan-era cycling legislation from the lefty moonbat progressive red state of Idaho permitting cyclists to treat stop signs as yield signs, making what the two officers did in this video completely legal.  And the law works.  For 30 years, the law has reduced case load in Idaho traffic courts while increasing cycling rates without increasing accident rates.  So it's no wonder people are calling for the adoption of the law in SF, especially given all the unnecessary SFPD cycling crackdowns we've seen lately.

Anyway, it's good to know the rank and file of SFPD agrees with San Francisco's cycling citizenry on this issue.  Now, can you stop busting our balls?

UPDATE: In related news:

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Public Bikes Invades Weird Valencia Furniture Store

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

Supporting the theory that most people just use their bikes as coat racks, fancy commuter bicycle company Public Bikes is moving into Harrington Galleries on Valencia.

According to Mr. Eric Sir (who snapped this photo and broke the news of this nascent challenge to Mission Bicycle's cornering of the clean-cut cyclist market), this is having an impact on the furniture store itself:

To make up for the lack of space, Harrington has opened part of their upstairs space to the public; which makes me wonder if I was supposed to be wandering around up there the other day. That would explain why there’s no prices on anything in that part of the store. Hmm…

Harrington's website claims Public Bikes will be running their “pop-up shop” through the spring and summer, so, uhh, get ready?

[via Mr. Eric Sir]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

"Merry Band of Mariachi-Punk Musicians" to Throw Down at Cyclecide's Heavy Pedal Crank Art Exhibition Closing Party TONIGHT

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I know it can be a little hard to see what's going on in the photo, but that's an art gallery full of bikes—oh so many bikes.  And should you want to see this exhibition with your very own eyes, you'll have to head over to The LAB at 16th and Capp between 8-11pm tonight for the closing night party.

Cyclecide has the info:

The aim of this exhibition is to explore the concepts, principles, and ideas that the bike has inspired, transgressed, or altered.

Join us for a fun and inspiring weekend celebrating that most versatile machine, the Bicycle. Artists recycling bicycle parts, making work inspired by the bicycle or building their own hybrid machines include Johnny Payphone (clockwork bike); Keith Martin; August Wood; Loid Mongoloid(bike slot machine and jewelry); Jay Broemmel (slouch cycles-altered bikes); John & Sarina Raffa; Slim Buick (custom vintage bikes); Paul Cesewski (Kinetic bike sculptures); Kal Spelletich (Turbo Trike); Yoli Hadde; Neil Smith & Justin Solomon (Black Label Bike Club,  Oakland); and Jarico Reesce (Cyclecide), among others. We Invite all to come and see bikes that have been transformed or altered into pre-cycled sculptures and vehicles of imagination!

Also join Cyclecide and participating artists for Saturday night’s closing party celebrating the rise of the Bikes. Screenings of Jay Broemmel’s spoof “The Loaded Warrior” and the Cyclecide bike “safety” video. DJs, live performance by Los Banos, Cyclecide’s merry band of mariachi-punk musicians, and more to be announced.

Merry ban of mariachi-punk musicians, you say?  Well worth the $7-15 sliding scale donation!

Picasso's Bicycle "Bull's Head" Updated For the I-Used-to-Dismember-Dolls Crowd

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

70 years ago, Pablo Picasso affixed a bicycle handlebar and saddle together and called it “Bull's Head,” inspiring generators of shitty DIY crafters to put two 'found objects' together like puzzle pieces and call themselves artists on Etsy.  And, fortunately enough, Picasso's pioneering work has been refreshed for the I-used-to-dismember-my-sister's-dolls-and-throw-the-limbs-at-the-neighborhood-cats crowd (of which I was most certainly not a member) outside of Radio Habana Social Club.

Neighborhood Bike Theft (Finally) on the Decline

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

According to Mission Station and the Examiner:

Theft reports have been down in the Mission since the launch of a crackdown, Mission Station police Capt. Robert Moser said on the station's website Friday.

“In January we had 50 bicycles reported stolen in the Mission,” Moser said. “In February it was 44.  As of March 22, we have had 19 reported stolen.” [Link]

[Photo by Bhautik Joshi | h/t SFist]

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Talk to the Cops About Bike Theft

— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |

I'm guessing the majority of the readers of this blog would rather drag their naked bodies down a Mission Street sidewalk than talk to the cops about anything, but for the few of you that wouldn't mind, this community meeting to discuss bike theft in the Mission could be really valuable!  Or not.  I haven't been to the meeting yet.

That's right, on March 29th at 6:30pm in the Mission Station Community Room, SFPD will hold a meeting “to promote an open discussion between bicycle advocates, community members and the San Francisco Police Department on how to better respond to bike theft, current practices and how to better protect your bicycle.”  Yes, they want to hear your thoughts on their response to bike theft.

For those of you not already fast asleep on your keyboard, let me just say that it's nice to see SFPD stepping up their game in this department.  Sure, their current practices of fuck-it-let's-put-this-stupid-motherfucker-into-a-coma and creating a recovered bike database are great and all, but it's not helping anyone I know get their bikes/wheels/saddles/handlebars/spokecards back.  Perhaps something good will come of this?

Previously on Uptown Almanac: 

Pages