Hella 7x7 girls meant I hella pregamed
and it was pretty solid. Felt like most people were there to impress the internet with their knowledge of obscure drinks. Example: some bitties ordered “Malibu Sunrises.” Me, being the generally clueless individual that I am, asked the bar manager how to make it and he replied, “is it a
tequila sunrise? I’ve never heard of it.” So I asked the girl how to make it and she was all “dunno, has cranberry juice and blah blah blah.” So I got to throw down: “Look, half of the people here are drinking Hamm’s and look like they would rather judge your bicycle than have sex with you. Why don’t you order a beer or go put
Tearin’ Up My Heart on you iPod Shuffle and BOUNCE.” Then I ran around high-fiving my friends because I finally got to be a surly bartender and proceeded to slam a shot of Jameson with
Stu and
Ed.
All this and I managed to wake up feeling a-okay.
Comments (2)
im at work thinking death would be preferable to the “im going to type one word per minute” haze im in, and i blame you expressly. stop being so tall. stop being good-looking. and my bike is made for people at least two feet bigger than i am. i hate you. except not really, because i pretend this is a vegan blog i follow and they ask me questions like “where did you find that huge fucking jesus doll.”
at least you didn’t get beer in some girls hair like The Don Brizzmillions