I don't think before I type's Posts

you guys: 5 cent wine time at BevMo. This is like Christmas for boozy housewives and the vast majority of the people in DUI classes. You do have to buy a bottle to get the discount, but is MORE wine really a bad thing? I tried to cheat the system by buying the stuff priced like it tastes like dirt and gasoline with notes of suck for full price and the expensive (read: expensive for me, approx $20) for 5 cents, but then I realized it has to be two bottles of the SAME wine. Bor-ing. BevMo is sneaky and knows I'll just buy more wine to get some variety. Anyways, there's at least three locations in San Francisco (on Bayshore, Van Ness, and Geary), and at least one location conveniently located a 20 minute walk from my apartment if anyone wants to pick me up some vino. You can also place your order online and go get it picked up, or get it shipped to your home, if your bike isn't up to getting weighed down by your alcohol problem and you dont want commuters mean mugging you on MUNI.

And no word yet on whether KevMo will also be honoring the sale, and offering you a second time for 5 cents if you purchase him for full price. Last time I checked, full price was roughly the cost of a few pbrs, shots of whiskey, and a compliment about his bike.

So there’s an art opening at Cafe Royale this Thursday called “Hipster Apocalypse,” and reading about it I’m just like….ughhhhhhh. I mean, read the description:

Ironically, although hipsters have existed in one form or another for decades, the hipster movement has become more main stream, influencing the American status quo by supporting alternative art, music, and fashion. Like an epidemic of entitlement, the hipster condition has spread across America and over the seas to Japan and other countries susceptible to American culture. We see hipsters every day riding their fixed-gear bicycles on their way to studying film at local art schools. They drink the most expensive coffee and the cheapest beer. Imagine a world where alternative culture is pop culture; a world where Vampire Weekend plays the half time show at the Super Bowl instead of Bruce Springsteen; a world where stores selling used records and clothing are as large and as common as Walmart. The purpose of this show is to create awareness of the hipster way and the rise in demand for outrageous moustaches, vacuum sealed jeans, high-school sports tee shirts, and the over-consumption of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Now, (TAKING ALL OF MY STRENGTH TO OVERLOOK THEIR USE OF THE WORD IRONIC) I don’t generally drink Pabst because I have taste buds, but I do a lot of hipstery things like not eating meat and loving boys with ironic facial hair. And I’m just tired of the term “hipster”.  It feels like 20-somethings are divided into “hipsters” and “bros and beezies,” and they’re supposed to hate each other and be condescending towards each other and blah blah blah.  And at this point I'm like WHO CARES. We all grew up with a sense of entitlement because most of us were born to upper middle class white people who coddled us and told us we were “special” while rearing us in suburbia and sending us to SAT prep classes because we were "destined to succeed." Some of us embraced this upbringing, moved to the Marina, and continued to live off of the emotional and financial support of our parents. Others were like, “wait, but I’m different and I want people to know I’m different and SO not like my parents,” so they moved to the Mission and liked the same things everyone else liked, like second-hand flannel and oversized glasses, while continuing to live off of the emotional and financial support of our parents. So I guess my whole point is…don’t point the finger at hipsters for this culture of entitlement sweeping over the helpless nation “like an epidemic.” It’s my whole goddamned generation, and you created us.

That said, I'm sure it's all very lovely art (UNICORNS! RAAAAAINBOWS!!), and the reception goes from 8pm-midnight. make up your own minds, you goddamned conformists.

Apparently, today is Free Comic Book Day. Basically, from what I've figured out, you just show up and they give you a free comic. It'll probably be a pretty shitty one,  but hey, it's free, and you can just lie to your friends and say it's "obscure" and "underrated", unless of course they went and got the same shitty comic. Maybe you can bond over your shared secret and live in constant fear that the others will out you as an owner of crappy comics. whatevs, ITS FREE.

According to the website, Mission Comics and Art, Neon Monster, Isotope, and Comix Experience are all participating. Caffeinated Comics apparently doesn't believe in free comics, and probably tells kids Santa isnt real either so screw those assholes (edit: looks like they believe in free comics).  Considering I just woke up from a night of bartending and boozing and only pretend to read comics so nerdy boys will sleep with me, I don't think I'm gonna make it, but hopefully just writing about it will give me that nerd boost that being obsessed with zombies just cant bring, and some guy in fake glasses and an argyle sweater vest will find me attractive. SWOON.