I don't think before I type's Comments

This artist's rendering is 99.9% accurate.  You would have to be a Michael Cera sized pussy to agree to be this pair's man-boy butler.

This Craigslist ad calls for a single, non-sexually active, financially well-off male to provide two fist pumping Marina girls with alcohol, carry them home while drunk, and cook for them.  It's also another interesting example of Marina kids choosing to involve grammar/spelling in their roommate choices.  

No deposit?  Carnivorous, alcoholic, busty nudist rommates?  An LMFAO reference?    

'Definitley' interested. 

Looking for young professional GUY roommate in 3 bedroom 2 bath apt. 

 

Room is master with bath included. $1,100 per month. 

 

Who we are: 

 

24 & 25 year old females 

 

Petite brunettes with a whole lotta boob. 

 

We share a bathroom, and sometimes shower 

 

Must be okay with female nudity 

 

Work in SF

 

We like shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots… and meat 

 

 

Who YOU are: 

 

27-30ish year old male 

 

Non-rapist, non-creeper, non-short, non pet owner, non ugly, non smoker, non druggie (this includes weed at home), non slut (girlfriend welcome, slut parade not welcome) 

 

Over 6’ tall 

 

Not the tallest of your friends 

 

Active and probably strong enough to carry us both home at the same time at 2am (think bis and tris like the Hulk, a smile like Cristiano Ronaldo) 

 

A college graduate 

 

EMPLOYED (9-5 regular job, no moonlighting) 

 

Able to spell the word “definitely” 

 

Like buying us alcohol and getting us drunk 

 

An overall real good time 

 

Roommate Questions: 

 

1) Word association: 

G 

 

2) Fill in the blank 

___HOT*___ Carl [*editor's note]

 

3) Multiple choice: 

-Music 

-Dancing 

-Dancing to music 

 

4) True or False, you know how to cook without using the microwave: 

 

5) You will fill our DVR with: 

a. Sports 

b. Whale Wars 

c. Jersey Shore 

d. Porn 

 

6) Do you listen to nature noises at night? 

 

***SEND picture with response (we ARE using the checklist above) 

 

***All submissions will be considered*** 

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• Won't You Be My Bromate?