I don't think before I type's Comments

 Goog's called out 

Google's new Google Art Project launched on Tuesday in collaboration with 17 museums around the world to bring you masterpieces easily viewable in your living room, but failed to include any Bay Area Art Museums. The Asian Art Museum tweeted about it yesterday with the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts Retweeting. This dis' comes on the heels of SFMoMA's  exciting announcement today of 195 works promised to its permanent collection by art luminaries such as Jackson Pollock, Robert Rauschenberg, Jasper Johns, Francis Bacon, and Gerard Richter. Pretty great for SFMoMA, and apparently not good enough for Google.

Vincent van Gogh's "The Starry Night"

Despite Google's major "fuck you" to its neighboring museums, Google Art Project is pretty legit. Google's Street View technology is now being used to bust drug dealers to bring these uber elitist museums' galleries straight to your laptop. The Art Project has selected a few masterpieces from each of the 17 museums to let viewers zoom in hella close on artworks like Vincent van Gogh's "The Starry Night" at the New York MoMA, without having a museum guard freak the fuck out on you. But if you want to do that in San Francisco, you're going to actually have to put some clothes on and pay an admission fee until Google realizes its neighbs have some pretty awesome art too.

So I'm walking the two miles home down Mission Street--because Muni fucking sucks more than anyone outside of this city can possibly fucking understand--when I get to the always beautiful southeast corner of 16th & Mission.  There is a shitstorm of crazy going around me, even more than usual, and a short man and a woman post up right next to me as I wait for the light to change so I can cross. They start yelling at each other, the man pushes the woman and she pushes back and the next thing I know some big crazy dude comes from across the street and gets up in it. The short guy pulls out a knife and starts flailing around with it trying to slash these two, right fucking next to me, and he starts backing away wildly and almost into me.

I start running away from the guy and  see a cop car across the street in front of Walgreens sitting with its doors open. I run up to the car as the short guy is continuing to try to stab these people back at the corner. I tell the passenger-side cop what's happening, and he gets out, gun blazing brandished, and his partner pulls out a shotgun and starts heading up at them too. They run up to the scene and the short, knife-wielding guy runs off, but doesn't get far, as pictured above.

To top it off, some old drunk guy (epic mustache man?) starts calling me a gringo and a joto (alright, point taken), but then he starts trying to shove me as I'm trying to take a photo of the guy getting arrested. The shitstorm of crazy was still swirling all around me, so I decided it might be time to go, especially since I was also carrying two big old bags filled with school books and my laptop. The lesson I take away from this is: fuck Muni.

I really want to say that this isn't around the corner from Wang Insurance. I mean, I really want to say that. But I can't, because this is around the corner from Wang Insurance. 

As T.S. Eliot once said, "I don't believe one grows older. I think that what happens early on in life is that at a certain age one stands still and stagnates."

And as some idiot on the internet once said, "hah hah hah wiener jokes!  I stagnated at 12."

So, it's approaching that time of year again kids. BAY TO MOTHERFUCKING BREAKERS.

I'm sure, like me, you've been up late at night worrying over what super unique ensemble you're going to put together for Douchebag Pride Parade 2010. And oh boy is it ever tough to decide which posse of assholes to hang with while you sleaze your way through the City.

Well worry no more. The Jersey Shore To Breakers float has got you covered!

The fine folks behind this fraternity on wheels are super pumped to announce "the return of the biggest and best float at Bay To Breakers" and this year's theme is...OMG wait for it...the Jersey Shore! So original!

So much about this pisses me off, I don't know where to start.

First of all, you can't dress up like a bunch of douchebags when you already ARE a bunch of douchebags. This is like Jeffrey Dahmer going as a serial killer for Halloween. If you already own an Ed Hardy shirt, you can't dress up as a person who would wear an Ed Hardy shirt because YOU ALREADY ARE THAT PERSON.

Second, this group wants you to know that they are totally all about preserving "the tradition of B2B." Wow, what a noble fucking cause. How generous of you to take time out of your busy schedule of sauntering down Chestnut and date-raping to save the very event people like you helped ruin. I tip my trucker hat to you, right after I barf in it.

Fuck Bay To Breakers. Shit's deader than Lindsay Lohan's career. There was a time when it was more than a parade of 22-year-old frat boys & sorority sluts who can't get over college puking their way down Fell Street. For fuck's sake, my dad ran that shit and he was not a man to put up with bullshit, but B2B has been gentrified by scumbags and mental midgets just like everything else that used to be cool in SF.

I hate that people like this live in my city and think that spending a Sunday pissing and puking while wearing ironic running shorts and sweatbands has anything to do with what San Francisco is all about. I can't wait until they all trade in their overpriced Marina flats for comfortable deathtraps in the suburbs and get the fuck out of town.

Why the rage? It's simple. You don't go to someone's house, piss all over their couch, and then wonder why they hate you.