Have you looked at Instagram in the last 10 minutes? Gazed out a window? No? Well, here's what you missed.

And the whole thing!

Growing up when I was real young, gross old people used to tell me “Red sky at night, sailor's delight.”  I guess that saying is only applicable on the East Coast, because San Francisco is about to load up a love boat full of mating pairs of every easily identifiable subculture (do I smell a Bold Italic backstory?) to carry on our fine cultural traditions.  The Department of Public Works is even giving out free sandbags to aid in keeping water out of businesses and other vital services.

“If your property flooded before, there’s a good chance it could flood again,’’ DPW Director Mohammed Nuru said in a press release. “Come and get sandbags to prepare now.”

We here at Uptown Almanac also encourage you to stock up on water, Cheetos, batteries, candles and other various flammable material and cash in your remaining sick days, because it's going to be wicked wet.