PBR
I made my way to Mercury Lounge for that photo show the other night and bore witness to a strange and jarring conversation between our pal John and the Mission-oblivious bartender:
OPJ: "Can I get P-B-R?"
MOB: "Sure."
[MOB turns, stares at a bucket of Corona for a moment or two, and turns back towards OPJ]
MOB: "I'm sorry, I don't know that drink."
OPJ: "P-B-R? It stands for Pabst Blue Ribbon."
MOB: "Oh, right."
[MOB grabs a can and cracks it open]
MOB: "That'll be four bucks."
Cristina writes in to tell us about an AIDS Lifecycle fundraiser going down this Sunday at 3pm in Bernal Heights:
There's a kick-ass show happening this Sunday, May 1st at the Wild Side West in Bernal Heights. It's a benefit show for three riders in the AIDS Lifecycle. The P's & Q's, The Heated and Tik-Tik Fly (a duo, one of whom tap dances!) will be performing. There will be bottomless PBR for a 10$ donation, delicious BBQ and a raffle with a chance to win many rad prizes (like a Get Awesome tote bag printed by The Heated, or a bicycle tie from This Humble Abode).
Bottomless PBR? What the what? That sounds like a perfect, if not miserable, conclusion to a morning of bottomless mimosas at brunch. Thanks for the heads up!
I went into Luna Park the other day to blow $15 dollars on pasta and figured, "Hey, while I'm here, I might as well splurge on a three dollar PBR." Sure enough, my PBR came to me in a brown bag, neatly folded over to the correct height and diameter of the can. First I thought, "I'm not homeless." Then I thought about how terrible for the environment it was. Then I laughed at how Luna Park was trying too hard to be cool in the eyes of 'fucking hipsters.' Then I realized I enjoyed the attention to detail, even if it was totally unnecessary. Christ, I never knew a fucking Pabst could make me experience a range of emotions. I'm going to go cry into my pillow and listen to Sunny Day Real Estate.
Today I bring you exciting news from the Orient:
Everyone's favorite American Shit Beer lager is now being exported to China in a fancy new glass bottle under a new name, "Pabst Blue Ribbon 1844." According to Danwei, an advertisement in the business magazine Window of the South reads:
It's not just Scotch that's put into wooden casks. There's also Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer 1844
Many world-famous spirits
Are matured in precious wooden casks
Scotch whisky, French brandy, Bordeaux wine...
They all spend long days inside wooden casks[cut]
It's truly a treasure among beers
So, how much does one rebranded, Scotch-like pee-burrr cost you? $44 U.S. dollars. Seems like a lot of money, especially considering when I was in China in December, a 32oz of PBR was $0.07 USD. Coolster legitimacy ruined.
(Danwai, via The New Yorker. Thanks for the tip, anonymous reader!)
Previously on Uptown Almanac
I was curious as to what PBR was doing with the $5,000 I've given to them over the years (give or take $5,000), so I took a look at their 'totally fresh' internet website. Turns out PBR has been busy making an iPhone app telling you where you can 'get PBRed ASAP'. If you ever thought that PBR was not marketed to you, dearest starry-eyed Missionista, time to get real: this app is straight-up reppin' that bodega known as Elixir. My favorite feature has to the direct link to call your local bar to find out if they have PBR.
1) *grumble grumble* Hey this is Pop's, why the fuck are you calling us?
2) Hi, I'm looking for a place to drink Pabst Blue Ribbon, would you by chance have any in stock?
*Dead Air*
2) Hello?
1) Sorry, I was just loading the shotgun.
I gave the app a run on my phone. Turns out every bar in the fucking Mission has PBR. Who knew! But now I have a PBR icon in my phone dock (I decided a PBR locator was more important than that stupid 'telephone' app I had down their previously), which pretty much makes my iPhone the most unique iPhone ever.
In other news, PBR is now selling branded mittens. You can thank me later.
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