Local Food Blogger Seasons Package Thief With Bear Spray
— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
In what could be San Francisco's closest real-life adaptation of Kill Bill, “Professional Food Pornographer” Sonya Yu made a citizen's arrest of a suspected serial package thief in Noe Valley earlier today after catching him in the act. How? Because of Noe Valley's proximity to The Castro, residents keep an ample supply of bear spray handy. And swords. Japanese bokkens, to be exact—and she wasn't afraid to use them.
According to Sonya's fiance, through Noe Valley SF, the couple laid out a bear trap, complete with a motion-activated video camera and a fake package (aka “bait”) left out to be stolen. For our benefit, Sonya livetweeted the whole ordeal, from setup to arrest:
Apparently, our neighborhood thief has a violent rape rap sheet. My bear spray, bokken, & I are still not intimidated.
— Sonya Yu (@sonyayu) November 27, 2012
@cindyloughridge nope! & he’s back & strong apparently. We keep bear spray by the door, so my plan is spray, call 911, & mutilate his junk.
— Sonya Yu (@sonyayu) November 27, 2012
Now that the trap is set up, time to take a break for some humdrum daytime activities:
Drafting my wedding vows & I can’t help but tear up. I am gonna be such a wreck when I read them aloud (& damn it, I am not a pretty crier).
— Sonya Yu (@sonyayu) November 27, 2012
But that didn't last for long:
I GOT HIM WITH THE BEAR SPRAY BUT HE ESCAPED.
— Sonya Yu (@sonyayu) November 27, 2012
I AM PUTTING HIM UNDER CITIZENS ARREST RIGHT NOW WITH 4 COPS.
— Sonya Yu (@sonyayu) November 27, 2012
She seriously must of fucked up his world, because…
HE IS BEIN TAKEN AWAY IN AN AMBULANCE CUZ OF THE BEAR SPRAY I DOUSED HIM WITH.
— Sonya Yu (@sonyayu) November 27, 2012
No pain, no gain:
I WAS ALSO HIT WITH BEAR SPRAY BLOW BACK, SO MY FACE IS BURNING BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD.
— Sonya Yu (@sonyayu) November 27, 2012
In related news, I hope none of you ever gets bear sprayed cuz even this back-spray BURNS.
— Sonya Yu (@sonyayu) November 27, 2012
And with a little aid from schadenfreude:
Tho imagining how bad he’s suffering (considering I emptied half a canister of bear spray onto him) makes me feel better.
— Sonya Yu (@sonyayu) November 27, 2012
Finally, for some home defense tips:
@nettatheninja hhahah cop asked me if I have a license for it - I told him it's sold on the shelves at REI. Very handy for home protection.
— Sonya Yu (@sonyayu) November 27, 2012
And scene:
UPDATE FROM SFPD: THEY'RE PUTTING THE CASE IN FRONT OF THE DA TMRW! They now have video, photos, previous police reports, & my statement.
— Sonya Yu (@sonyayu) November 28, 2012
Her entire play-by-play is practically a lifetime of Tweets, so do read them for additional gems. Unfortunately, she didn't end up mutilating his junk.