As the piss-drunk Jesus sitting next to me so dickishly exclaimed when I snapped this pic, “THAT'S THE WORST FUCKING MR. PICKLE'S I'VE EVER SEEN!”
… says a guy dressed in a toga and a shit-brown sash.
See, tackling a cylindrical Mission icon like Mr. Pickle is no fucking joke. You need two pepper-filled bandoliers, some way of mimicking his bloated, vinegar-riddled body without sacrificing mobility, and a hat the size of some small adults. Never mind figuring out a way to carry around delicious veggie Station 7 lathered in pesto without being accosted by every famished boy and girl in dire need of some hot sando action.
While all this truth was being broken down to shitty Jesus, Mr. Pickle remained cool and collected—staying above the fray, quietly guzzling bourbon while Jesus continued to hurl ineffectual insults. The tactic worked; eventually Jesus backed down and shifted his energy to molesting a bottle of zinfandel.
So next time Your Savior is tanked and talking trash, just ask yourself: What Would Mr. Pickle Do?
As many have noticed, someone awesome has been writing “Halloween” on the sides of utility boxes over the past month or so. And rightly so, Halloween is the best holiday and July is a perfectly acceptable time to start thinking about how to celebrate. But acknowledging the limitations of spraypaint, this writer has resorted to paper-based pagan propaganda. Nice in it's simplicity, although couldn't it be livened up a bit?
While on the subject of people in costume, be sure to check out Daniel Jarvis's slightly untimely video about this year's Halloween in SF. It's packed full of fun stuff like a human jellyfish (above), a lightsaber duel on Divis, zombies making out, a Teletubby that wants to poison you, and a shark that looks like she's sexually attracted to a parking meter. Check it:
Ever wanted to know what goes on at a Halloween party at a porn palace? Well, “a little bird” gave us the heads up that this video was shot this Halloween at Kink.com's fortress of dildos on Mission St. Perhaps if you're luck enough to be invited next year, you too can be penetrated by some guy that looks like Prince or blown while wearing a Nixon mask.
My favorite day in Dolores Park, ever. Went down dressed as Zombie Cold Beer! Cold Water!. For those of you not from San Francisco, “Cold Beer! Cold Water!” is a man who walks around Dolores Park with a cooler bag selling, well, yeah…. cans of PBR (sometimes Simple Times) and water. Here are some photos of him. And while he’s not wearing this outfit in any of those shots, I promise this is pretty damn close to what he wore most days this summer.
I can do a pretty good impression of his call, and he kind of sounds like a zombie anyway, so I went with it. I had my zombie walk on, and set out hollering… over and over and over… “Cold beer! Cold Water!” Some people had no idea what was going on, but most people recognized who I was supposed to be. And THREE different people mistook me for the man himself, all saying something like, “Oh, my god! He dressed up for Halloween!” One man was convinced I stole CBCW’s shirt. Ganja Treats took my photo! I sold twelve beers and four waters (though I gave away like half of them). But where was the OG CBCW?
I got up to leave after a couple hours, carrying my cooler, continuing the zombie walk and yelling his call, when suddenly, I heard him. He was only fifty feet or so away from me. “Cold Beer!” he yelled. “Cold Water!” I responded. People were cracking up, and one woman came running after me demanding I go after him and take a photo. I was on my way out though and having never talked to dude in my life didn’t know if he’d really appreciate my costume and I chickened out. Still, I had a blast.
Photos by Erin Steach.
Ever wanted to know what a Mission District Halloween looked like through the lens of a 7-year-old camera from Sears? You're in luck.
“Two Turntables and a Microphone” clearly took home the prize for “most culturally relevant costume.”
In an ocean of delusional people believing wearing a Giants jersey and a beard was a costume, one man knew how to not suck at Halloween.
Ordinarily a Jesus holding an 18 of Tecate is not noteworthy, but this cool kid was walking down Mission Street barefoot.
A giant burrito strapped to a messenger bag?
Best UPS driver costume I saw all night.
Lady Gaga riding a demon horse-bike.
FInally, I'll leave you with a snap of a horse making sweet, sweet love with a zombie. Time to start counting down the days to Santacon.