The belated Bay to Breakers missed connections…

I know B2B was, like, forever ago, but just look at this snap.  Bummer Bear innocently staring into the soul of a random SFPD officer demanding he moisten the ground with his beverage.  The officer playing coy; looking away from the tempting gaze of his newfound big brown animal lover.  At any second, the officer's billy club will be used for the most gratifying of unintended purposes.

What a moment.

[Photo via SeattlePI]

This year's Bay to Breakers is over, and while it was a hella good time like years past, the campaign against the event noticably took its toll:

Photo by Ben Thornton

Perhaps it was the weather forecast, perhaps it was AEG (the race promoter) telling us there would be “zero tolerance” for party-positive San Franciscans to enjoy the event, perhaps it was SFPD promising to bust heads, but the number of spectators was visibly down.  While some neighbors are certainly celebrating this as an achievement, it was just a predictable outcome based on years of negative press that is eroding away the character of the race.

It's funny, most of the San Francisco natives and Bay to Breakers haters I talk to admit to having never attended the race in any fashion.  Never ran it.  Never got drunk and walked it.  Never watched it from afar.  So why do they hate it?  How can they hate it?  Do they hate the idea of a footrace in which the majority of participants are in costume?  No. Do they hate drinking?  Certainly not.  From what I gather, people hate this event because they are told to hate it.  The media claims alcohol over-consumption is on the rise, but only offer up subjective analysis from 40-year-old NIMBY neighbors, never facts.  The promoters (and neighbors) cry about the 30 tons of trash left behind the 2010 edition of the race, yet the promoters don't line the streets with trashcans—a practice found at almost every other large event in the City.  We're told urination is a problem, bloggers find a few pics to illustrate the story, but once again, we're only given the perspective of a few neighbors, never facts (nevermind the fact the the media doesn't routinely feature pictures of the crackheads that pee of these very streets on a daily basis).

The press buys the lines given to them by AEG and a few neighbors without applying any sort of critical thinking to the issues.  Just yesterday, The Bay Citizen ran a hit piece about the event:

Along the upward incline of Hayes, multiple street parties ruled. DJs presided from stoops and second-floor windows while alcohol flowed freely, without much police enforcement.

There was also a sense, expressed even among some of the most party-hearty residents, that this was a San Francisco event that — like so many of the city's other street fairs — may have grown too popular for its own good, losing its local credibility in the process.

Matt [last name redacted], 17, and Sophia [last name redacted], 17, were among 12 seniors from Redwood High School in Larkspur who came into the city straight from their prom after-party Saturday night. They stopped to dance in front of a house party serving Jello shots on the 800 block of Hayes.

“This year is the best,” Matt said while he danced next to Sophia to Get Low, the 2003 hit by Lil Jon.

Were they concerned about police enforcing the alcohol ban?

“This year is the best because they have all these laws but everyone's been breaking the laws,” Matt said, before asking a reporter for Jello shots. (He had none.)

Nearby, Kayta George, a 51-year old native of the Fillmore district, stood on a stoop to sneer at the mass of sweaty, scantily-clad, barely post-adolescent bodies writhing below.

“This is the bridge-and-tunnel, under-18 crowd,” said George. “These are just teens in costumes. Where did all the San Franciscans go?”

Really?  Excusing the fact The Bay Citizen printed the full name of minors who are obviously breaking the law, they're using a single pair of idiots to paint the entire event as an out-of-control drunkfest fit for children.  Where did all the San Franciscans go?  The answer is obvious, they stayed home because of bullshit reporting making the event sound like unadulterated mayhem.  Not once did they quote people living along the route who look forward to the event every year (PROTIP: ask someone under the age of 35 in the newsroom for the name of a B2B neighbor who loves the event, odds are if they have more than 5 friends, they probably know one), never do they bother to get the perspective of older neighbors who love the event, never once do they bother to put the NIMBY bullshit in check.

We learned from the campaign for Sit-Lie that the unchecked rhetoric published by the press ended up harming Haight Street businesses.  Similarly, if the press keeps publishing bullshit about how a few minors and Marin residents crash the party and puke everywhere without explaining that they are in the very small minority of participants, why would people expect real racers and anyone but frat boys to show up?  The media is cooking up a controversy where there is none and giving a microphone to the poor souls who own property across from Alamo Square about the inconvenience of having to hose off their stoop once a year—a small price to pay for, arguably, living in one of the greatest cities in the world.  The upside is that reactionary columnists have something to fight for, the downside is that San Francisco is being stripped of one of its finest mornings.

The truth of the matter is that Bay to Breakers is one of the events that define San Francisco as the fun and creative city that it is.  Take away Bay to Breakers, BYO Big Wheel, Hunky Jesus, SantaCon, the street faires, and all other events of the like and this city instantly becomes a whole lot more boring.  Where did all the San Franciscans go?  We were up at 6:30am taking the 22 to Hayes St., drank a 12 pack of the cheapest generic beer on the shelf, waited in line for the portapotties with all the other San Franciscans, made a point of finding one of the six trashcans along the route to dispose of our trash, walked back to our house from Golden Gate Park, ate a few tacos, and fell asleep on our couch while watching Netflix.  C.W. Nevius calls it chaos and mayhem, I call it just another day in San Francisco.

As I paced around Civic Center searching for a place to discharge all the whiskey in my bladder, I overheard a Santa, clutching his treasured Bud Light Lime, joyfully exclaim, “This is the new Bay to Breakers.”

Perhaps this costumed connoisseur of fine beverages is onto something.  After all, B2B is once again under pressure to 'rein it in' and have vowed that there will be no alcohol at the 2011 race.  Maybe this is the new event in which the Mission, the Marina, and Livermore can come together for an afternoon of costumed intoxication?  The events certainly are becoming similar.  Let me submit the following into evidence:

THE ROUTE: Much like Bay to Breakers, Santacon follows an established route.  However, unlike the silly bastards that organize B2B, the anarchic masterminds behind Santarchy have split up the race to the bottom into three courses, thus reducing the chances that NIMBYs will get angry at the crowds by 66%.

BONUS: Santa has cemented itself as one of the San Francisco community events that have made some sort of public declaration that C.H.U.D.s live in the Marina/Japantown, thus earn the event “props” from the other 85% of the city.  Excellent PR move.

THE COSTUMES: Just as Bay to Breakers has moved beyond the simple running outfit, Santa no longer views the simple Santa suit as adequate.  As The Dude, caucasian in hand, and the costumed individuals photographed below show, Santacon is has transcended beyond the “Santa suit pub crawl” image to a full-on costumed adventure.

COSTUMES: Indiana Jones Santa demonstrates how the use of props can bring your Santacon experience to the next level.

COSTUMES: iPod Santa shows how vintage technology can make your tomfoolery culturally relevant.

COSTUMES: Chuck Taylor and PBR trucker hat Jesus speaks volumes.  For lazy Santas, merely wearing what you would ordinarily wear, only pantless and pulling a cross, will suffice.

THE FLOATS: Just like B2B, floats are only increasing in presence during Santacon.  Sure, the Oakland-SF Ferry might be more of a literal float than some Jersey Shore-themed travesty, but this year's Polk St. parade of flannel had some of those as well:

INTERESTED ON-LOOKERS: Just as B2B has necessitated a demand for stoop and rooftop parties along the route, Santacon has grown into such a spectacle that even crackheads don their Santa hats and peer out the windows of their SROs.

DISINTERESTED ON-LOOKERS: Much like B2B has a crowd of neighbors who roll their eyes at the antics going on around them, Molotov's had this dog who was contently sleeping as 50+ Santas guzzled shots and pints of PBR.

BADASS DUDES WITH AWESOME MUSTACHES THAT LOOK LIKE THEY KILL PEOPLE IN ROBERT RODRIGUEZ MOVIES: Word.

NO WHERE TO PEE: As Kasey Smith documented, Santa also has to pee on buildings.

RUNNING UPSTREAM: Similar to B2B's Salmon Run!, in which costumed salmon run the race backwards, the result of Santarchy 'going mainstream' was Bananarchy.  Bananarchy, as you might have guessed, involves a bunch of hooligans in banana costumes running the wrong way through a crowd of Santas yelling silly stuff like “BANANAS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!”

What's the verdict?  Compared to previous Santacons I've been to, the 2010 edition seemed to involve more brown bags from bodegas and walking from neighborhood to neighborhood than hanging out in bars.  Then again, that might be because of the nice weather and the fact that the recession has made us all more broke-ass.  Ultimately thought, it doesn't matter if Santacon has “replaced” B2B; this town will just take any excuse it can get to barf its way through the Western Addition.