"Animals in Peril"

I fucking love the nightly news.  First of all, they have nothing legitimate to report on so they have a 2:21 segment on an aggressive deer attacking some snowflake and her two dogs.  THEN THEY SEND A REPORTER TO COVER THE STORY LIVE ON LOCATION.  Then we find out the the deer kicked the women and “ripped her shirt off.”  I’m only 52 seconds into the video and I’ve already orgasmed.

Let me recap:

  1. Deer
  2. ass kicking
  3. topless milf

Thank you rabies. 

Bakesale for Gorillas & Other Baby Animals!

Since conflict of interest is already my middle name, I want to alert you all to an excellent bakesale happening this Saturday (TOMORROW) in front of Herbivore on Valencia from 11 am to 4 pm.  All the money goes to help save highly endangered mountain Gorillas in DR Congo’s Virunga National Forest and to Wildcare, an awesome wildlife hospital and education center in San Rafael. Seriously, if you find any injured animals in the bay area, take them to Wildcare unless you want them to be gassed or get subpar shitty care somewhere else.

ANYWAY, we’re gonna have all sorts of ridiculously delicious shit there, including mountains of cupcakes, chocolate covered caramels, and pickled cauliflower. Yep. See you sluts there!

Attention Tortured Artists: Moleskine Journals Will Give You Cancer and "Alternatively Gifted" Children!

I was shopping for a product that would make this girl I creep on “wicked impressed” with how deep and artistic I am, so naturally I turned to Moleskine journals.  Well, apparently if I eat my journal (no evidence!) or rub it against my junk I’ll get cancer and have two-headed sperm.  WHAT?  Also, since when do Moleskine nerds buy Sarah Palin books?  Did Barnes & Noble just associate “birth defects” to Sarah Palin?  Oh B&N…