Valenciughhhhhh

"Lazy is the New Cool," Says Forthcoming Hammock Cafe

No longer content with mere reclaimed wood adorning their cafes, hopeful Mission District coffee shop proprietors have been scouring the globe for new ways make their locations stand out. First, KitTea borrowed the idea of pairing tea with cats from Japan, creating America’s first-ever cat cafe. Now there’s Paresse Café, a hammock and “exotic fish tank table” cafe that’s slated to open this fall on “San Francisco’s historic Valencia Street.” 

Paresse Café’s overly optimistic $150,000 IndieGoGo campaign explains the absurdity:

Inspired by the fact that we all deserve a happy break from the work and the stress in our daily life but that we have no time nor tele-transportation power to go to Hawaii, we decided to bring an instant of holiday into the city.

Paresse Café will be the first ever Hammock Café in the USA and the first Café in the world where you can enjoy delicious and beautiful Art Food raw fruits and vegetables salads or cold pressed juice cocktails, while admiring happy & rescued colored fishes dancing.

They even created a helpful infographic to help us better understand their vision:

Paresse will also be offering 20 minute “seated massages,” monthly art exhibitions, and a daily 6-7pm “lazy hour” featuring live musicians, who will play for record sale proceeds and promotion on Paresse’s website “to help them get famous.”

Below, their crowdfunding promotional video:

[via SF Weekly]

Comments (21)

That video makes even less sense than The Room, and the crowdfunding page has a picture of a monkey giving a massage to a cat.  This is a little too weird even by my standards.

I am all for this, Valencia is the perfect street for it.  I can’t imagine I would frequent it particularly often, but I’ll be glad if its there and not some $500 a bag store or some such

If this doesn’t indicate imminent economic collapse, nothing does.

looks like an ad, sounds like an ad, smells like an ad

just sayin

Not an ad. Just no need to make fun of something that is an unintentional parody of everything Valencia has become.

unintentional?

I don’t know. I’ve been here for decades and hate everything from Ritual forward but I find this effort to be miles above even what was here in the 1990s. Even before the bad days began most cafes were boring. The premise of the cafe might be kind of ridulous but it still looks appealing. The happy Venn Diagram graphic actually started working on me before I clicked play. And the video made that Lobster comedy trouple look like amateurs. She holds her ground from start to finish.

Hey, what more do you want!

Cool another place for me to hang out.

Maybe they should re-open that oxygen bar on Valencia.  Remeber that dumb-ass fad?

Looks like a great place for the homeless to get some peaceful shuteye.

LOL! Thank you for this. First thing I thought of when I saw the hammocks.

We will all get exactly what we deserve. On Valencia, on Turk, on Palou, on Donner and Blitzen. People be squeezin they shitz in.

HOLK HOGAN HATES BURNERS EVEN MORE THAN HE HATES THE AYATOLLA, BROTHER!!!!!!!!  OOOH YEAH!

That’s kind of awesome.

Clearly, we must ban all attempts to open any business other than a dive bar in the Mission.

I always love businesses that relish in the idea that artists and musicians alike have nothing better to do than play your cafe for free and  ”to sell records” to people who are already just listening to their computer music anyways. 

also, what is art food? 

This might be a Japanese cafe idea, too? There’s a longstanding hammock cafe in Tokyo on the tourist circuit.

I think we’re in a bubble…

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