San Francisco’s premier boulevard of bullshit became stunningly more annoying this weekend as an individual attempted to segregate Valencia Street’s sidewalk with a “techie” side (a playground and Borderlands Books) and a “Real San Franciscans” side (the street where the caravan of Silicon Shuttles roll past).
Of course, the idea isn’t inherently terrible. Much like how the Golden Gate Bridge segregates their sidewalk between cyclists and child predators for the benefit of idiot tourists, Valencia really could use a baby stroller lane to keep all those double-wide monsters in line. Opportunity: missed. Now I’ll keep losing those valuable seconds stuck behind twittering child chauffeurs on my way to Four Barrel’s thousand hour line.
Anyway, this “techie”/”real” distinction falls apart further when considering this scene from the other day:
The Mission: where you double park your Ferrari so you can grab a $7 juice from a Michelin star restaurant pic.twitter.com/ja4K6JGvRa— Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) March 8, 2014
Range is safely in the “techie” side, but the Ferrari is double parked in the “Real San Franciscans” bike lane. Does this mean the person is a hybrid? Does he fall into a confusing void that we all pretend doesn’t exist? Is he just a special lil’ asshole? And why isn’t he driving a Telsa, anyway?
I’m analyzing this too much. I’ll be walking on whatever side doesn’t have strollers.