Feverish 2br Valencia Apartment Listing for a Gut-Churning $10,500/Month

“With the hottest micoclimate in San Francisco,” reads the latest vomit-inspiring apartment listing, “[the] Mission is caliente and this brand new boutique building at 19th + Valencia has only 3 rare rentals in the mix of 17 condominiums that were sold out for over $2.0 million per unit.”

That's right, chicos and chicas! Slap on your your favorite sombrero and shake your maracas over to 19th and Valencia, because the Mission is caliente.

Mild offensiveness aside, this listing transcends the bounds of absurdity and enters the realm of piggish extravagance.  Posted by Mark Venegas, a “Corporate Relocation Specialist for Employees Moving to San Francisco” for SF Dream Rental and Sales, the 1575 square foot apartments are listed for a modest $10,500 for a single month.  Those dollars buy you a lot: “billowing views,” “Italian-designed interiors,” close access to Tacolicious, and an optional “full concierge” package.  Plus, we're told by a neighbor that the building boasts private security guards to protect tenants from the local rabble.

But who could even afford such a thing?  We imagine that the average Joe Shuttlebus the realtor targets could never find a way to afford $126,000 in yearly rent.

We emailed Venegas over the weekend to get the story on this prized pad, and who owns these units and expects such a lavish monthly return.  We're yet to hear back.

Below, the original listing, which has been flagged off Craigslist:

Comments (35)

Something tells me this was a lampoon.

Whats it to you? Move on.

Well, that’s an interesting comment.
Seems like an, ummm, “remarkable” listing. Thus, the remarks.

Because everyone is hee-hawing how we need more affordable units to ease this housing crunch and this is what we get instead. It’s idiotic.

Well maybe if people wouldn’t poo-poo building larger multi-units which require that a certain percentage of units be BMR… That whole 1050 Valencia thing is so fucked.

Looks like the same thing is going to happen to 1601 Mariposa too!
http://growpotreroresponsibly.com
Awesome. Will they successfully kill another few dozen BMR units there, too?

NIMBYs,……

I whole-heartedly agree. I was merely replying to the person who inquired why anyone gives a shit.

Fucking lunacy.

I don’t always charge twice the going market rate for an apartment, but when I do, I get free publicity through angry blog posts.

Yeah. I’m sure the readership of this blog is just littered with the type of people that can afford $10.5k a month. *eye roll*

Taking the standard “rent should be no more than 35% of your income” and applying it here gives you a $360K/yr salary.

Hot damn, I wish my tech job paid that.

Absurd. An average engineer with some experience pulls around $150,000 most places — only the 1% of techies can afford this, but even the rich knows better than throw $100k a year out the window on fucking rent.

That’s what’s most ridiculous about this listing - anyone who could afford it could theoretically afford to buy a similarly sized 2br with a nicer view in the vicinity of Dolores Park as well.

The only thing I can think of is someone wanting to rent for a short period of time, while saving cash for a downpayment or waiting for the right house to hit the market. But at that price, you might as well stay in a hotel and enjoy the maid service too, jesus christ.

True dat. This is the same price as the monthly rent at the Ritz Carlton.

That’s exactly who they’re going for- some CxO level person’s temporary home while they buy and build out their real home.

Just checked the calendar. Nope, it’s not April Fools.

Absolutely beside myself right now.

“Modern with a European feel. Gorgeous!” Does that mean a peat bog? People tossing nightsoil from balconies? Depressed alcoholics? Hooligans? Skinheads? Hookers making obscene gestures at pedestrians?

I’m game if you are.

That sounds tremendous in all fairness.

And as usual, the cheerleaders for speculation wouldn’t even think that a BUST is coming. Maybe in a month. Maybe six months.It’s gonna happen, and it will be a depression, not a dip. Brokers and builders and their free market ‘build anything’ tools don’t even think that….it’s a bubble. Worldwide. And so all the tens of thousands of
people kicked out of the city in the past 10 years for ‘positive’ or ‘normal’ change and cleansing…didn’t make a dime off the bubble. And had to take their kids out of their schools, possibly lose jobs….and certainly lose any community ‘we’ can build. All for a bubble.
Yes change is so healthy. And just ‘normal’, you know. Like the irish just decided to move out and the latinos just decided to move in. No massive govt subsidization for white flight….no forced move out of all colors of working class. Fuck the facts. It’s just change.
and jeez, who would want the ‘mission’ of the 80’s??? Well I sure would.

People have been claiming the bubble would burst for decades. And it has – many times – yet the rents get higher just about every year.

Putting your fingers in your ears, closing your eyes, and pretending the problem will go away is how we got here in the first place. Continuing to do so will only make matters worse.

That’s not entirely true. In the early ’00s, I managed to negotiate my rent down 50% from when I moved in 2000. When I moved in, I was the only tenant that was legally live/work and for a while in ‘02 I was the only tenant in the building.

In 2011, I negotiated my rent down about 10%. It actually made sense in March of that year. About two months later, shit went crazy.

Yeah, I was able to get my rent lowered from $2100/month to $1200/month between 2001 and 2002. It happens.

Perhaps a bust is coming. But whenever people proudly state predictions of like this, I just think: if you have such extraordinary insight, why didn’t you have enough to see the boom coming and prepare for that as well?

Ask a realtor, and they’ll tell you it’s not the techies fueling this… it’s rich Chinese investors. They have to invest their money outside of China, and San Francisco is a very Chinese-friendly place. So they’re dumping their money into real estate here (as well as Vancouver BC and San Diego).

I’m most offended by his misspelling of the Roxie.

I’m thinking it has to be corporate housing right? I haven’t noticed any security guards and I live pretty close. There were guards there during construction which makes sense due to meth heads and looters and stuff.

Who can afford this? More people than you might guess.

Twitter’s 2013 IPO created about one thousand new young SF millionaires. Potential 2014 IPOs from Box.net, Dropbox, AirBnB, Square, Pinterest, et al. will mint thousands more SF millionaires this year, further increasing, indeed, accelerating competition for rentals and real estate.

Even rank-and-file Google employees are being pushed out of SF, cf. the new private Google Ferry from Alameda. http://blog.sfgate.com/inalameda/2014/02/03/google-testing-ferry-service…

Seems reasonable to me. As reasonable as tar & feathering a real estate agent.

That this turd thinks you need to write this way in order to move real estate in this market is proof that realtors are sleaze.

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