Gluttony and Childhood Nightmares at Butter

If you haven't read Jules Suzdaltsev's illustration of the “horrible childhood memories” the so-called food and beverages at Butter conjure up, get on it:

Mac 'n' Cheese + Latchkey Tea (Long Island Iced Tea and Strawberry Soda)

Mom and Dad are gone for the night, and you’ve masturbated so many times that nothing’s coming out anymore, so it’s off to the kitchen where Mom’s left half a pot of starchy macaroni topped with mild cheddar cheese sauce, bubbles of unmixed powder floating around. You consider spooning it into a bowl, but you don’t because you’re not a sociopath. On the way to the TV, you do a double-take as you pass Dad’s liquor locker. Ding, ding, ding—it’s slightly ajar. So it’s back to the kitchen so you can fill up your dinosaur mug with one of everything. Dad’s got vodka, rum, tequila, gin, and triple sec, but when you taste it, your testicles zip back up into your body, and you run right back to the kitchen to dilute your dirty Long Island iced tea with as much strawberry soda as you can find. Three hours later, Mom and Dad find you passed out, dino mug knocked over, and a half-eaten pot of mac 'n' cheese upside down over your genitals. They’ll never forgive you.

Read on to find out how this sad young man grows up (hint: not well).

Comments (2)

Wait what? People who eat at the foodie places are weirdo food hippies? I thought they were all couldn’t-give-a-fuck techies now.