The Ultimate Girl's Guide to Hyper-Local Hottie Heaven

Just in time for everyone's favorite holiday to pretend isn't happening, Refinery 29 published The Ultimate Girl's Guide On Where (& How) To Score a Date In S.F., a “genius guide to dating that will help you ladies navigate the single scene depending on the type of suitor that tickles your fancy.”

For example, want to date a techie? Try this red hot love strategy:

Apple Bus Stop, Guerrero Street at 24th Street; Google Bus Stop, 24th Street at Valencia Street; Facebook Bus Stop, 18th Street and Church Street.
Tip: 8 to 10 a.m. are peak hours. Ask him what he’s listening to on his headphones. Once you have his attention, give a flirty smile.

While the slideshow is quite comprehensive, you can't call this the “ultimate” guide without including my favorite lovelorn demographic—the hyper-local Mission blogger. But don't you worry, Refinery 29, I'll take it from here…

If You're Hot For: Hyper-local Mission Bloggers
Prefer your fellas opinionated, myopically obsessive, and marginally employed? Snag yourself a citizen journalist! These communicative cuties are constantly scouring the streets for the latest intel — so hit the pavement and start making some news!

They Said:
“Being miserably single is a prerequiste of being a local blogger, apparently.”
– Kevin Montgomery, has a respectable day job, lives in the Mission.

“I am dating you.”
– @fakeallanhough, parody Twitter account.

Where To Meet 'Em:
Dolores Park Works Public Meetings, Dolores Park Church, 455 Dolores St (between 17th and 18th Streets)
Tip: Stand up at any point during the meeting and shout “This is an outrage!” He'll need to ask you your name to quote you, right?

Clarion Alley, between Mission and Valencia Streets and 17th and 18th Streets
Tip: See that hoodied hottie taking iPhone photos of the latest defaced mural? Sidle on up and coo “sometimes I do think tags are art!”

Valencia Street Bike Lane, Valencia Street (between 16th and 24th Streets)
Tip: Is that a hyper-local coin slot up ahead? Dayum, girl, better pedal faster! At the next light flirtatiously plot the destruction of the next valet blocking the lane.

American Tripps, various locations
Warning: For Allan Hough fetishists only

Four Barrel Coffee, 375 Valencia Street (between 14th and 15th Streets); 415-252-0800.
Tip: I don't even know that any hyper-local Mission bloggers actually go here, but it was on every other slide in this article, so why the hell not.
(Bonus Tip for Bros: Dudes, there are going to be so many single ladies in line at 4B after that article goes viral. Yoooou're welcome.)

[photo credits l-r: quonky, eviloars, visivo]

Comments (13)

So, I take it this is only for girls who like guys? Way to marginalize our lesbian neighbors. I think it’s time to get the drum circle group back together(we disbanded after the coolness of the OWS thing wore off), and form a love-drum circle around Refinery 29………and ask them, “Why not all love? Why not now?”.

Sorry then Refinery 29, i’ll quietly go and put my bongo drums back up in my closet. And I thought I was finally going to get to wear that bitchin’ black bandana with the little tiny AK-47s on it………balderdash! :(

Because all techies are men.

what’s with the Trash Humpers dude in the black wig and green shirt?

Google Bus Stop will now be plagued with gold-diggers.

I’m thinking some local poetic nerdy hip-hopper will be making a parody of Kanye/Jamie Foxx’s ‘Gold Digger’ in 3………2……..after second thought they probably won’t, since it was just my lame ass who thought they would. Feel sorry for me, UA fam…….por favor? :(

Think about the strangeness of today’s situation. Thirty, forty years ago, we were still debating about what the future will be: communist, fascist, capitalist, whatever. Today, nobody even debates these issues. We all silently accept global capitalism is here to stay. On the other hand, we are obsessed with cosmic catastrophes: the whole life on earth disintegrating, because of some virus, because of an asteroid hitting the earth, and so on. So the paradox is, that it’s much easier to imagine the end of all life on earth than a much more modest radical change in capitalism.

That critique is surprising coming from a man who sold his likeness to ever conceivable product category in the 80’s.

“modest radical change”?

You can’t blog at 4B; they don’t have wifi!

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