Tree Swing Assassin Finds New Target

Back in January, this escaped nursing home patient cut down the beloved Valencia Street tree swing with a box cutter, only to call the cops on herself when an angry mob of joy defenders confronted her.  The situation was not resolved by sending her back to the bingo board, but rather SFPD let her free at the scene, citing an unfamiliarity with tree swing laws.

Now, nearly 8 months later, she's back on Valencia, brandishing her sharp knife and dull personality, cutting down fliers, scrapping stickers, and damaging government property.

The two hour rampage, in which she slowly made her way from 17th to 14th, reached a fever pitch when a bystander phoned up SFPD to have her hauled off.  However, the officer, not really sure what to make of the concerned citizen stand-off, briefly tried to get her to stop as she kept working the box cutter mere feet from the officer.  He then began lecturing her on what was okay to remove (graffiti) and not okay (city decals, signage posted by SFPD, pretty much everything) and I got outta there before shots were fired.

If anyone knows how to get a hold of her caretaker, please do.

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• This Deranged Sourpuss Cut Down Valencia's Beloved Tree Swing