Look, Mark. We get it. You are our generation's poster child for technological innovation and entrepreneurship. You are the CEO of a very powerful company that connects the world with their closest friends and boredest aunts. Justin Timberlake invented Napster for you. You are person of the year 2007-200FOREVER. And that's great! I'm proud to call myself one of your 500 zillion friends that you didn't get to without making a few enemies. 

But recently, Mark, you've been being kind of a dick. I was at the Phone Booth last night, a local cigar humidifier Italian wedding bar that you have been known to frequent be at one time, and while using the restroom, I found something you left behind. 

Ok? Man? Shuthefuckuperburg. It's very wonderful you that you are having your IPO and you are marrying beautiful Asian doctors. We should all be so lucky to have our IPO's and marry beautiful Asian doctors. It's wonderful to open the stock market in a sweatshirt like you just invented a more casual, chiller economy. But when you walk into the bathroom and tag your CEO status on a dive urinal, you are just being a major wang. We already KNOW that you were at the Phone Booth, we here at Uptown Almanac had a field day about it. Keeping that in mind, you need to learn how to be tactful of asserting your presence when you come to the Mission. At least other Bay Area CEOs have some panache. 

Well, maybe not.

Comments (11)

dunno man that looks pretty photoshopped to me

were you that goofball in the sparkly jacked that kept ditching the blonde to do coke in the bathroom?

your posts are getting soft.

That is a really old picture of Amensia.

Raindrops with aids on them > bartos posts

quit it, sam

quit posting

BTW GUYS- if you are unhappy with any of my GIF comment responses please air your grievances to Kevin Montgomery at kevin@uptownalmanac.com. THANKS FOR READING!

Wow, UA just hit an all time low.

Not funny.

Not edgy.

Just lame.

Next Eric will be blogging about how painting his fingernails black is coming back into style.

I’m disinclined to tell a blog how to do its job, but there seems to be a problem with “voice” on uptown almanac lately. When it’s Kevin posting about something related to SF culture or politics, I feel like there’s a sense of place. When its some buddy posting something like this, it’s jarring. And responding to every critical comment (however unkind) makes this more like a 19 year old’s tumblr.

Kevin, take back uptown almanac! You’ll never beat Campos with a creaky platform.

Come on, guys. It’s fun to laugh sometimes, I promise. Sam - thanks for the mid-day giggles, my coffee is just not strong enough today.

We thought this was Sam’s tag, C.E.O =Crappy (at) Entertaining Others