Epic Beard Man: The Movie

Remember Epic Beard Man? Something like 20 internet years ago, some old dude in an I AM A MOTHERFUCKER t-shirt manhandled a guy on AC Transit and the internet blew the most epic load over its collective keyboard.

Well, the bloodthirsty vampires of Hollywood caught the scent of money in the wind and are turning the Best Thing Ever to Happen to AC Transit into a movie… starring Danny Trejo(???).  Just read the official plot synopsis for “Bad Ass”:

Decorated Vietnam hero Frank Vega returns home only to get shunned by society leaving him without a job or his high school sweetheart. It’s not until forty years later when an incident on a commuter bus (where he protects an elderly black man from a pair of skin heads) makes him a local hero where he’s suddenly celebrated once again. But his good fortune suddenly turns for the worse when his best friend Klondike is murdered and the police aren’t doing anything about it.

And the trailer:

I have a bunch of questions about this. Did they think calling the movie “Bad Ass” would be somehow better than just calling it “I AM A MOTHERFUCKER”? Did they change history so a white man is protecting an elderly black man instead of brutalizing him to keep the /b/tards from totally nutting all over this? Did they pay the original Epic Beard Man, who's now homeless, a dime of royalties for the movie rights? And most importantly, do I even care?

Anyway, the film has no release date and co-stars what's-his-face from Sons of Anarchy, so yeah, this will probably rule.

Comments (7)

And who will play Amber Lamps?

Interesting race substitution they did there…

Wait, does it take place in LA instead of Oakland? Lame.

oh get the fuck out. if you’d TOLD me this I’d be all “omg an onion joke” but it’s FUCKING FOR REALS and wow hollywood has no ideas.

BAD ASS!

“Did they change history so a white man is protecting an elderly black man instead of brutalizing him to keep the /b/tards from totally nutting all over this?”

If anything, that change would piss off the racists of 4chan.

I just remembered something – the SF Weekly story specifically mentions that “Epic Beard Man” sold the movie rights:

“…a producer and a writer from Los Angeles… arrived at the Altenheim to sign Bruso to a $6,000 contract for exclusive rights to his life story, guaranteeing him 10 percent of the profits from any future production.”

Source is here

So maybe he did get paid for this?

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