— By Kevin Montgomery (@kevinmonty) |
I found myself standing on the corner of 22nd and Valencia early on Saturday morning. It was 7:30am and I was staring at the bright blue sky wondering what I ever did to deserve the torture of being up that early. Suddenly, a hideously light blue BMW convertible [not pictured] pulled up next to me, breaking my meditative self-loathing.
A short, skinny bald man wearing a bluetooth emerged from behind the vehicle's tinted windows. He was not bald in a menacing, skin-head way, but bald in the “I have nothing to show for my life other than my money” sort of way. He leaned out the window and yelled in my general direction, “Excuse me, is there a Starbucks or any good coffee around here?”
Startled by the question, I figured I was being trolled by a friend and, in my head, quickly ran through everyone I knew and tried to recall if any of them recently aged 10 years and came into a lot of money. Nope, this man was actually asking if there was any good coffee around the Mission. I let out a quick laugh, suggesting he was a fucking moron, pointed towards 16th and replied, “You should be able to find something in your price range along Valencia.” With that, he thanked me and drove off.
For the following hour, I kept going over this troubling interaction in my head, which was a subject much more enjoyable to ponder than my insomnia. In the four years I have spent in this town, I have been asked all sorts of things: “Where are the great murals around here?” “Where would you recommend I go for a burrito?” “What's the cheapest beer around?” But never once “is there a Starbucks or any good coffee around here?” He didn't even ask “where's good coffee around here?” he specifically said “is there [..] any good coffee around here?,” suggesting the neighborhood might not even have a decent cup of joe for him to waste his money on.
I consulted my friend from Seattle on the matter and he blurted out one of his favorite sayings: “When it comes to coffee, San Francisco will always be Seattle's little retarded brother.” Typically I'd tell someone denigrating the great city of San Francisco to eat a big bag of dicks, but maybe he has a point. San Franciscans love to rep the city's coffee culture, but we don't even register on other people's radar.
Comments (12)
SF exports coffee around the country. You can find Four Barrel, Ritual, and Blue Bottle in NYC, for example.
But as for someone who equates “Starbucks” with “good coffee,” you should probably have just given him directions to the mall where he can buy all the expensive but corporate approved sub-par products he desires.
You really read a lot into this huh? The guy was probably from out of town and didn’t know where to find a coffee shop. No need to be an asshole.
…and as he sped-off to enjoy his life, he continued to not give the slightest fuck what some snarky little blogger thought about him.
I just don’t like starbucks coffee. It tastes burned.
REFERRING TO THE PHOTO–any good car aficionado knows lambo’s are just Italian trash and a 150k car is far from impressive. FERRARI, enough said.
This sounds like a livejournal post of someone who’s threatened by bald men in sports cars
coffee culture is fucking retarded
linguistics are your friend. this guy clearly made the distinction between “Starbucks” and “good coffee.”
“Is there a Starbucks(santorum in a cup) OR any good coffee around here?”
he was probably testing you and his entire outfit/haircut was a ruse
I liked this piece. Because it turned an ordinary slice of life into something worthy of reading. And thought it was good writing for someone who drinks that much.
this reminds me of the time a tourist couple asked where they could find a good Chinese restaurant – while standing on Stockton and Jackson. Apparently, they were afraid to trust their own instincts, given the “weirdness” and variety of choices.
I totally get where you’re coming from, though at least he left the question open-ended “Starbucks…or anything good around here?” Or at least that’s the positive spin I’d like to take on it. Though I’d probably react a little like you.
I think part of why we don’t register as having “coffee culture” is because a lot of it is sort of fairly new. I moved here from Seattle 7 years ago and remember thinking that I while I knew food culture was good here, that I might have to suffer through bad or just passable coffee. At that time Ritual was just getting started (or maybe didn’t exist? I can’t remember), Blue Bottle came around about 5 years ago and everything else (Four Barrel, etc.) are what, less than 2 years old? I guess that’s not new, but Starbucks and the whole Seattle coffee culture thing is working on many decades of existence.
Come on, the best coffee place in the Mission is practically a carbon copy of Stumptown Grinders. Give PDX and Seattle props for doing it first… We did a great job of exporting Ritual and Blue Bottle and 4 Barrel nationwide, but those brands aren’t specifically associated with the Mission in most peoples minds.