What has become of our society?  Men with autoerotic addictions are cast to the gutter, forced to collect discarded hipster Viagra bottles to fuel their addictions.  We have a five-star cat hotel that sits next to homeless encampments.  The unemployment rate continues to rise while politicians grappling economic issues are banned from funerals.  The American income gap widens as more trendy restaurants open their doors on streets lined with people eating out of trash cans.  The city cuts park services while it gives tax breaks to billion dollar startups.  Politicians and greedy CEOs are literally choking the poor.

Anyway, gotta go, Mr. Willikers is ringing his bell again. Foot rub time.