Banished from the playground by mothers and nannies concerned with the two inches of stagnant water beneath the jungle gym, children were forced to explore primitive forms of recreation and merriment, including:

1) Kick the San Pellegrino can.

2) Feed the pigeons organic cheesy puffs.

I cannot help but observe these children and question the adventurous spirit of today's youth.  When I was a youngin', I'd trek down to the river with my cousins, have ourselves a dip in the 40-degree waters of the Westfield River, and play a joyous game of sheep liver tossabout.  Once we finished washing our clothes for the first time in three-and-a-half months in the river thawed, we'd put on the sneakers our older siblings wore before us and have us a romp in the pig corral.  Later in the evening, we'd question our parents as to what the correlation between diving head-first into the pig's mud pit and not being able to keep our salisbury steak down was.

But these children, shielded from the dangers of mud, Pepsi, and Kraft food; how will they ever be able to see past life's hardships and lead the next generation of internet startups?