— By Zach Perkins |
This artist's rendering is 99.9% accurate. You would have to be a Michael Cera sized pussy to agree to be this pair's man-boy butler.
This Craigslist ad calls for a single, non-sexually active, financially well-off male to provide two fist pumping Marina girls with alcohol, carry them home while drunk, and cook for them. It's also another interesting example of Marina kids choosing to involve grammar/spelling in their roommate choices.
No deposit? Carnivorous, alcoholic, busty nudist rommates? An LMFAO reference?
'Definitley' interested.
Looking for young professional GUY roommate in 3 bedroom 2 bath apt.Room is master with bath included. $1,100 per month.Who we are:24 & 25 year old femalesPetite brunettes with a whole lotta boob.We share a bathroom, and sometimes showerMust be okay with female nudityWork in SFWe like shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots… and meatWho YOU are:27-30ish year old maleNon-rapist, non-creeper, non-short, non pet owner, non ugly, non smoker, non druggie (this includes weed at home), non slut (girlfriend welcome, slut parade not welcome)Over 6’ tallNot the tallest of your friendsActive and probably strong enough to carry us both home at the same time at 2am (think bis and tris like the Hulk, a smile like Cristiano Ronaldo)A college graduateEMPLOYED (9-5 regular job, no moonlighting)Able to spell the word “definitely”Like buying us alcohol and getting us drunkAn overall real good timeRoommate Questions:1) Word association:G2) Fill in the blank___HOT*___ Carl [*editor's note]3) Multiple choice:-Music-Dancing-Dancing to music4) True or False, you know how to cook without using the microwave:5) You will fill our DVR with:a. Sportsb. Whale Warsc. Jersey Shored. Porn6) Do you listen to nature noises at night?***SEND picture with response (we ARE using the checklist above)***All submissions will be considered***
Comments (5)
Infuriating hypocrisy! These girls are proud to be drunky sluts, but smoking weed in your own home makes you a druggie? Not to mention all the don’t be too short or too tall, etc. I want to kick them both in the head. SO FUCKING GLAD that I don’t live in the Marina anymore. Wretched.
P.S. “Petite brunettes with a whole lotta boob” = we are short and chubby but our slutty clothes are intended to trick you into agreeing that we are entitled to live with our fantasy Adonis.
And the HILARIOUS Marina Roomate Ads continue. The Facebook one was a winner! This one not so much and Ronaldo’s smile is the worst part about him.
Too bad Ted Bundy isn’t available.
I would bet good money that this ad was written by someone who lives in the Mission, and I’m pretty sure I know who it.is.
i had the same thought. let me know if you figure it out, i’d like to shake their hand.