Muni Diaries is one of my favorite blogs because it’s an ‘internet bulletin board’, photo blog, activist network, and Ku Klux Klan rally all rolled into one nice little Powered by Laughing Squid package.  But here’s the thing: the contributors need help sucking.  For example, one post kicked off like so:

“I’m not a great writer, but I’ll do my best to describe my ride Tuesday morning, and maybe you’ll see what I mean.”  (link)

Okay, I’m also not a great writer.  Being a bad writer makes life hard.  I feel your pain.  But there is a few ways to make the banalities you typed on your semen-encrusted keyboard better.

1) Own it.
Do your best to make fun of your bad hair and handwriting as much as possible because, hey, if you cannot laugh at your inadequacies, you might as well be an alcoholic. That said, why the fuck would you say “I’m not a great writer but I’m going to do my best.” No, bad writers never do their best, they just post pictures of graffiti and drink alone in their apartment. If your post isn’t as amateur hour as fucking possible, you’ll look like you’re trying to be a good writer and that’s when ‘teh suck’ hits warp-speed.

2) Never Have Sex.
Going ‘balls deep in dat tramp’ leads to self-confidence, and we can’t be having any of that.

3) One More Drink.
All the best decisions are made while drunk.  Like hitting that “publish” button.  For example, I woke up this morning, saw that it might rain, poured myself a pint of Captain Morgan and mixed it with a thimble of Coke, and now I have gift of bad grammar and long-winded sentences running through my bloodstream.  Trust us, booze powers 75% of the blog entries on this site.  ‘shits like meth for bloggers.

4) Don’t Live in the Outer Sunset.
It takes 60 minutes for your post to arrive via horse and buggy to the masses downtown.  People need to be instantly aware of your latest suck.

5) Don’t Have a Number 5.
A good writer would be witty enough to come up with 5 good ideas.  You’re a bad writer.  Don’t stretch it.