I don't think before I type's Posts
Ever since we brought you breaking coverage of the boar head theft at Four Barrel back in April, we've been carefully monitoring the situation for new developments. After all, with only three boars, shouldn't the place change their name to Three Boar-el? No? What, that was a good pun. Stop hitting me.
As of this week the cafe's gallery was refreshed with new work by Aaron Rodriguez. With the new art, the dotted line where the boar head once stood is no longer empty -- it's now filled with a whimsical collage.
This, folks, means there is hope. If an artist can use that space, who's to say their art itself cannot be an actual boar head mounted on a wooden shield? The act of artistic re-boarment would not only restore Four Barrel's rightful fourth boar, but would also make the artist a hero to coffee nerds who make snarky comments about their shitty iPhone photos in local blogs.
Get on it, artists. We're counting on you.
Previously on Uptown Almanac
Today a co-worker handed me a poster he discovered in the lobby of a local ping pong/art venue:
This poster raises a number of concerning questions, such as:
I'm can't help but to think this is all a front for some new age cult who needs virgins to "sacrifice" in a drug fuelled psycho-sexual ritual. But then again, I've read too many Robert Anton Wilson books.
In all seriousness, what does shamanism have to do with improv? Does one risk ridicule by using Reddit comments as endorsements? And don't performers normally, you know, get paid? Perhaps these questions will be answered if you attend the show, assuming said show exists.
But the most troubling aspect of this poster is meta-contextual: has my approach to dating up until this point been completely wrong? Should I be printing flyers asking women to show up my house naked for an "improv performance"? Part of me is tempted to cross out the guy's name and number and scratch in my own, then put the poster back and see what happens.
That's the kind of "Risk for Deep Love" I'm willing to take.
Muni is the one local institution that all San Francicans love to hate. Frankly that hate is rarely justified; most of the time Muni gets you where you're going in one piece for a mere two bucks. But every now and then, things do go very, very wrong on Muni. Hour-long delays, collisions, drivers asleep at the wheel, unruly passengers... I could go on and on. Believe me.
YouTuber PaperModelPlane sums up some of the many ways Muni has failed recently. His video is backed by a fun-yet-quirky Werner Tautz soundtrack that adds a touch of Johnny Depp-style zaniness to Muni's worst moments. (I kept expecting a Bob Saget voiceover.)
The video provides some cathartic humor to some frustrating memories. Remember the time those two Muni Metro cars collided at West Portal? Or when that bus chopped down out a fire hydrant? Or any of the recent times Muni derailed a train? There's no question these types of accidents have been too frequent.
But is the video unfair, or is this all par for the course? As one YouTube commenter succinctly put it, "Anything looks bad when you compile all the horrible mistakes it makes on a daily basis."
We’ve all heard the news by now: the new folks behind the SF Examiner have now taken over the SF Bay Guardian as well. What does this mean for the two newspapers? It’s all speculation at this point, but my crystal ball predicts a merger between the two.
Here’s what I predict we can expect from the combined paper, the San Francisco Examinerdian:
Any other predictions how the Examiner/Bay Guardian deal will work out? Speculate away.
Previously on Uptown Almanac
Tyler, a broke-ass SFSU student, is currently in Spain and running out of funds. His next stop is Poland, and he's going to be stuck there without some financial assistance.
In short, Tyler needs cash to continue his trek through Europe. And he's asking you, dear reader, for help.
But he's willing to do a lot in return for your help: he'll get the tattoo of your choice, cut his hair however you like, or even write a song or story just for you. How cool is that?
This video explains the details.
I conducted an e-mail interview with Tyler to get answers to some nagging questions.
Why are you going to Poland, and through Europe?
RyanAir (slightly questionable Euro budget airline) has cheap flights throughout the continent. I wanted to get to Berlin to see a friend, or Switzerland, and...they were out of my budget. Poland was the cheapest, so I figured I could fly there instead and hitchhike my way back, or something.
Why did you start out without enough cash to get back?
After a year of hard studying here, I wanted my last month to be spent putzing around the continent and having a good time. The no cash thing was sort of a personal limitation I set for myself--I've CouchSurfed and dumpster dived enough to know that travel's not really expensive, but I really am scraping my pennies on this one. Still, that's not stopping me!
Is this all some viral marketing thing?
Meh, not really. I am a writer, folk singer, rapper, etc, but the goal is really to get across the continent, not to promote any of my art (though if anyone sees my other videos and downloads my free CD, guess I'm not complaining!).
How much success have you had raising funds thus far? What have you sold?
The donations are goin' alright! Just sold a romantic Skype date to this girl Rachel Zevita who almost won American Idol! Besides that, I'll be snapping a handful of pictures, writing limericks, doing one freestyle rap on public transit, writing a song. Oh yeah, and going naked for an hour! Ass tattoos still available...
Your hair seems awfully short. If I paid you to get a rainbow mohawk, how long would that take?
What's a rainbow mohawk? If that's about dyeing my hair, I'd do it if the cost of dye got covered! (Though I do have a song on my CD about how I found Poland to be homophobic, so...maybe the rainbow wouldn't fly there, haha!) I am willing to do stupid things like chopping off the middle so I look like an old man with a bald spot...
If you'd like to help out, there's more details on his website.
This unsual piece was added to the side of K&H Liquors on the wall next to Arinell Pizza. Perhaps it's an homage to the Nic Cage "your argument is invalid" meme, but taken to the extreme with the hairbird consisting of the woman's clothes as well. Or perhaps it's a representation of the spirit who stole the ATM that was once at this very spot on the wall. No one will ever know.
You're being watched! This creepy wheatpaste (creepaste?) was spotted at Townsend and 8th.
George Washington must have made a lousy husband! But seriously; this was spotted at Stonestown, and the folks from nearby SF State with their liberal history classes know better than to believe such childish legends about the founding fathers. Washington was a politician, and telling the truth is one thing politicians aren't known for. No, if Washington said your butt looked big, it's probably because he'd spent all day powderig his wig so he could look nice and the LEAST you could do was find some pants that didn't look awful on you, or maybe, you know, bother going to the gym once and a while. Gosh.
Spotted by Gatita at the Stonestown Muni Metro platform.
While silver-haired Wikileaks editor and James Bond villian standin Julian Assange remains a polarizing figure in both global and domestic politics, the era of the "Arab Spring" has cast Mr. Assange's beliefs in openness at all costs in a more generous light. That isn't to say he's without detractors; one of which is this sign on 16th St., which calls for an end to Julian Assange.
Personally, I don't condone violenent rhetoric, and would like to call on The City and County of San Francisco to please remove this sign and replace it with a gentler message.