I don't think before I type's Posts

Good thing someone put that there because I really had to go and was all freaked out that I might have to walk 2 additional blocks to my house.
Previously on Uptown Almanac

I know I've sung praises of Justin Hager's work in the past, but his latest round of pop pun sketches have been the best thing on my Instagram feed for the last week or so. And if you demand a real world inspection of his talents, you can catch the tail-end of his show at Benny Gold this weekend.
Previously on Uptown Almanac

Michael Morgan's "Sketchball" comic is only a few games into the A's season, but the results thus far as been promising. Here's what he had to say about the portrait above:
If there is one thing that fans on both sides of the Bay can agree on, it’s that Crazy Legs Howard is the best concessioner in the world!
No doubt. (And if you haven't seen Crazy Legs dance at a Giants/A's/SF Bulls game before, behold the glory of a 69-year-old rad dude working the crowd:)

In "17 Reasons Why You Should Never Trust An Anarchist" news, we feel obligated to post an update and partial retraction of our previous story on the 17 Reasons Building.
A few days after we published, an artist in the building sent us this note:
I have a studio in the building above thrift town...
the building did sell. they did change the locks, though most everyone got new keys. the people circulating that letter were living in the space as well...which is against the lease, and I believe that is why they are being evicted. I don't have any info on what the future will bring but just giving you some more info...
This, of course, directly contradicts the story we were told by other tenants, never mind the fairly incendiary tone of the letter anonymously circulated around the neighborhood. Fortunately, the building's new owner wrote to us today to clear up the situation:
Open letter to the Mission and San Francisco from the owner of 2102 Mission Street
Neighbors:
I’m Rick Holman. I am a fifth-generation San Franciscan and I have recently purchased the Redlick Building at 2101-2125 Mission Street (you may know it as the 17 Reasons Building.). We’re pleased to own this well-known San Francisco building. We plan to maintain it as it is: bustling with unique, San Francisco and Mission-oriented businesses. However, I’ve been distressed by some rumors that are being spread. I’d like to set the record straight.
We have no intention to tear down the building, convert the building to lofts or condos, or otherwise change its fundamental character or use. Some have pointed to the soils testing currently underway as evidence that we’re about to convert the building to condos. The soil is being tested to better understand the Building’s significant seismic issues. We intend to address the issues once we fully understand them. We want the tenants and visitors to be safe when they’re in the Building. Also, there is no intention to build an underground parking structure. The Building sits on Mission Creek, making the construction of an underground parking garage at the site nearly impossible.
Let’s be clear: we didn’t buy the Redlick Building to leave it completely alone – that would be a disservice to our tenants. We are making positive changes. The Building was porous; there were many ways for unwelcome visitors to get inside. Locks and doors didn’t close correctly, and the parking lot gate was broken and would not close. So the faulty door has been fixed. The numerous broken locks have been replaced with locks that are the same as the ones on the Mission Street doors. We have distributed more than 70 new keys to our tenants, free of charge. The Building now has security personnel in the Building to discourage the unwelcome visitors. We’ve replaced over 100 burned-out lights in stairwells and hallways, cleaned the storefront windows and cleaned out drains. We have started the process of investing a significant amount of money in improving the Building elevators and HVAC system – money we want to spend to make this Building better.
We have heard we replaced the management of the Building. T and Aldo are still here, and Julio has joined the management crew. I am also here almost every day. There are now twice as many people in the Building to assist the tenants combining the old with new energy.
There are rumors that we are planning to evict all of our tenants. This is completely untrue. Let’s be clear: I have indeed initiated one eviction, for a group of people illegally occupying one of the units. (This is the first eviction process I have ever engaged in, by the way.) But we are already in conversation or negotiation with many of the other tenants regarding the extension of their leases and tenancies. The ground floor retail tenants, Thrift Town, Fabric Outlet and A&A Bargains, are important Mission District businesses. We hope that they remain tenants here for many years to come.
I regret that some have chosen to spread unfounded rumors about the future of the Redlick Building. However, we’re confident that the changes we’re making will provide a better, safer, and more positive experience for our tenants and visitors.
Thank you for taking the time to read this note.
Rick Holman
Mission Street SF LLC
So there it is, a ITW is being evicted for living in their office some nebulous, undisclosed reason, and the building isn't going to be razed as they claimed. Good news all around!
(And, for what it's worth, I apologize for taking them seriously. I had felt the letter was very drastic and paranoid sounding, but the tenant I spoke to the longest seemed very calm, collected, and honest. Despite my attempts to reach out to other organizations in the building to verify the claims, I failed to successful reach anyone and decided to publish the story anyway. That was a mistake, which I regret. I will do better next time.)
Previously on Uptown Almanac

An anonymous Apple employee just sent us this internal advisory, asking:
Do you know anything about this? Is it protestors in general, or I wonder if it's anti-yuppie protest shit?
Via Twitter, it appears to be an immigrant rights protest:

Clearly, Apple is concerned about a repeat of last year's May Day chaos, or maybe protestors hitting the buses with bats in hopes of finding Skittles.
Previously on Uptown Almanac

Polaroid SF has finally turned out their beloved city streets double exposure series into poster. Here're all the details:
Did you guys know we have a poster? Our ‘Instant Streets’ series captures San Francisco’s most iconic streets and neighborhoods in glorious double exposure Polaroids. We collected 24 of our best and put them on this handsome poster. Want one of your own? We have them for sale in our Etsy shop. And for the rest of the week we’re offering free standard shipping in the US. Thanks for looking!

Emily Heller has always been one of our favorite Bay Area comedians, but last year she moved to New York for the usual "bigger and better things" routine. The move led to starting a very funny podcast, getting a gig as the warm-up comic for W. Kamau Bell's show, just to name a few. And last month, it all paid off with a killer set on Conan.
Behold:
If that leaves you craving more, Emily will be at the Punchline for the rest of the week.
[via Emily Heller]




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