I don't think before I type's Comments

So for background, there's some tech company that has their office across the hall from mine and a couple of months ago they doubled their staff of engineers. I've been noticing some disturbing trends, mostly related to the only places I interact with them--the hallways and bathroom. I'll note that we did not have any of these issues until this company scaled up their engineering team.

1. The barefoot dude who is barefoot in the bathroom all the time. 
   Now I understand the urge to relax and take your shoes off at work, I really do.  I would never do it because I'm not disgusting, but I do understand the urge.  However, bathrooms are gross.  People pee and poop in there--not hygienic. This guy (all of these incidents are perpetrated by dudes, obv) literally comes into the bathroom, going about his business, in his bare feet.  What. The. Fuck.  I have to wonder, is this something he is open about and has a philosophical stance on like "Humans weren't meant to wear shoes!  Monkeys don't wear shoes and I'm no better than that, so I don't wear shoes either!"  Or is it his shameful secret that he only indulges in at work because all of his co-workers are also super grody and won't bat an eye?  Does his doctor keep getting conflicting excuses as to why he keeps coming in with cases of hookworm?
   
   So many questions, so few answers.
    
2. The "I'm too busy to wash my hands" guy.
   This fucking guy.  Never washes his hands, and is super blatant about how gross he is. He just walks in, drops the kids off at the pool, and then wanders out without a care in the world.  We've started putting signs up saying "employees must wash hands." The signs aren't working.
    
3. The crumbs in the hallway.
   How can there be this many damn crumbs in the hallway?  It looks like a construction site or a wood-working shop... but with like... crumbs instead of sawdust?  Are there ducks in the office you are trying to feed?  Because I haven't seen any ducks around here.  I think you are just walking around with your sandwiches being super gross eaters.  The ducks down at the park may approve of this behavior but I am not a duck, and I hate you.
    
4. The toothbrush incident.
   You're a grown-ass man working at a fancy tech company. You probably have a bathroom at home with a mirror and everything. You're really bringing your toothbrush and toothpaste to work like it's some kind of middle school campout? No. No no no. It's gross, and you are gross. You are gross every day, because I see you doing this every day.
    
5. The toilet situation.
   The state of our toilets is shameful.  I should have known what was coming because a month after all these gross nerds moved in, there were signs on every toilet stall stating clearly that "Due to popular demand, the toilets will be replaced with high capacity versions."  Let me break that down for you:
   
   a) "Due to popular demand" - many people have asked for this thing to happen.
   b) "High capacity" - mega gross nerd shits.
   
   Even with our new super-shitters, the nerds next door keep breaking them with their uber-turds, and leaving celebratory piles of TP, bowl protectors, paper hand towels, and napkins (????) strewn about.  Fucking awesome.

I hope we've all learned an important lesson from this: nerds are horrible and gross, and all stereotypes are 100% correct.

With Adobe Books packing up their 25-year-old 16th Street location, evicted financially by their landlord on behalf of Liz Claiborne's Jack Spade label, the Valencia Corridor Merchants Association is petitioning to keep the luxury men's store from moving into the location.

The organization is hoping to repeat the success of their outreach campaign against American Apparel, which successfully swayed the clothing manufacturer from opening on Valencia in 2009.

"American Apparel made the decision to abort their efforts to open up a retail store in the corridor [in response to community backlash]," Jefferson McCarley of Mission Bicycle told us. "We are hoping that when Jack Spade sees how strongly the community feels about this, they will also decide not to pursue this location here."

Jack Spade's lease of 3166 16th Street reportedly begins on June 15th, but their opening date remains shrouded in secrecy.  As their move-in looms, the VCMA feels they have exhausted all other means to sway Jack Spade.  The company has refused to engage the local business community, declining through a media spokesman to meet with the organization and discuss alternative locations in the city.  Neighborhood Supervisors Wiener and Campos remain ambivalent towards the the store, and the Planning Department will not host a public meeting on the company, as it ruled the company does not meet the city's "formula retail" definition on a technicality that only 10 of their 13 locations are in the United States.

As Eileen Hassi of Ritual Roasters tells us:

Jack Spade is clearly formula retail by the SF Planning Department's definition, but unfortunately the way the law is written, it's not until AFTER the 11th [U.S.] location that a business is required to have a public hearing.  Without a public hearing, we have to find other means of getting the public's opinion and sharing it with the business and the Planning Department.  What better way than a petition?  It will show that it's a diverse cross-section of the population of the Mission, and of San Francisco, that is opposed to Jack Spade opening on the Valencia Corridor.

She adds:

I'm a fan of the [Planning Department's] hearing process.  I think it works.  I'm happy to say it worked with American Apparel, it worked with the Starbucks that just tried to go in to the Castro, on Market at Sanchez.  It's frustrating that Liz Claiborne/Jack Spade has figured out how to game the process.  It's no accident that this is their 11th US location.  I think the very fact that this multinational corporation figured out the loophole and exploited it should be a very clear message to the Planning Department that the ambiguity of the law should be corrected.

Many have received that message.  Following GANT's controversial opening in Hayes Valley, Supervisor London Breed proposed legislation that would count all worldwide locations when considering a chain's formula retail status.  However, that legislation only applies to Hayes Valley and would not affect Jack Spade.

Supervisor Scott Wiener, whose district includes the planned Jack Spade location, instead favors relaxing formula retail restrictions for the Mission District. Andres Power, legislative aide to the supervisor, has told VCMA members that Wiener would like to increase the allowable number of U.S. locations a store may have to 20.

Dema Grim from DEMA tells us that over 30 stores in the neighborhood are hanging posters promoting the petition in their windows.  At least 20 with host the petition on their sales counter.

The only public supporter the Liz Claiborne subsidiary has found is Phil Lesser of the Mission Merchants Association; however, Spade allegedly had to pay Lesser a hefty sum as a "permit expediter" to get his "blessing."  The Mission Merchants Association is yet to take a position on the company, but their president, Casanova owner Don Alan, has reportedly told Jack Spade that "they would be unwelcome on the Valencia corridor" and "strongly suggested they look for alternate locations" in the city.

With so few legal options available to the VCMA, they hope that public opinion will convince Jack Spade to explore more commercial locations.

"I don't oppose Jack Spade," Haley Lynn, manager of Five & Diamond, conceded. "I just oppose them moving into the Valencia Corridor."

"The best part of San Francisco is all the different feelings in each neighborhood. Each neighborhood really identifies with a certain culture. That atmosphere is created by the merchants and residents in those areas. The Mission District is no exception: it is filled with so much rich, local flavor--people come here looking for a different vibe than they have experienced anywhere else. But if we have multi-national corporations like Jack Spade moving in to the Valencia Corridor, our neighborhood will lose its independent feeling."

Mark Holcomb, a spokesman for Jack Spade, has not responded to our inquiries.

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• Liz Claiborne Pushing for Adobe Books' Eviction
• Adobe Books Served Eviction Notice, Jack Spade Remains Silent

With Adobe Books packing up their 25-year-old 16th Street location, evicted financially by their landlord on behalf of Liz Claiborne's Jack Spade label, the Valencia Corridor Merchants Association is petitioning to keep the luxury men's store from moving into the location.

The organization is hoping to repeat the success of their outreach campaign against American Apparel, which successfully swayed the clothing manufacturer from opening on Valencia in 2009.

"American Apparel made the decision to abort their efforts to open up a retail store in the corridor [in response to community backlash]," Jefferson McCarley of Mission Bicycle told us. "We are hoping that when Jack Spade sees how strongly the community feels about this, they will also decide not to pursue this location here."

Jack Spade's lease of 3166 16th Street reportedly begins on June 15th, but their opening date remains shrouded in secrecy.  As their move-in looms, the VCMA feels they have exhausted all other means to sway Jack Spade.  The company has refused to engage the local business community, declining through a media spokesman to meet with the organization and discuss alternative locations in the city.  Neighborhood Supervisors Wiener and Campos remain ambivalent towards the the store, and the Planning Department will not host a public meeting on the company, as it ruled the company does not meet the city's "formula retail" definition on a technicality that only 10 of their 13 locations are in the United States.

As Eileen Hassi of Ritual Roasters tells us:

Jack Spade is clearly formula retail by the SF Planning Department's definition, but unfortunately the way the law is written, it's not until AFTER the 11th [U.S.] location that a business is required to have a public hearing.  Without a public hearing, we have to find other means of getting the public's opinion and sharing it with the business and the Planning Department.  What better way than a petition?  It will show that it's a diverse cross-section of the population of the Mission, and of San Francisco, that is opposed to Jack Spade opening on the Valencia Corridor.

She adds:

I'm a fan of the [Planning Department's] hearing process.  I think it works.  I'm happy to say it worked with American Apparel, it worked with the Starbucks that just tried to go in to the Castro, on Market at Sanchez.  It's frustrating that Liz Claiborne/Jack Spade has figured out how to game the process.  It's no accident that this is their 11th US location.  I think the very fact that this multinational corporation figured out the loophole and exploited it should be a very clear message to the Planning Department that the ambiguity of the law should be corrected.

Many have received that message.  Following GANT's controversial opening in Hayes Valley, Supervisor London Breed proposed legislation that would count all worldwide locations when considering a chain's formula retail status.  However, that legislation only applies to Hayes Valley and would not affect Jack Spade.

Supervisor Scott Wiener, whose district includes the planned Jack Spade location, instead favors relaxing formula retail restrictions for the Mission District. Andres Power, legislative aide to the supervisor, has told VCMA members that Wiener would like to increase the allowable number of U.S. locations a store may have to 20.

Dema Grim from DEMA tells us that over 30 stores in the neighborhood are hanging posters promoting the petition in their windows.  At least 20 with host the petition on their sales counter.

The only public supporter the Liz Claiborne subsidiary has found is Phil Lesser of the Mission Merchants Association; however, Spade allegedly had to pay Lesser a hefty sum as a "permit expediter" to get his "blessing."  The Mission Merchants Association is yet to take a position on the company, but their president, Casanova owner Don Alan, has reportedly told Jack Spade that "they would be unwelcome on the Valencia corridor" and "strongly suggested they look for alternate locations" in the city.

With so few legal options available to the VCMA, they hope that public opinion will convince Jack Spade to explore more commercial locations.

"I don't oppose Jack Spade," Haley Lynn, manager of Five & Diamond, conceded. "I just oppose them moving into the Valencia Corridor."

"The best part of San Francisco is all the different feelings in each neighborhood. Each neighborhood really identifies with a certain culture. That atmosphere is created by the merchants and residents in those areas. The Mission District is no exception: it is filled with so much rich, local flavor--people come here looking for a different vibe than they have experienced anywhere else. But if we have multi-national corporations like Jack Spade moving in to the Valencia Corridor, our neighborhood will lose its independent feeling."

Mark Holcomb, a spokesman for Jack Spade, has not responded to our inquiries.

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• Liz Claiborne Pushing for Adobe Books' Eviction
• Adobe Books Served Eviction Notice, Jack Spade Remains Silent

Man, just 10 seconds of that video is all it takes to send me into a panic fit.  Let's hope the city moves forward with SF Bike Coalition's Connecting the City project soon, because their plan seems far more sensible than the mess we have now.