I don't think before I type's Posts

Gentrification Wars Update! The Battle for Western Addition continues!

Following news concerning the inevitable fall of Da Pitt, the NOPA flag of gentrification was hoisted victoriously over Divisadero and the forces of wealth have lost no time continuing their march into the surrounding microhoods of Western Addition. Through the subterfuge of their [Real Estate] agents, they've already begun to sow the seeds of a well funded insurgency in the nearby neighborhood of Anza Vista (the area around the Kaiser Hospital, sandwiched up against Divisadero, between Geary and Turk,) by renaming it something a little more trendy and wealth friendly - "North of NOPA".

This signifies a major coup among the gentrifiers and real estate agents themselves, who only last year were peddling the Anza Vista name as a 'nice alternative' to the grit of the Western Addition mantle. But hey, 'NOPA's hot, so why not just rename Anza Vista "North of NOPA", ie: North of North of the Panhandle. 

Can't wait until they rename the Panhandle 'South of the North of the Panhandle'. Fucking idiots. 

Just over a month after Bi-Rite Divisadero opened it's tiny, velvet roped doors and pay-by-the-hour parking service, neighborhood BBQ staple Da Pitt has been served an eviction notice. The full rebranding of the Divisadero strip from "Western Addition" to "NOPA" is hereby complete. Haighteration has the scoop on the eviction. Get it while you still can. 

Pic via Haighteration.

San Francisco's Lurkiest Home Videos

Ordinary Weirdos appears to be San Francisco's very own version of "You're On Candid Camera" meets an Art School exercise in voyeuristic banality (BAM! FILM SCHOOL! GOT MY MONEY'S WORTH MOM AND DAD.)

The first Ordinary Weirdos video I saw featured a pair of transients smoking and drinking outside a McDonald’s, and I was concerned that the whole thing was going to be some sort of class-tourism video-expedition-into-poverty for the sake of “art”.  But the next few videos that I watched, featuring a surfer changing out of a wetsuit behind his Corvette and a woman with a well-endowed posterior posing for wedding party photos, assured me that Ordinary Weirdos was voyeuristic simply for the oddly compelling creep factor alone. There’s something soothing about the stillness of these videos that appeals to the lurker in us all. Or at least just in me. 

Spotted, and narrowly avoided, on Saturday around Valencia and 19th. It smelled even worse than it looked.

Phoenix, AZ is getting ready for their August 1st visit.

According to the 'totes legit' looking SuperOfficialNews.com, Bill Murray is looking to crash random parties in San Francisco on August 8th. In the article, Murray's agent sets the guidelines for participation and is quoted as saying that partygoers must refer to Murray in person as "Kaiser Soze", and that he will be looking for parties with karaoke and signs outside that say "BILL MURRAY CAN CRASH HERE". 
 
Yes, this is fake (Murray doesn't have an agent, and the hotline phone number on the flyer is for the Westboro Baptist church), but it will be interesting to see how many idiots in San Francisco will be suckered into throwing karaoke parties that night and putting signs up outside their house.

 

Bernalwood just broke a story that's sure to be 'big news' for Bay Area crazies. 

But, really, it’s true! Bigfoot WAS spotted today on Bernal Hill, and Neighbor Frank was there with a camera to capture the wild beast on camera.

...Neighbor Frank writes:

My wife and I were walking around the top of the hill just before noon today and spotted Bigfoot, or something like that, running up the hill near the top of Rosenkranz Street.

We thought that maybe Bernalwood was Bigfoot’s new habitat, but in the heat, Bigfoot removed his head and looked more like a person in a costume, surrounded by two photographers.

This is either an awesome prank with a homemade ghillie suit, or 'Neighbor Frank' stumbled upon the principle photography for a Zodiac re-boot about a disgruntled Marine Corps sniper who finds out the prolific serial killer was his biological father.

Bernalwood post: "BIGFOOT SIGHTING ON BERNAL HILL!! (FINALLY!!)"

As a kid born in the mid eighties, 90s music videos hold a very special place in my heart. But none of the San Francisco-centric videos we seen on Uptown this week can stand up to this juggernaut - Huey Lewis and the News' 1983 hit 'I Want a New Drug'. Otherwise known as "that song they ripped off in Ghostbusters", the quasi-local Huey Lewis and the News produced a San Francisco-centric video that still resonates with the lives of many residents today.

Let's start at the beginning of the video. After a particularly rough Whiskey Wednesday that ended with the procurement of 1980s-caliber blow from a bartender at legendary SOMA hotspot Caribbean Zone, 'young' Huey (he was 34) wakes up disheveled and hungover in the middle of the afternoon. Huey dunks his head in ice water while repeatedly declaring his great need for a new, less adverse chemical substance. Not long after, he realizes that he's late for his own show, hops in his piece of shit vintage (even for then) Karmann Ghia, and speeds down Potrero Hill. This is where things in the narrative start making a lot less sense… 
 
Huey makes it to a ferry boat in the nick of time. He downs an entire box of alka seltzer, which is served to him by a bow tie wearing waiter cause fuck it it was the 80s and why the hell not have bottle service on a commuter ferry. Dude probably offered him blow too, but Huey is still hungover and, at least for the next 48 hours, is convinced that he needs a new drug. Rocking a bright ass red suit, Huey starts getting sideways glances from the cookie-cutter Patrick Bateman corporate stand-ins (aka: future fans) who are apparently also really late for work. It won't be until 1986 that Huey realizes it's hip to be square and tones down the colors of his wardrobe. 
 
PICTURED: Hypothermia and non-SAG/AFTRA day rates
 
At this point, it seems like the LA-based director of the music video becomes disappointed by the overall grey-ness of the Bay Area, and asks his location manager if there's any way they can "make the Bay look more like Santa Monica". Their casting director obliges, and the Bay is then decorated with supermodel caliber girls in bikinis, 'sun bathing' on speed boats in 50 degree weather.
 
Once arriving at his destination (Oakland? Larkspur?), Huey boards a helicopter so that he can immediately fly back to San Francisco, the city that just came from in a pretty big hurry. Huey either literally had a 'new drug' waiting for him in Oakland that he desperately needed to pick up before his show, or his Groupon for a helicopter tour was set to expire that morning. 
 
The rest of the video is pretty standard stuff. Huey makes it to the gig; his Rick Rubin looking tour manager gets pissed that he's late; Huey crotch thrusts into the face of an improbably hot girl in the front row; three clones of Huey Lewis play saxophone together, and San Francisco pop culture history is made. 
 
PICTURED: Two Huey Lewis clones and KevMo on the right.

With such glorious weather bound to attract people in droves to Ocean Beach this weekend, be sure to excercise caution and be on the lookout for roving gangs of martial artist criminals. Richmond SF Blog recently featured one such cautionary tale; the 1974 film Slaughter in San Francisco.

[h/t N Judah]

Pic via hunter1828.

I don't think anyone could have initially complained when BART announced a "Buy American" policy for bids on their new fleet of future rail cars.  But as disappointed as we all were to find out this futuristic fleet didn't include hover trains with robot conductors, I think we were even more disappointed to find out that the "Buy American" policy was really just rhetoric. Granted, our nation's crumbling industrial capacity and our general cultural disdain for public transportation systems are really to blame; there simply just aren't any US companies that currently build rail cars.

So with no US companies to step up, BART instead took bids from three foreign companies who each committed to meeting the guidelines of their "Buy American" policy. Turns out that this policy only really requires that just 60% of the materials used in the new BART fleet be manufactured in the United States. On top of that, every single one of the foreign bidders plans to do their American manufacturing on the East Coast, ensuring that virtually none of the $2.5 billion dollars will be spent creating jobs in California.

Last month, BART officials declared their findings after an extensive study of each of the three bids. South Korean Rotem (a Hyundai subsidiary) was by far the least favored. Instead, it came down to a pretty close finish between French Canadian Bombardier and France's Alstom.  On April 23rd, BART declared their support for Bombardier (which for obvious reasons, they like to refer to as a "North American" company instead of just calling them Canadian), which BART will likely vote in as the winner at a public meeting tomorrow morning at 9am (yeah, that's in 12 hours, cause I know you're totes gonna read this tonight and change your morning plans). 

Critics are crying foul because the "North America" Bombadier has apparently struggled to come up with a BART plan that will use just 66% US sourced parts. Also, Chicago's Bombadier built fleet of rail cars were apparently made with defective Chinese parts that recently forced replacements in all 775 of Chicago's trains and a complete recall and loss of 54 of those trains. 

By now, you've probably heard that really annoying, cheesy radio ad advocating for a "BART for America". These ads are being funded by interests supporting the Alstom bid, who apprently submitted a plan to use 95% of US sourced materials for only about 12% more cost than Bombardier's bid, which still below the total project price tag of $2.5 billion. Unions are backing the last ditch effort to push BART towards the Alstom bid, and if you care enough to make a fuss and maybe create a few more manufacturing jobs in South Carolina or whatever, you too can show to the BART Board of Directors Hearing at 9am tomorrow morning and yell at people who aren't listening and have already made up their mind!

'MERICA! 

Tomorrow, May 10th @ 9am: BART Board Room in Kaiser Center, 20th Street Mall, Third Floor, 344 20th St., Oakland, CA.

Future trains brought to you by the metric system and French Fries. Pic via BART.