Sunday Streets

Look SFPD, we get it.  Between all the gang wars, drug dealers, and cyclists riding through stop signs, you have your hands full.  The Mission is happening nearly every hour of every day, yet you somehow manage to keep the 'hood from looking like 7th and Market.  You deal with the complaints of geezer neighbors without totally ruining the fun.  You look away when we spark a joint.  And no one has ever watched you slap a pair of cuffs on Cold Beer Cold Water.

For all that, most residents give you well-deserved credit.

But every time we start thinking SFPD isn't all that bad, you go pull a stunt that reminds us all that you employ some of the most toolish douchebags to ever live in the City and County of San Francisco.

Take yesterday's closing of Sunday Streets.  Argubly one of the most successful civic events in the city, Sunday Streets brings thousands of San Franciscans from every corner of the city together to enjoy motor-free streets for five measly hours.  The streets are lined with musicians, neighbors barbequing on their stoops, local merchants and cooks flipping their wares, children learning bike polo, people adoring low riders, kids going nuts with chalk, art bikes, costumed rollerbladers, and even dance lessons.  The community the event fosters is enough to bring a smile to even the most cynical dipshit's face.

So when the public's time was up, how'd you close down the event?  Send officers walking down the street, politely telling people to move to the sidewalks? Dispatch the Mission's bicycle cops down Valencia to assist in winding the event down?  Strap rollerskates on officers dressed like The Village People and kick people off the streets?

No, you sent Officer Power Trip and his sidekick Sargent Shitbag down Valencia on motorcycles, wailing on their sirens, yelling over the loudspeaker to get on the sidewalk, and accelerating into crowds of people so they'd jump to the curb.  And it wasn't jump unemployed kids on fixies you treated like this.  No, these trailblazers in misdirected anger chirped their horns at families in the street, yelled at merchants that hurriedly dragged their belongings to the curb.  Hell, I even saw the officer pictured above accelerate his motorcycle right into former city supervisor and mayoral candidate Bevan Dufty and his volunteers.

Your department treats families, neighbors, and generally lovely people with the same respect you show #OpBART protesters.  What the fuck is wrong with you?

Once again, Sunday Streets proved to be a solid community event in which San Franciscans were begged to imagine what Valencia and 24th could look like without traffic and given the opportunity to complain about the wind's affect on their collective haircuts.  Unlike Sunday Streets in years past, in which the event was dominated by art bikes, kids going ape-shit with boxes of chalk, and music, a few politicians were out there not letting you forget 2011 is an election year.

Perhaps the real highlight of the whole day had to have been our human-mustache hybrid mayor, Ed Lee.  There he was, walking down the middle of Valencia with two or three innocuous bodyguards with his head slightly down and a Giants cap and sunglasses hiding most of his face.  Gavin Newsom, this man is not.  Rather than making the entire event about how he attended the event, Lee generally kept to himself, yet kindly offered to chat with people and crack a wide smile for a photo when approached.  He didn't even seem to give a shit when a bunch of kids holding brown bags and Red Stripes ran up for a photo.

And like every quality Ed Lee photo-op, the scene turned into a high-five party.  Joined by Phil of Philz Coffee and mountain bike pioneer Gary Fisher, the mayoral crew began 'giving skin' to passersby:

Then, sensing an opportunity to be hip, President of the Board David Chiu ran up to the scene like a high school math nerd who was just waved over to the cool kids' lunch table, dolling out slaps, fist bumps, and immediately making the situation kinda awkward.  That's not to say I don't like David Chiu--I'm sure he's a fan-tastic guy--it's just if you're going to throw up your sweaty palms with the mayor, you best bring your A game.

Shortly after the high-five party crash, David Chiu mounted his conference bike, cranked up "Hey Ya!" and rolled down the street while a girl dressed in pink shaggy carpet blowing bubbles acted as sweep.  Gutsy music choice.  On one hand, it's a Top 40 hit safe with families and Noe Valley, but on the other hand, it wasn't Gucci Mane.  We'll give him a pass on this.

Supervisor Avalos was also there, who's apparently trying to ride 'Giants Fever' all the way to the ballot box.  From what I can tell, he really impressed the hulking dude in camo shorts holding a hula-hoop with his vision of San Francisco.

Thankfully, the event wasn't all politicians and awkward high-fives.  For example, this local badass was riding down the street on a bike fashioned to look like a deer.

There were also some dudes that didn't realize Cinco de Mayo was last week.

And some shirtless people practicing yoga amongst broken bottles and hungover people who really didn't need to see this.

This pigeon had a shitty Sunday Streets.

Anndddd... scene.

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• Sunday Streets Recap
• Sunday Streets 2011 Off To A Fine Start
• Bees Also Love Sunday Streets

I think they were pissed about Spain winning the World Cup.

Previously on Uptown Almanac

• Bees Descend Upon 18th and Dolores