Someone plz please figure out how I can quit my real job and get paid to do this so I have the time to write 'legit' posts

Pabst Brewing sold for $250 million

— By Zach Perkins |

 

(photo ripped off from Plan 59)

Ok my real boss (not KevMo) is quite literally throwing shit at me right now, so I gotta make this quick.  Here's a few key points I picked up on while skimming this article (WHAT THE FUCK AM I, A JOURNALIST?!) 

  1. For the last 5 or so years, PBR has been owned by a dead guy.
  2. Pabst Brewing is the country's 5th largest beer supplier (2.7% of total market share).
  3. Pabst is a “virtual brewer,” owning the brand name.  The product is brewed under contract by MillerCoors LLC.
  4. Pabst Brewing also owns the brand rights to Schlitz, Lone Star, and Colt 45. 
  5. The new owner, C. Dean Metropoulos (I'D LIKE TO CHANGE MY LAST NAME TO THIS PLZ) is expected to put his 29 and 26 year old sons in key positions in the company.  An attempt to maintain PBR's young and hip brand integrity?  

Do you think that PBR will undergo a shift in brand identity now that it's owned by a man who made his fortune managing brands like Chef Boyardee, Duncan Hines, Bumble Bee Tuna, and (S.F. SPOILER ALERT) Ghiradelli Chocolates?  Will PBR go (even more) mainstream?  Feel free to hate.