So for background, there's some tech company that has their office across the hall from mine and a couple of months ago they doubled their staff of engineers. I've been noticing some disturbing trends, mostly related to the only places I interact with them—the hallways and bathroom. I'll note that we did not have any of these issues until this company scaled up their engineering team.

1. The barefoot dude who is barefoot in the bathroom all the time. 
   Now I understand the urge to relax and take your shoes off at work, I really do.  I would never do it because I'm not disgusting, but I do understand the urge.  However, bathrooms are gross.  People pee and poop in there—not hygienic. This guy (all of these incidents are perpetrated by dudes, obv) literally comes into the bathroom, going about his business, in his bare feet.  What. The. Fuck.  I have to wonder, is this something he is open about and has a philosophical stance on like “Humans weren't meant to wear shoes!  Monkeys don't wear shoes and I'm no better than that, so I don't wear shoes either!”  Or is it his shameful secret that he only indulges in at work because all of his co-workers are also super grody and won't bat an eye?  Does his doctor keep getting conflicting excuses as to why he keeps coming in with cases of hookworm?
   
   So many questions, so few answers.
    
2. The “I'm too busy to wash my hands” guy.
   This fucking guy.  Never washes his hands, and is super blatant about how gross he is. He just walks in, drops the kids off at the pool, and then wanders out without a care in the world.  We've started putting signs up saying “employees must wash hands.” The signs aren't working.
    
3. The crumbs in the hallway.
   How can there be this many damn crumbs in the hallway?  It looks like a construction site or a wood-working shop… but with like… crumbs instead of sawdust?  Are there ducks in the office you are trying to feed?  Because I haven't seen any ducks around here.  I think you are just walking around with your sandwiches being super gross eaters.  The ducks down at the park may approve of this behavior but I am not a duck, and I hate you.
    
4. The toothbrush incident.
   You're a grown-ass man working at a fancy tech company. You probably have a bathroom at home with a mirror and everything. You're really bringing your toothbrush and toothpaste to work like it's some kind of middle school campout? No. No no no. It's gross, and you are gross. You are gross every day, because I see you doing this every day.
    
5. The toilet situation.
   The state of our toilets is shameful.  I should have known what was coming because a month after all these gross nerds moved in, there were signs on every toilet stall stating clearly that “Due to popular demand, the toilets will be replaced with high capacity versions.”  Let me break that down for you:
   
   a) “Due to popular demand” - many people have asked for this thing to happen.
   b) “High capacity” - mega gross nerd shits.
   
   Even with our new super-shitters, the nerds next door keep breaking them with their uber-turds, and leaving celebratory piles of TP, bowl protectors, paper hand towels, and napkins (????) strewn about.  Fucking awesome.

I hope we've all learned an important lesson from this: nerds are horrible and gross, and all stereotypes are 100% correct.