Romance & Sex

El Rio's Go Deep! Lube Wrestling is the Next Twisted Event You Must Absolutely Attend

Dearest nerds and pervs, did you know that El Rio has a monthly all-girl lube wrestling competition? No? Okay, well now you do and you should probably put the next one on your calendar.

See, I'm not going to lie guys.  I'd like to offer you a subjective, puritanical review of the evening that's free of sexual charge, but I just cannot do it.  This event ruled for so many reasons: the rockin' DJ, the jokes from the MC, the lubricated thumb-wrestling contest, wrestlers with names like “Hella Kitty”… even the costumes were off the charts.  But, at the end of the day, this lube wrestling match is a must-attend for a reason I'm sure we're all familiar with: titties.  I mean, who doesn't like titties?  Seriously people.  Girls love titties.  Guys definitely love titties.  The internet loves titties.  Titties titties titties.

That's not to say the party was all lube and boobs—quite the contrary.  There were venerable athletes getting into the mix, some of which looked like they could bench press a bus with one arm.  And the looks of horror from the front row as they got whipped in the face with a lube-drenched ponytails was simply priceless.

However, the event was not without its drawbacks; namely, the rows of creepy lurkers in the back (of which I was a part of, naturally).  Sadly, I was not allowed to take a photo to show you what the crowd looked like, and the idea of getting thrown out of a lube wrestling competition in a lesbian bar was a certifiable pervy rock bottom from which my pride and dignity would never recover.  But the back four or five rows were packed with whack dudes in backwards baseball caps grinning like virgins.  And then there was that 40-year-old couple making out a little too hard, which grossed me the fuck out but, from the looks of it, almost caused the guy to my right to pull out his dick right there and give himself a fistful of blisters.

Did I mention titties?

Anyway, if you RSVP with Red Hots Burlesque (who aids in putting on the show) ahead of time, you can reserve yourself a seat in the front, lube-soaked, pervert-free rows.  So do that.

Go Deep! goes down on the first Thursday of every month at 9pm.  $15 cover, but all the money goes to the performers.

[Photo by Red Hot Dottie]

Missed Connections Comix: Watermelon all over my Face

[Editor's Note: Each week, Gnartoons creator James the Stanton will be illustrating some of our favorite Missed Connections found on Craigslist.  To kick the whole thing off, he's polishing up a few gems that were left in the aftermath of Burning Man 2011, because a week of unchecked drug abuse mixed with a dash of internet results in some truly bizarre shit.]

 

 

 

Mid-Market's Answer to the Bernal Heights Bikini Jogger

Our friends up in Bernal Heights have been enthralled (turned on?) for the last few months by a local resident jogging around the neighborhood in nothing but a bikini, letting her lady parts bounce around in the most photogenic of ways.

Naturally, the absurdity of such a thing generated all sorts of press and spawned a speedo jogger intimidator (which my heterosexuality/concern for human welfare requires me to classify as “ewwwww grossssss”).  However, other neighborhoods never really upped the ante with their own athletic fashion weirdos, much to the disappointment of the internet.

But now it seems there's another fleshy jogger to be reckon with—this time, gracing our city's crackhead corridor with full, unadultrated nudity, as captured by Josh J a few months back in video form:

While this blogger hasn't seen this neatly trimmed Yeti with his own eyes, I suggest listening for the catcalls “heyyyyyyyy lady” and “where you going so fast?” and “hey mommy, why don't you run over this way?” to find her yourself.

[Video by Josh J]

Naked Muni Monster Escapes Authorities to CRUSH CARS [NSFW]

SFist reports:

A woman described as “heavyset” and naked except for her shoes was pulled off the J-Church line on Tuesday morning, and while cops and medical personnel were evaluating her near the intersection of 24th and Church, she threw off a blanket that had been wrapped around her, walked up on the hood of one man's car, and stomped on his windshield. The man, John Knight, described the crazed woman as about 250 pounds, and he had a lot of explaining to do to his insurance company.

They asked if the car was on the side of a street or in a parking lot,” [Knight told the Chronicle]. “I told them, ‘No, a naked woman just got on my hood and stomped on it.’ They didn’t really know what to make of it.”

And here's the aftermath:

We reached out to Mr. Knight for an additional comment*, “No, see I was inside the car when it happened! Do you realize what kind of a vantage point that gave me? There are some things that can't be unseen! … Thank God I was driving a Volvo.”

*Mr. Knight really didn't tell us that.

[SFgate, via SFist]

Maps Maps Maps

Leave Your Heart on San Francisco

Leaving the snark, cynicism, and spraypaint aside for a moment, someone got hella creative for Valentine’s Day!  As Jefferson from Mission Bicycle tells us, one of the shops customer’s took his bike, a GPS app, and mapped a heart-shapped loop around San Francisco to create a Valentine for his long-distance girlfriend.  What’s more? He even braved the Marina to do it.  Dedication!

Mission Bike’s blog has more, including a brief blurb about the project from the rider, elevation profiles and the number calories burned.

(Thanks Jefferson!)

Dolores Park Already Spoken For

Remember the good ol' days when two swooning sweethearts would take a hunting knife and carve their love right into the trunk of tree?  Just two young lovers drunk off soda pop and methamphetamines putting their love before nature.  A beautiful act, really.

We can only hope that when the flame between this idealistic vandal and Sweet Miss Dolores Park burns out, they break up in a more traditional way.  Like writing SLUT in herbicide across Hipster Hill.

[Photo by Citizens of the World]

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