'mnstrm media'

The Bold Italic Takes a Quick Break From Stereotyping Everyone to Ask Others to Stop Stereotyping Techies

The Bold Italic has built an empire lost their parent company Gannett Company, Inc. millions of dollars by pushing borderline racist listicles and backstories exploring our city's most tired stereotypes.  Now, their completely oblivious editor “producer” Jennifer Maerz has had it up to here with commonfolk stereotyping poor techies, goshdarnit!

According to Maerz, techies The Bold Italic's primary customers aren't making assault weapons (true!, kinda) and not every techie is a yuppie satan-spawn that would have been a Manhattanite financier if born a generation ago (true!, obviously), so let's cut them some slack and save our stereotypin' energy for Chinese people and everyone else in the city, okay?

She explains why you should get with the brogram:

I don't blame an entire industry (and every single person who works within it) for a city growing expensive, and I'm getting tired of hearing complaints from friends and strangers who make mass generalizations about people they likely have never met or worked with. I know we've done our own stereotyping on TBI of tech folks too, but our writers have approached the topic as parodies. It's hard watching the very serious hatred for people who have tech jobs grow stronger in posts and forums. It's not like these folks are making assault weapons for a living. Most of my friends who work in startups are helping build information systems that benefit universities, organize and label your iTunes music collections, and help get the bands you want to see to your city. You can't lump all tech work, or people using the medium to push out new ideas, as evil.

We completely agree.  Wholesale dismissal of people based on what employee badge they carry is a real poor idea.  And we know plenty of people who ride the shuttles and are perfectly bearable humans.  But the idea that the industry's occasional nobleness and lack of complete sameness makes it somehow off-limits to criticize its rampant racism, gender inequality and sexism, insularity and cronyism—never mind the widening inequality and and Republican tax policies it promotes—is completely baffling.

(Besides, should we not criticize bankers despite the fact their industry is by and large corrupt?)

Anyway, if the brogrammer apologists at The Bold Italic really want to stop techie stereotyping, maybe they should start with themselves?

Hippie's Bite Worse Than Dog's Bark

KRON's resident voice actor and all around wonderful human hater Stanley Roberts received his inevitable assault this week.  However, it wasn't from his vilified rabble-rousing Wiggle cyclists, but instead from a crusty pair of dreaded Telegraph Ave. gutterpunks.

After they harassed him for a few minutes during the filming of one of his beloved and helium-pitched “People Behaving Badly” segments, one of them attacked him from behind. From the Oakland Tribune:

“I never saw it coming,” he said.

When the first man attacked, Roberts said he turned around, grabbed him by the throat and pushed him up against a wall, telling him to not touch him before he let him go. Roberts then said he tried to walk away but that the men followed him and attacked again.

Sleeping Bear” Stanley Roberts then woke up from hibernation and fought back, but the resulting brawl left $6,000 in equipment broken, his press pass stolen, and his back sprained.  The condition of the dog is not known at this time.

And, of course, this isn't the first time a subject of his creepshot journalism lashed out at the noted vlogger, as old school fans will recall this rather brilliant verbal assault from 2011:

(Thanks Patrick and Amanda for the tips!)

Rite Spot Cafe Backhandedly Makes NY Times' 10 Favorite SF Bars List

In an obvious attempt to gin up their alt cred, the New York Times recently swung through the Mission during an otherwise “old news” San Francisco bar crawl. (Unless you haven't heard of Vesuvio and Tosca, in which case it is most definitely new news.)  The result?  Rite Spot, a beloved but thankfully sparsely trafficked bar, made their favorites list.  And their enthusiasm jumped off the page:

Rite Spot Cafe looks like a white tablecloth Italian restaurant about to breathe its last.

Normally I'd criticize them for this sorry observation, but if anyone knows anything about having one foot in the grave, it's The Times.

Does this mean fancy, borderline-discerning Times readers will start flocking to an our favorite Italian restaurant that serves $4 whiskey shots?  Is Rite Spot over? (Also, did I really just link to a clip from Portlandia? Can someone start a Change.org petition to have me banned from life?)  We can only hope not.

[via Grub Street | Photo by Ariel Dovas]

The Bold Italic Criticizes SF's Homogenization, Doesn't Criticize Itself

It's already Wednesday and we're only now reading our first anti-gentrification rant of the week.  Real evidence the local media is slipping, honestly.  And while we're still not seeing much of a fresh take on things, today's soapbox is a startling one: The Bold Italic.  The Bold Italic.

I cry:

Take a walk down Valencia Street today and you’ll find yourself waiting in line at a Disneyland of pop-culture opulence. Oblivious of the stark irony, graphic designers and marketing managers frequent $50/seat old-time barbershops and shop at retail boutiques obsessed with the rugged appeal of working-class fashion. Simultaneously, the actual businesses and experiences the proprietors are emulating are unable to compete in the increased rental market. What we’re left with are stage props and costumes in an increasingly detached culture of disingenuous, blue-collar nostalgia. […]

Sadly, the very diversity that attracts people to this city is now being threatened by the people it attracts. What we are now witnessing is the rubber band of white flight snapping, bringing with it the strip-mall formula of familiarity that most people who now call this home fled from. It doesn’t matter if it's Whole Foods, Blue Bottle, or a flock of mobile food trucks, gentrification in 2013 seems to be characterized by a stark cultural homogeneity that is leaving one neighborhood indistinguishable from the next.

Oblivious of the stark irony, The Bold Italic published this without taking even the slightest bit of look inward.  No mention of their puff pieces on $50/seat old-time barbershops (published two days ago) or overpriced shaving kits.  No hint at self-awareness of their blind promotion of non-union union-chic boutiques obsessed with the rugged appeal of working-class fashion. Not even a self-deprecating quip about their faux-folksy reclaimed wood headquarters paid for by their deep-pocketed parent's (Gannett, owner of USA Today) generously provided trust-fund (yearly tax write-off).

Yes, The Bold Italic, homogeneity is absolutely ruining San Francisco.

(Also, can someone point me in the direction of our neighborhood Hot Topic? I need some new shirts.)

Helicopters Circle Above 24th and Bryant Hoping Giant Fireball Consumes Area

Curious as to why there's a bunch of helicopters waking you up before noon?  There's a massive gas leak near Dynamo Donuts at 24th and Bryant that local TV crews are hoping turns into a fireball:

San Francisco firefighters have evacuated one city block in the city's Mission District after a “major” gas leak, fire officials said.

The gas leak was first reported at 24th and Bryant streets a little before 11 a.m., said Deputy Fire Chief Mark Gonzales. Firefighters have hose lines in place, and Pacific Gas and Electric crews are responding to the scene to turn off the gas, he said.

According to PG&E, crews area already on the scene turning off the gas, much to the dismay of the vultures above.

Biking of Divisadero: Dick Move

I've always found biking along Divis to be quite nice, actually.  It's got a vibrant street life, only a semi-spoiled array of shops and businesses, folks hanging out at the Mojo Bicycle Cafe parklet, traffic moving at a seasoned commuter's pace—plus, it's one of the flatter ways to get to… Lower Pac Heights?

But, see, Divisadero doesn't have a bike lane. So the nay-saying rabblerousers at the SF Weekly aren't so down, writing that while intentionally running over a cyclist marginally inconveniencing Divisadero's traffic is illegal, that rider is committing the very worst of all bro crimes: a dick move.

“So if I'm driving down Divisadero,” [my dumbass friend] said, setting the scene from her previous afternoon, “And there's a bicyclist pedaling in front of me, and she's going really slowly along the entire length of the street, and there's a line of cars forming behind me, and there's traffic speeding by to our left, and the bicyclist has planted herself in the middle of the lane, and there's a perfectly good bike lane just a few blocks over — it still my fault if I accidentally run her over?”

I like to think of myself as a fair-minded person and, in any event, I am conflict-averse above all. So, after careful consideration, I responded to her question as dispassionately as possible, with one of my own:

“Do you mean, legally or morally?”

Damn.  I was thinking “You're a goddamn psychopath! Go surrender your license to the authorities! Seriously, I'm downgrading you to 'acquaintance' on Facebook” would have been a slam dunk.  Then again, not everyone spent their formative teenage years spitting at Hummers that carelessly edged them off New England's narrow roads.

But our fair-minded SF Weekly columnist gently explained—as to not upset his jumpy friend—that, no, you can't just (legally) drive over a person riding a bike.  But he did concede in the court of public opinion:

Obviously, I don't know the cyclist who was slowing down my coworker. Maybe she had a perfectly good reason to be moseying down the full length of one of the busiest thoroughfares in the city. But given that she had the alternative of a quieter street with a bike path within a few blocks ride and given that there was a line of cars cropping up behind her waiting to get by, I will join my coworker in pronouncing that choice to be both absolutely within a cyclist's legal rights and kind of a dick move.

And now you know.

[Photo by Gavin Newsom | via Streetsblog]

In Defense of Irony

Titled “How to Live Without Irony,” the New York Times recently published a paraphrastic update of AdBuster's seminal 2008 essay identifying icky hipsters as the “end of Western Civilization.”  I quickly dismissed the highbrow rehash as “meh,” but it got under my skin like any sweeping, broad-stroked dismissal of a generation does.

To quote:

The hipster haunts every city street and university town. Manifesting a nostalgia for times he never lived himself, this contemporary urban harlequin appropriates outmoded fashions (the mustache, the tiny shorts), mechanisms (fixed-gear bicycles, portable record players) and hobbies (home brewing, playing trombone). He harvests awkwardness and self-consciousness. Before he makes any choice, he has proceeded through several stages of self-scrutiny. The hipster is a scholar of social forms, a student of cool. He studies relentlessly, foraging for what has yet to be found by the mainstream. He is a walking citation; his clothes refer to much more than themselves. He tries to negotiate the age-old problem of individuality, not with concepts, but with material things.

He is an easy target for mockery. However, scoffing at the hipster is only a diluted form of his own affliction. He is merely a symptom and the most extreme manifestation of ironic living. For many Americans born in the 1980s and 1990s — members of Generation Y, or Millennials — particularly middle-class Caucasians, irony is the primary mode with which daily life is dealt. One need only dwell in public space, virtual or concrete, to see how pervasive this phenomenon has become. Advertising, politics, fashion, television: almost every category of contemporary reality exhibits this will to irony.

I should start off by acknowledging that I'm not totally sure I understand the concept of irony.  Alanis Morissette once told me it's like rain on your wedding day, which sounds reasonable.  The dictionary that comes preloaded with my post-ironic MacBook defines it as “sarcasm” (I'm paraphrasing) and “a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result” (I'm not paraphrasing). But for the purposes of the Times' article, Urban Dictionary's definition shall suffice: “A descriptive form for describing someone who is acting wimpy or like a Canadian.”

On face, the author rejects irony as an insincere “shield” that protects the cautious and insecure from rejection and criticism (you know, because hipsters are never chastised in American culture).  As if modern hipster “fashion” can only be described as a kitschy defense from having to make real choices.

Please.

There's this prevailing myth in amongst people who Don't Get It that irony has to be the manifestation of cowardice. Fictional characters such as 30 Rock's Frank Rossitano fuel this belief—a man who not only wears different ironic trucker hats in every episode, but spews irony to mask and deny his true nerdy and, perhaps, “lame” passions and sexual insecurity.  It makes great comedy, and there are undeniably some real world examples of these types of people, but it's hardly the rule.  Ignoring the reality that the ironic hipster is mostly extinct (replaced by scumbags and twee), the author falsely assumes it's impossible that some people might be legitimately passionate about kitsch (see every grandparent's house ever). Worse, she ignores the reality that irony is seen by many as the modern anti-fashion movement—a tongue-in-cheek yet honest rejection of expensive clothing sold to us in glossy magazines and pastel Old Navy commercials. Like the grunge movement before us that the author holds in such regard, hipsters too don't want to wear mall fashion or dump hundreds of dollars on Bedford/Valencia designer wear promoted to marketing interns in The Bold Italic.

Of course, it's not all about fashion and cowardice:

I, too, exhibit ironic tendencies. [KM: Isn't this a classic example of hipster calling the kettle black? What? Argh, I'm not going to touch THAT.] For example, I find it difficult to give sincere gifts. Instead, I often give what in the past would have been accepted only at a White Elephant gift exchange: a kitschy painting from a thrift store, a coffee mug with flashy images of “Texas, the Lone Star State,” plastic Mexican wrestler figures. Good for a chuckle in the moment, but worth little in the long term. Something about the responsibility of choosing a personal, meaningful gift for a friend feels too intimate, too momentous. I somehow cannot bear the thought of a friend disliking a gift I’d chosen with sincerity. The simple act of noticing my self-defensive behavior has made me think deeply about how potentially toxic ironic posturing could be.

First, it signals a deep aversion to risk. As a function of fear and pre-emptive shame, ironic living bespeaks cultural numbness, resignation and defeat. If life has become merely a clutter of kitsch objects, an endless series of sarcastic jokes and pop references, a competition to see who can care the least (or, at minimum, a performance of such a competition), it seems we’ve made a collective misstep. Could this be the cause of our emptiness and existential malaise? Or a symptom?
Leif Parsons

Throughout history, irony has served useful purposes, like providing a rhetorical outlet for unspoken societal tensions. But our contemporary ironic mode is somehow deeper; it has leaked from the realm of rhetoric into life itself. This ironic ethos can lead to a vacuity and vapidity of the individual and collective psyche. Historically, vacuums eventually have been filled by something — more often than not, a hazardous something. Fundamentalists are never ironists; dictators are never ironists; people who move things in the political landscape, regardless of the sides they choose, are never ironists.

Okay, maybe it's all about fashion and cowardice.

On that premise, I have to disagree.  Is “irony” more about fear of rejection as it is about rejection of society itself?  For example, I drink at scummy dive bars, not because I crave the scent of urine and the company of career drunks and semi-literate bike messengers, but because the alternative is just awful.  Waiting 10 minutes for an overpriced drink at upscale pseudo-dives like Dear Mom or blowing $10 for a giant ice cube with alcohol in the presence of boring foodies is hardly enjoyable, if not depressing. So frequenting dives could be seen as “ironic” because I work in an office and read political non-fiction for fun, but how else do you escape the world of escalating pretension and praise (besides shooting heroin in a Seattle greenhouse)?

This isn't to say irony is the catch-all for people with nothing left to love.  On the contrary, much like how dive bars and aging drunks can be brilliant and rewarding to interact with if you approach them with a not-shitty attitude, many so-called ironists are passionate about plenty of things: comedy, art, their jobs, their education, graffiti, politics, current events, cycling, the perfect grilled cheese sandwich, photography, family, fashion, the environment, blogging (gulp)…hell, many ironic hipsters are some of the most intense sports fans I've even known.  And that's just it, just because someone isn't outwardly buying into the culture you perceive as important or, God-forbid, approaches gift-giving with a sense of whimsy doesn't mean they're culturally spineless.

Conversely, oozing sincerity has become one of the ultimate forms of insincerity. We increasingly live in an age of Public Relations—an age in which people are terrified of being honest and critical, as calling something or someone out on their obvious bullshit might see themselves labeled a “hater” and lose a Twitter follower who can't take it.  In effect, irony ironically remains one of the last forms of authenticity—a backhanded rejection of all society's garbage and empty praises. For every thick-rimmed nerd wearing a Justin Bieber shirt in self-defense (I've never seen one, but I guess one might exist somewhere), I'll show you dozens of people living their life without care for the prevailing winds of mainstream culture while channeling their energies into what they genuinely care about.

Of course, by the author's definition, the very act of responding and putting myself out there means I can't be a hipster or fundamentally ironic.  I've exposed myself to risk, by way of criticism from my peers, through taking the time to explain my thoughts and feelings with baseline sincerity, ergo I can't possible be an ironist.

She's totally right.

But enough with irony and other such gobbledygook. The article is already being feverishly passed around Twitter by aging cool kids and self-loathing hipsters, as if this one essay is the blow that sends the gaudy and sneering towers of Millennial hipsterism crashing down to earth. But as anyone who has even casually paid attention to the internet over the past seven years can tell you: nothing garners pageviews and retweets like clumsy hipster-bashing.  And there's nothing ironic about that.

Sent from my iPhone

Liveblogging the Series Premiere of Start-Ups: Silicon Valley

In a classic display of Silicon Valley arrogance, Bravo is airing the season premiere the Start-Ups: Silicon Valley on the eve of The Most Important Election of Our Generation, depriving us of another hour of CNN's illuminating election coverage.  But it's okay, the opportunity to see speeded up establishing shots of San Francisco on basic cable is far more exciting than witnessing the last hours of Mitt Romney's relevance.

Because Silicon Valley's economy is built on the liveblog, we couldn't help but treat the show with the same journalistic respect and integrity that tech blogs show start-ups with their instant, snap analysis.

Let's watch!

9:43pm: Why aren't any of these diamond-encrusted women talking about start-ups?

9:45pm: Oh shit, this is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

9:47pm: Okay, These People are just faking real life instead of business.

9:54pm: How many Microsoft Surface ads do people think we'll see during the show? 8? We'll be counting.

9:58pm: Cursing!

10:02pm: Due to a pooping emergency, our liveblog will be running at a 152 second DVR delay.

10:05pm: I'm bored.

10:07pm: Does she call her start-up “Newspepper” because she can't pronounce “newspaper”?

10:10pm: A girl named Sarah just called room service to order food for her purse puppy, then stripped down to her underwear to explain her start-up.

10:10pm: There's now a bellboy pouring her dog Fiji water.  We can only imagine the bellboy was forced to drink out of the toilet.

10:11pm: Actual quote: “Living in the Four Seasons is like living in a bubble, And. I. Love. This. Bubble!”

10:15pm: Meet Kim Taylor.  She used to be an NBA dancer and now “pushes competitors toward failure.” This isn't funny.

10:18pm: Actual quote: “Silicon Valley is where nerds make fucking dreams come true.”

10:21pm: We're currently watching as one of Silicon Valley's young prodigies gets her hair did.

10:24pm: Suggesting that attention-seeking start-up nerds are not far removed from cast of the Jersey Shore, they're now getting spray-tans.

10:26pm: The show's token gay admits to having every physical imperfection surgically removed from his body and he wants to encourage everyone to be the best they can be.

10:27pm: We just learned that a “very unprofessional email” at SXSW caused two of the cast members to dislike each other.

10:32pm: Dudes are chugging bottles of Jameson and arguing about derivatives.  It looks like they are enjoying themselves.

10:39pm: Currently watching the most jargon-laden girl fight of all time: contains 300% more buzzwords than your average girl fight.

10:41pm: Is this over yet? I really want to know what Piers Morgan thinks of Mitt Romney's inefficient use of all 140 characters Twitter generously affords.

10:43pm: How could we be so far into this show without seeing a single neckbeard?

10:45pm: Ikea just aired a commercial featuring up a little kid walking into things, which pretty much sums up this show.

10:48pm: It's obvious this show is about the hanger-ons.  Calling them incompetent isn't fair to the incompetent, as the word implies effort, no matter how incapable.  When these guys are on some Lifetime “Where Are They Now?” Saturday night special in 10 years, I suspect to hear lots of “I got into fashion design” and rumors about summers spent dwelling in parent's basements.

10:50pm: These entrepreneurs are breaking all the rules by showing up to the fundraising meeting hungover.

10:52pm: Actual quote: “My sister's ways are unconventional, but so are Silicon Valley's, so maybe that's why she does so well.”  She's wearing Tetris tights and taking a “power nap” under the investor's conference room table.

10:57pm: New Silicon Valley Buzzword: “Passion”.

11:01pm: Surprise! Their start-up was rejected by the investor! Now people are tossing drinks in people's faces!

11:02pm: For the first time in my life, I truly understand and appreciate all the time, effort, skill, pain, ups, downs, and heartache that goes into building the Valley's many start-ups.  Thank you, Bravo.

11:03pm: And for the closing credits, here's a sparkling “Zuckerberg Media” logo.  Not quite as humble as “A Mark Zuckerberg Production”, but it's alright.

11:04pm: Argh, this show was unwatchably bad and probably beneath criticism. Same time and place next week?

Statistics (roughly):

  • Arrows drawn: 1
  • Curses: 12
  • Mentions of the word “money”: 5
  • People crying: 2
  • People in underwear: 4
  • Instances of bragging about “connections”: 3
  • Mentions of the word “blogger”: 7
  • Minutes of my life lost: 81

SF Weekly Intern Lectures Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong on Being Punk Rock

Following Billie Joe Armstrong's finger-pointing guitar-smashing sassypants meltdown at i<3radio, an SF Weekly intern and frontman of an East Bay straight edge punk band decided to remind the Grammy-winning musician what it's like to be punk:

There is nothing punk about having a drunken divalicious breakdown at the iHeartRadio Festival because your set was too short. They probably only gave you one more minute because they knew that your new song “Oh Love” was coming up, and let's face it — no one wants to hear that shit.

One minute is supposed to be the duration of a punk song, not the length of your temper tantrum YouTube clip, Billie.

Oh what's that? You aren't Justin Bieber? Of course you aren't, silly! Everyone knows Bieber has a much better haircut. Also, I think Rihanna was actually up next, not the Biebz. Wait, it was Usher who cut into your time, right? You are the company you keep, buddy.

Read on for additional thoughts on Billie Joe's wardrobe and an invitation to get whipped with chains.

Magazine Known For Ranking Wealthy Americans Now Ranking Hipster Neighborhoods

According to fancy rich businessmen, this is what a hipster looks like.

Forbes, a fancy magazine known for putting together lists of Americans who can afford the most yachts and Russian stripper pool parties, has decided to take up ranking “America's Best Hipster Neighborhoods”.  Now, this isn't the first time some faltering magazine put together some pointless asinine list about the best places for hipsters, however, it's maybe worth nothing that the Mission has moved up from from third place to second, meaning we only have to open one or two more coffee shops until we're the best place to not give a shit in America.

Forbes writes:

“What we love about The Mission is the amazing diversity and lack of pretense in this historically hip neighborhood,” says Dabney Lawless of Nextdoor.com. Restaurants, bars, coffee shops, and food trucks abound in San Francisco's oldest hood. It also has the largest concentration of street art and building murals in the city.

Of course, you're probably wondering who beat us. (You are, right?)  Shockingly (or not), Williamsburg finished behind us in third—Silver Lake in LA took the top prize.

[via Curbed]

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