Haight

Chief Gascon Enlists Incidental Hiptards to Promote "Civil Sidewalks"

I was pretty surprised by Gascon's casting list for his latest promotional video for his so-called “civil sidewalks” proposition.  I had expected it to be a bunch of geezers having a good cry about homelessness, but was instead surprised he managed to rally a few scenesters to take up the cause.  Some of my favorites included the owner of FTC Skateshop, who complained about civility on the streets with a backdrop of skateboards and “I <3 Haters” hats, which is particularly ironic because skateboarding is all about breaking laws and not being civil in public. Another “Mission Resident,” chilling at the 22nd St. parklett where people sit and lie nearly 24/7, was also opposed.

“Oh noes, homeless people aren't buying my beauty supplies.”

However, the real highlight of this three minute short is the empty-framed, sailor-tatted Megan Schnider, who starts going on about people with “like, chickens running around.”  I'm seriously waiting for the memenets to discover this one and autotune the shit out of it.  Think of the potential people!  An autotuned ditzy voice, psychedelic techno beats, animated gifs of dancing chickens and random sounds of clucking thrown in for good measure.  It'd be like hatebeak, only much funnier.

Biking through the Panhandle is so much more fun at breakneck speeds with an endless opportunity for collateral damage

Jason Clary in the Panhandle from MACAFRAMA on Vimeo.

This video represents everything wrong with the Panhandle: because the path is littered with pedestrians, kids and pets, we, as cyclists, should be on our best behavior.   However, when you're coming from Golden Gate Park, the lights are timed in such a poor way, the only way you can hit a green at Masonic is to crank through the panhandle at 27/28 MPH.  Yeah, I guess I could slow it down so I don't takeout a dog running after a stray ball, but I've been blasting a ridiculous playlist of celtic punk and Public Enemy for the past three hours and have a raging hard-on for running through yellows.  Anyway, what I'm trying to get at here is adjust the timing of the lights because, well, fuck cars.

In slightly related news, MACAFRAMA dropped a fine video featuring their latest member, Matt Montoya.

Two Park Movies, One Night

As I'm sure everyone in San Francisco with some degree of internet access already knows, Dolores Park will be hosting a movie night this Saturday.  The final movie night of season will feature the Cohen Bros classic The Big Lebowksi.  

But not down with Dolo, you say?  Think you might puke white russian all over the cute hipster chick sitting on the grass in front of you if you have to sit through Lebowksi for the seven hundred and sixty third time since Freshmen year of college??  Over Thirty Five years old and have questionable taste in movies or a strange Will Smith fetish???

Then Duboce Park has got a night for you!!!  

The Friends of Duboce Park have arranged their first ever movie screening with the San Francisco set Pursuit of Happyness, presumably to ensure a luke warm start to the program and while simultaneously deterring anyone who might consider defecting over from the Dolores Park set.  

Pursuit of Hapyness @ Duboce starts at 7:30pm.  The Big Lebowski @ Dolores starts at 8:00pm, and will be the final Dolores Park movie of the season.  

See you at Dolo.

Sit-Lie: Bad for Dating, Bad for Vegan Foodies

WILL FUCK 4 BIG MAC

THIS IS WHY I LOVE THE SF WEEKLY.  Up until last week, I had no idea that the sit-lie law was going to ruin dating and vegan eating in the Haight:

An author named Spencer Walker has written a new guidebook with a section apparently devoted to the San Francisco dating landscape. Titled “Hippie Harlots,” the section claims to be a primer on the Haight Ashbury dating scene — a scene that just may die if visitors aren't allowed to sit or lie down in public anymore.

According to Cook to Bang, the aforementioned primer on home-cooked meals prepared to entice potential dates, Hippie Harlots are found in San Francisco, at ultimate frisbee games, and at Burning Man. And they respond well to fried tofu, writes the author, who admits to “occasionally trolling Haight Ashbury for bohemian booty.”

Should [Police Chief George Gascon's sit-lie law] pass, the resulting hostility and infringement of civil liberties may make the neighborhood a glum place for hippie hookups. And we might see a decline in Walker's style of cuisine.

So for the sake of everything that's organic and tasty, can't our top cop just leave the Haight be? (LINK)

Spenc sounds like a terrific dude.  Cooks to get laid, trolls the homeless for sex.  A real casanova.  Also, why the hell is sit/lie being morphed into a foodie issue?

(photo by Brant Ward / The Chronicle)

'STOP SHITTING HERE!'

'The Haight has become a battleground over a new controversial ordinance, known as the Shit-Lie Law. This divisive measure has pit local business owners, residents and people with the slightest shred of modesty against those too inebriated or shunned by society to give a fuck.~KLIT News 47*

Found behind Magnolia Brew Co by reader Marquis, who swears to god that he wasn't back their looking for a place to shit but came back five pounds lighter anyway.

*=Not a real news source. Or quote, story, or law.  

WELL THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FUN

Imagine this: a grassy bike ride all the way to work*, the neighborhood name NOPA doesn't exist and SFPD wouldn't be able to ticket cyclists at the ARCO station.  Well, apparently back in distant year of 1928, the city could have made this a reality.  The plan was to extend the panhandle all the way to Market st. along The Wiggle.  The plan called for demolishing housing along the route, indicating our politicians of years past actually had a spine.

I have no idea why it never happened, but I bet that Great Depression thing had something to do with it.

(via Wikipedia)

* a grassy bike ride to work for people who actually live in the western part of the city… and work.

SFPD Cracking Down on Cyclists in Lower Haight

Saw this posted up by “jacob” on one of the various SF riding forums:

i know there was just a long thread about the wiggle and running stop signs…etc. don't want to argue that just want to give the heads up that (after i got a ticket last night) the cop who issued said ticket informed me that there is going to be a focused police/traffic cop presence in and around the wiggle cracking down on moving violations for bikes. the city has told them to do this because of the bike lanes that have been put into place there.

esp. it seems that they are parking a cop car a few parking spaces down fell next to the bike lane on fell between scott and divis and nabbing people turning left on the red from scott onto fell.

anyway be safe/aware…

This is likely a response to the new traffic plan that was just implemented at the Arco station of Fell.  Even so, not sure why the city fells the need to go after cyclists who are not even cutting across traffic to make a left turn on a red.

(photo by David Gartner)

Barking Dog Gets Owner's Ass Beat in Alamo Square

 Reader “mailorders” snapped this epic pic and shares this story:

This started out as a heated confrontation when the dog ran at the guy in the t-shirt, threateningly barking.  This dog has a history of being noisy and somewhat unruly; I don't think that he's dangerous, but if somebody doesn't know dogs, they're bound to think that the dog is about to attack. His guardian, the guy with the buzz cut got mouthy and even as the guy in the t-shirt was walking away, the dog continued to follow him, barking all the time. I guess it escalated from there.

There you go people.  Don't own a dog.  Thanks mailorders!

Pages